We are not cut off from the world. Every interaction we have with others and they have with us adds bytes of information to our understanding of life. We form our beliefs and perceptions of the world through our most immediate contact with others. Whether it is the shop keeper who cheerfully greets us as they scan and pack our groceries, the driver who lets us in the traffic or the friend who listens to our story. Each interaction contains the possibility of renewing or destroying our faith in the basic goodness of our fellow human beings.
Author and theologian, Rev. Dr Stephanie Dowrick, suggests that we arrive on this earth with the intention of love rather than harm. As young children we are sensitive to our surroundings. We view ourselves as the central core, like the sun, as life revolves around us. Each interaction, whether with people or objects, gives feedback to support our life perception. We begin to internalize that we are safe and secure. We are nurtured and loved by others. We are taken care of. We have an innate guidance system to getting these needs met.
We also begin to believe that life is predictable. When we signal to the world that we have a need – for nourishment, physical connection, or personal care, those around us respond. It is obvious when a baby is feeling contentment and their needs are met. Awake they are engaged, smiling and gurgling. If asleep, they are comfortable and content. We soon know if they need us by their cries of distress. Mother nature has served babies well with this form of non-verbal communication which we find difficult to ignore.
The emergence of the toddler is a testament to testing the predictability of this world. A child at this stage behaves in ways to honour their ‘separateness’ from others, realizing they can choose and control their actions. If parents can respond lovingly – fostering independence and decision making while keeping their child safe and secure, they can teach their toddlers a balanced emotional attitude of both autonomy and consideration of others.
The remaining primary emotional need is feeling a sense of significance. We yearn to be valued, recognised, and acknowledged by others. It forms the basis of our reason for existing. Young children crave the attention of others – talking constantly about what they are doing and showing us their play or creations. They love our company. How we respond to their attention seeking shows them the value we place on their existence in this world.
Each of these basic emotional needs – safety, control, and status; remain significant throughout our lives. When any of these needs are unmet, we find it difficult to thrive and flourish. The outcome is a sense of struggling to find our place in the world and experiencing increased mental health issues. The security, love, and acceptance we craved in childhood become our current priority.
When our world is challenging, as it is at the moment, it is important to ensure we can meet our own emotional needs. Our homes become safe havens for our well being and security. They are environments where we can maintain a sense of control over outside circumstances. Maintaining a job or income to sufficiently feed our families becomes paramount. Having some form of physical contact or connection with others who care about us supports our emotional wellness.
Yet there is a world outside our doors. Others in our neighbourhoods, communities and world who are struggling in an unsafe, unpredictable environment. When we remain in our secure, protective ‘bubbles’ we can fail to acknowledge and respond to the predicament of others. These are challenging times but also opportunities to reach out beyond ourselves. To be the world to other people.
Initially we can remain informed of the current situations in our communities. Consciously observing and listening to those around us. Just like children, adults show responses that indicate they are not coping. Anger and frustration may be hiding the more vulnerable emotional responses of fear and sadness. Adults are reluctant to cry as they would have as a baby, yet their basic emotional needs are continually looking to be met. When we acknowledge their experience and value them with our care we provide vital support.
We are the world to those around us. When we are observant of the needs of both ourselves and others, we support the collective physical and emotional well being of our communities. Throughout our lives, our basic emotional needs and experience of love are encountered through connection with others. The challenge in this time of isolation and distancing is maintaining that connection.
