The saying goes – “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. It is often used to encourage optimism and a positive can-do attitude when we face difficult times in our lives. Lemons suggest a sourness or bitterness within the experience; making lemonade out of lemons suggests responding by turning these difficult times into something positive or desirable.
This question was posed at a recent women’s wellness conference I attended. The women there had each conquered their own difficult times. I marvelled at the vulnerability and courage displayed as they spoke their stories. I also shared my take on this question during my presentation: Full Circles and Perfect Timing.
As each woman pondered this question, there was a shared wisdom around the unique strategies they used. Some had suffered abuse in relationships or marriage breakdown. Others experienced the grief of family loss, natural disasters, or the bravery to step out of their comfort zone – to head to university, to lead schools and businesses. Collectively we are experiencing and responding to the nuances of the current pandemic.
Yet there were common threads and familiarity in the stories told. It was easy to find empathy and shared touch points in each other’s journey. This blog gives an overview of the collective wisdom of their responses.
Observe the lemon: Often when a difficult situation arises in our lives we go into the response mode of fight/flight or freeze. If you can pause and step back slightly from the situation you might be able to observe it first before responding. What thoughts and words are running in your head? What emotions are stirring in your body? Who is involved and who is impacted beyond you by what is happening? What has led to this situation arising and can you see solutions or ways forward? As humans, we tend to resist change and find unexpected situations uncomfortable or fearful. Observing gives us space to sense some control.
Perhaps there is some life experience to draw on. Then you can ask what ways have I used to cope previously with a similar situation? There may be strengths or embodied resilience that you can draw on. You can also respond with self-compassion, identifying that the situation is difficult, you are doing all you can to cope and others have probably been in a similar position (identifying with universal suffering). This is a wonderful way to build empathy for others and to motivate you seeking support from those who have the resources or experience to share.
Decide what to do with the lemon: Is the situation calling you to leave a destructive relationship or seek a safe haven? Do you need to build attributes such as a sense of your self-worth and self-belief? It takes courage to step into action and make decisions when life is tough. To make yourself a priority and to honour your own healing. On the other hand, a difficult situation may be calling you to persevere and build resilience and ‘stick-ability’. Whichever way you go, take action to step beyond the current inertia you feel.
Surround yourself in the fruit bowl: – Seek out support and connection from others. Surround yourself with really good people. Those you can be vulnerable with who you can trust with your story. The five people you spend most time with in your life, these are your greatest influences. Choose wisely.
Use your intuition to seek out resources and modalities that are helpful. Be brave enough to swallow beliefs of shame or pride and seek the help of professionals, if needed. You may be surprised to find you are not alone and others resonate because they have had similar experiences of their own.
Acquire knowledge and learn strategies to move forward. These will not only serve your situation but build your acquired wisdom around dealing with adversity.
Share your lemon recipes: – there is nothing more rewarding than being able to pay it forward with knowledge and perspective gained from difficult life experiences. Something you have suffered and overcome – anxiety, depression, abuse, addiction; makes you an inspiration for others. Your personal growth and new understanding can give you life purpose in supporting others. Your story can be a source of inspiration. You can become the ‘teacher/guide yet continue as the ‘student’ to broaden your personal understanding and clarity.
Create the unexpected: – At times when we are in a difficult situation we cannot see our way out. People around us possibly rush in with advice and opinions. Be aware that they are seeing life through their own perspective and life experience, just as you are. They also don’t want to see you in pain.
If you are brave enough just to listen to your own inner voice and intuition, solutions will appear. Perhaps you expected to make lemon kisses or bliss balls with your lemons. Instead you receive a recipe for something quite different, something more exotic and new. Trust in the process.
Part of our humanity is living through and overcoming difficult times. The older we get, the more ability we have to use hindsight – to see the lessons learnt and the wisdom gained. There’s often a greater acceptance of life and those around us. If life gives you lemons, as it inevitably will, use self-compassion, courage, understanding, and connection to help you move forward.
Perhaps you have other thoughts to contribute. I would encourage you to comment below the post if you do.
