Healing the Matriarch

Women journeying through life

An Introduction to Retirement – Time to Bloom

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When you are busy juggling work and family it can be tempting to daydream of the far-off day when you can finally retire. The daily commute to work, the endless obligations and expectations to meet deadlines chip away at your life quality. Weekends seem too short, and holidays just give you the chance to unwind and enjoy yourself and it is time to pack up and go back home again.

Finally, the time comes when the words ‘transition to retirement’ come over the horizon. It can be a time of excitement as you begin to plan the long-awaited extended travel and think about all the things you will finally have the time to do. There is anticipation that life will become one long holiday and you will be able to please yourself how you spend your days. No boss, no annoying colleagues, no customers, no misbehaving students. I am sure you get the drift.

“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.”

Catherine Pulsifer.

As retirement looms you may feel some trepidation of the unknown. As with many transitions in life there is a change in your connectivity. The workplace has become remarkably familiar territory. It has given structure to your day and a ready source of community. As you walk out the door with your parting gifts and a retirement smile, in most cases, it is rarely to return. This can lead to a loss of direction and loneliness if you are not preparing yourself prior to your ‘retirement departure’. Once the initial sparkle of new retirement wears off and everyday life takes its place there can be a feeling of despondency and aimlessness. Days can feel endless as you look for meaningful ways to fill them.

As someone who has gone through the door of retirement and watched the process with a cohort of similar ‘comrades’ I am here to guide your initial thoughts and steps. Buckle up and see if we can prepare you to launch confidently into this new phase of your life. Ready,… it is time to bloom.

Photo by Anne Karmel on Unsplash

Step 1: – Get Comfortable with a different daily flow

Work life was a life filled with schedules. Start times, finish times, meetings, and other commitments. You were constantly aware of clock time and the pace of life was busy and demanding.  Once you retire, there will be less obligation to wake with the alarm clock each day. To an extent you can throw away schedules and do those things that are most important to you. It will take time to adjust but you will find the state of ‘flow’ more often when you can be immersed in projects and interests without the need to look at the clock. As you get used to this alternate universe of ‘time’ you will probably want to dot it with a loose schedule to frame your day.

Step 2: – Keep physically active

With available time on your hands, there is time to take walks, play sports or join gyms. Our quality of life improves if we are able to stay active as we age. Doing physical activities with others in a great way to form new connections with fellow retirees. Keep moving and do activities that you most enjoy.

Step 3: – Keep mentally active

As much as we need to maintain our physical well-being, our mental health is also a priority. Now is a good opportunity to read widely, listen to interesting podcasts and join discussion groups and forums. It is also a good time to get out of the comfort zone by learning a new skill. Build confidence by stepping into a creative or technological skill that has previously been unfamiliar.

Step 4: – Follow your passions

This will emerge as you move into retirement. Often these strong interests are buried way back in our youth. It may take time for them to surface again. Identify these activities and take small steps to increase your knowledge. Be open to opportunities that present themselves. You never know where it will lead. For me, it has been honing my love of writing to develop a website blog focused on women and their life journey. For my husband, it has been using all the skills of his work life and his passion for motor sport to currently be part of a motor racing team. The fulfillment and enjoyment we both have is evident. It has also given us interesting current experiences to share with each other.

Step 5. Share your skills and talents

Perhaps you are a creative – a budding artist, re-decorator, gardener or cook. You may be good with technology or mechanics. Now is a wonderful opportunity to do more of what you are good at and possibly teach others. Community organisations may be looking for your talents to teach young people or those who are vulnerable. Community projects may be looking for your skills. A wonderful part of retirement is the ability to incubate and plan projects with others. Once you have retired, you become a wonderful resource to your communities. This can be in sharing a physical skill, a breadth of knowledge about a topic or as an advocate for community issues.

Step 6. Create memories

Whether it is with family or friends, this is a wonderful stage of life to create meaningful lasting memories. Plan trips and outings together. Explore, dine, play games, laugh, and cry together. Spend quality time in conversation with each other. Take photos and write words to capture special moments. Those memories are precious and live on when we are no longer here. As we build these connections we are also experiencing the best antidote to loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

Step 7. Live with gratitude

Begin and end each day reflecting on the moments and give thanks for the experience. Not everyone gets to reach their retirement years. Appreciate the fact that you are one of the lucky ones.

The reality of retirement is that it is a process. Some days will produce highlights while others will be more tedious and stretch our coping ability. It is not unlike any other stage of life- filled with highs and lows, happiness, and sadness.

 With some focus and direction, it is possible to transition well into retirement and to continue to find both personal fulfillment and valuable contribution to our communities. I would love you to share any other insights and tips on navigating retirement by commenting below.

Perfect Timing

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The concept of perfect timing has its wisdom and pitfalls. In life we recognize the years around our twenties as crucial for commencing a career, marrying, and having children. There is societal expectation to leave the security of our childhood and head independently into the world. We desire finding someone to share our life with and perhaps settle down and start a family. As humans, we are biologically at our peak at this time to cross these milestones off our list. Yet the actual timing of these events in our own lives may be quite different from the norm.

Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash

Creating perfect timing continues to play a part later in our lives. As we come to our 50’s and 60’s we are faced with the question of when to retire from paid work. Do we travel and explore the world? Is it perhaps time to take the opportunity to downsize into a smaller home or move location when our families reduce in size?

It is often with hindsight that we learn more about whether our timing in life was perfect. Parenthood is a prime example and rarely goes according to our desired plans. The reality of starting early in life with a brood of children may be perfect for one couple yet viewed with regret by another. Looking back on life these couples, or perhaps one partner in particular, may feel they needed further time prior to parenthood and regret opportunities they feel they missed. For other couples, the journey to parenthood takes longer.  When it becomes a reality, it can be met with a long-anticipated sense of joy and personal fulfillment. Alternatively, it can come as a shock and be viewed with trepidation around parenting at an older age.

“Life is a lively process of becoming”.


Douglas MacArthur

With careers, some people find a vocation early in life and see a pathway ahead that opens with opportunities. They stay in the same workplace or profession their entire work life. Others are uncertain what occupation they are attracted to and may oscillate between workplaces and areas of interest in search of what they feel is meaningful work. It is not unusual for people to have various professions across their work life. Some may be due to redundancies and other issues outside their control. At other times it is a dissatisfaction with their current situation and career choice that motivates a change.

The longer the viewpoint we have of our lives the more we have the opportunity to see the patterns of its timing. We can look back at times when we danced between action and inaction. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to change our life circumstances when things were not quite aligned. In retrospect we sometimes see the missed opportunity, the ‘one that got away’ because we lacked the courage to act by procrastinating. At other times we see the wisdom of a missed opportunity where initially we may have been upset and disappointed. Later we find either a better alternative emerges or our lives take a different direction and the original opportunity shows us it was unsuitable.

Ideal circumstances don’t necessarily need to be in place for perfect timing. It is often at the painful times or moments of crisis in our lives that we are motivated to make substantial change. Depending on the circumstance it can be a time of learning the greatest life lessons about ourselves and others. It can also be a time of gaining clarity around what is most important to us in our lives. Without these moments of growth, we may continue to stagnate in life, not truly stepping into creating a life that we enjoy living.

For me, it has taken a reckoning of my own life to achieve what feels like perfect timing. I enjoyed both my career as a teacher and my role as a mother. Beyond the active energy of these roles, I now see a true sense of personal independence and wisdom gathering emerging. It took time and inner reflection for me to step boldly into this phase of my life, but I love it.

Social isolation during the current pandemic provided the catalyst for bringing my perfect timing and life lessons together. My desire is to encourage other women to create their own unique paths in life and emerge confidently into their Wise Woman and Matriarch identities. 

Courageously Seeking Life

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Photo by Heidi Fin on Unsplash

I see women traversing life with courage every day.

Honouring their particular journey and having the bravery and momentum to continue in the direction that feels most authentic for themselves. They have dreams and plans. They aspire to future possibilities, keenly aware that the future is uncertain and the only time we truly have is lived in the present moment.

I see their ability to action, even if it begins with micro steps of bravery. The alternative is procrastination, the self-imposed stance of inaction. Being enveloped by the fear of failure or a fear of the unknown. Entertaining concern about how they will be perceived by others. Continually in the dance with wanting the perfect conditions before actioning and the belief they are ‘not good enough’ to deserve the dreams their heart desires.

Which woman are you? Hopefully, you are the one fully participating in life right now. It may not be an outward state of courageousness, busy ticking off an action plan. Instead it may be a more inward version. For example, being invested in all your relationships – continuing to know yourself and others in a deeper way.  Immersing yourself consciously in pastimes and interests you already feel deeply about. Consistently choosing to love rather than fear in reaction to life.

“Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work, a future.”

David Whyte

Each of us are moving through the unknown accepting that life will continue to have twists and turns. Throughout history humanity has gone through adversity. There are numerous examples of flourishing after difficult times. Our lives going forward should be no different. Each life stage we become a different version of ourselves. Each chapter of our lives also brings new life experiences and life lessons to learn. Embrace and be inquisitive of this new ‘stranger’, your future self, and the life she will lead.

By taking the initial steps of bravery we allow ourselves to let go of the outcome. To trust the Universe has our back. We take with us a heart of boldness and courage, but also a heart of humility and kindness. Our journey becomes a dance of being motivated by the big picture of our dreams and still enjoying each step that we take along the way.

The people in our lives like to place us in ‘boxes’ of the familiar.  We are seen in a particular way to them. They may react if we behave differently to what they expect of us. There may be questioning of our motives and fear for the consequences of our actions. It is common for others to overlay their life stories with ours, looking for the familiar threads of experience. Our actions may also trigger their unresolved personal memories and guilt for their own actions or inaction.

“Life is so much simpler when you stop explaining yourself to people and just do what works for you”

Unknown.

Our challenge is to overcome the critical gaze of others and remain true to our own life decisions. To share our dreams and inspire others to join us or create dreams of their own. Life will always be complicated and messy, filled with uncertainty and challenges. With courage we can embrace what comes our way and build a boldness for change.

We’re All in This Together

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The words ‘We’re All in This Together’ are the title of a popular jingle making its presence felt on Australian television and in the psyche of the Australian people. Among the lyrics of Ben Lee’s song are …. ‘Woke up this morning, I suddenly realized, we’re all in this together. I’m made of atoms; you’re made of atoms and we’re all in this together’. Yes Ben, we certainly are. The recent months have highlighted the collective need for us to work together to fight this virus. Unlike pre-Covid times when it was more possible to look at life through our own choices, now no man (or woman for that matter) is an island.

Photo by Christian Wiediger on Unsplash

‘We’ refers to everyone – even those who are well, in other states of the country which are less affected, or not in a risk group. We are making our decisions based on a sense of protecting our whole communities, particularly those most vulnerable, rather than from our personal preferences or comfort level. One significant change is that people are increasingly wearing masks when it is difficult to maintain physical distance. In one of Australia’s major cities, Melbourne, it is currently mandated that masks are worn in public with strict penalties for non-adherence. There has been social backlash against the anti-mask fraternity and others who are putting their own interests and agenda before the safety of others.

The ‘All’ refers to everyone – those directly affected and those affected by the mere fact that this virus loves to move from one person to another. Our communities and economy are deeply connected so we are all impacted in some way. This virus thrives on the community being out there mingling closely with each other. Its only objective is to spread through our active, engaged lives.

“Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much”

Helen Keller

In a time when community connection is more difficult, it is definitely most needed. The longing we have for connection with each other in the world has been deferred. Perhaps our greatest current lesson is in how to restore a sense of community in a different, yet meaningful way.

We are social beings. We need one another to thrive and do this journey called life. Our previous busier existence had anchors that kept us connected to one another. Socially gathering for meals in restaurants, exercising in gyms and on ovals, attending live events in groups and a variety of other communal activities. As a by-product, they were opportunities to help and befriend each other.

Gathering together allows us to support one another in valid ways. To assist our ability to feel hope, providing opportunities for personal growth and planning for the future. Community also motivates us towards acts of love and kindness and the opportunity to encourage one another. In a group we are able to see the bigger picture or story of life beyond ourselves. To reach out to the wider world and assist in its ongoing creation.

How can we do this in safety? Online communities have certainly flourished since the beginning of Covid. These have provided the opportunity for continued learning, support, and connection. Many of us, of all ages, have increased our virtual connections with both loved ones and acquaintances. For others, who are not familiar with the technology, this has posed a challenge for remaining connected.

Where possible, people have gathered faced to face. This has become a new frontier where we are all more vigilant with signing into venues, using hand sanitizers and keeping social distancing. Life has been able to continue in a somewhat new form as smaller gatherings take place. With our loved ones, we need to trust each other to adhere to these hygiene and distancing measures, as we move between the wider community and our more intimate homes and relationships. It is there that our hugs and nurturing touch reside

The Covid pandemic has created a lost sense of what community once meant.  We are now required to be more conscious in how we connect with the wider world. Yet our daily actions and choices are the key to moving forward toward the future. The stronger our love, concern, and respect for jointly working together, hopefully the quicker we can return to the physical community connections we so desire.

June 2026
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