Healing the Matriarch

Women journeying through life

  • Blog
  • Welcome
  • About
  • Resources

Life’s Full Circles

February 21, 2021 by JanSmith

Perhaps the longer you live, the more you see patterns emerging in your life. Initially, a situation causes you to struggle or feel completely stuck. Your mind races with ruminating thoughts or you develop what is often dubbed a ‘monkey mind’. Constantly replaying a mind movie with no satisfactory solutions to your problems. You feel a sense of helplessness and overwhelm. It all feels mentally and physically draining.

Over time, it becomes obvious that the inertia of the problem is too painful and you move forward into action. Personal growth happens in a variety of ways. You learn to relate anew to both your problem and to those around you. You seek out relevant information that leads to new perspectives. You build the confidence to relate differently, seeing yourself in a new light. During the process keep saying to yourself – ‘I am worthy, I am capable’.

‘The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance.’

Alan Watts.

Slowly you evolve as a person, often without consciously being aware of the changes within. The ‘mirror’ to your growth is your changed behaviour, more likely noticed by others. Its only when you revisit the initial issues, coming full circle, that you notice the difference in yourself.

Often after a period of growth you find yourself in replay mode of the initial problem. Thrust into eerily similar situations that first brought the stroke of the circle into being. Yet this time you are less reactive – calmer and collected. Thankfully now armed with strategies to respond in a different way.

As the circle of growth closes, nothing exterior may have changed. The only difference could be what emerges within you. Yet there is also the possibility that your own personal growth may have caused others to respond by reassessing their own actions and life perspectives. You may provide the trigger for them to go on their own journey of discovery and personal growth.

Others may not like the new, more confident version of you. They see it as a threat to the status quo they were accustomed to. Preferring the ‘older model’ they may retreat out of your life. It is sad, but your newly evolved self needs new interactions and new ways of being.

‘When people show you their true colours don’t get mad, paint beautiful mural life lessons, and keep marching forward.’

Focus on yourself and embrace everything you have learnt.

Keep refining, growing, and learning how to navigate your life.

Keep an open mind to new opportunities that emerge and different people who will be attracted to your more assured self.

Embrace each new life chapter as it begins.

Remind yourself that life is ever changing. If you feel you are currently struggling, reach out to others and become inquisitive about finding solutions. It is often a painful place to be at the beginning of a circle of growth, yet the rewards of moving forward, with renewed perspectives and understanding, is worth the effort of the journey.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook

Identifying Your Personal Growth

January 8, 2021 by JanSmith

Throughout life we are changing. We are a different person now than we were one, five or ten years ago. Our perspective as an adult is different to how we perceived the world as a teenager or child. The attitudes, opinions, and values we hold continue to evolve with our life experience. As the changes are gradual, it is often hard to identify them in ourselves. It is easier to observe personal growth in those around us.

The person you are now and the circumstances of your current life may be the product of your previous dreams and aspirations. Reflection allows you to see how far you have come.

Here are some possible observations: –

  • Perhaps you are calmer and more grounded than before. You have developed strategies to stay more consistently observant and present in the moment.
  • You may be living more abundantly with stronger relationships with others or creating exciting new projects. Some of your previous ambitions have been realized.
  • You may have built particular expertise in an area of knowledge or practical skill.
  • Through exploration, you may have developed new strategies for living your life.
  • Perhaps you now think differently or respond differently to what is happening around you.
Photo by Peter Nelson on Unsplash

Each of these new parts of who you are may have required deep soul searching or finding solutions for life’s challenges. It may have involved a painful journey of examining your own thoughts, habits, and behaviour patterns. Shedding what is no longer valid or helpful. Creating new ways of responding to other people and life situations. Striving to live true to your authentic self.

“You can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

Abraham Maslow

Unless there is a moment of reflection, these changes may not be unearthed. Using a journal to assess your current strengths, abilities and inner qualities is a good start. What attitudes and understandings about life have changed for you over a period of time? What particular situations and challenges have you been placed in that have caused you to learn some valuable life lessons?

If you feel you have come to a stalemate in life, create a list of your achievements over the last decade. Perhaps you will find that you have forgotten some of your accomplishments whether they are large or small. Its time to celebrate your journey particularly if it has involved self-reflection and difficult decisions or circumstances that have meant changing your life course.

Your list becomes the motivation to continue evolving. What more do you want to learn, experience, and contribute as you look into the future? Knowing that you have taken steps in the past to become the person you are now can help support your vision of what is to come.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook

The Art of Giving

December 30, 2020 by JanSmith

The act of giving says as much about ourselves as it does about our relationship with others. Giving requires us imagining the perspective of the recipient. What would they enjoy receiving? What are their favourite things and their preferences? It requires us being observant, present in the physical sense to their likes and dislikes. This is easier for people we spend time with each day and those we have a loving relationship with.

The art of giving speaks about our generosity. It doesn’t matter whether it requires money or the gifting of our time and resources. Whatever we give says volumes about our relationship and connection with others. Giving also speaks of our family traditions and the wish to create lasting memories with our loved ones. It identifies our ability to judge the needs of others.

Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

We accumulate memories of giving and receiving of gifts over our lifetime. I have lovely memories of extended family Christmas Days as a child. Our family joining with aunts, uncles and cousins and our beloved grandmother. Nanna had been shopping for small gifts throughout the year. After all the other gifts were distributed she would bring out an old brown suitcase brimming with small parcels to distribute. Her little symbols of her love for us all were a highlight of Christmas Day.  I also remember staying awake as an older child long enough to see mum and dad place our gifts at the end of our beds. They had waited until they thought we had fallen asleep. I was tempted to take a peek to feel the shape and texture of the parcels within the Santa sack.

As adults the gifting of physical gifts changed. We became the givers of gifts rather than the recipients. It was a joy to watch our children open presents they had placed on their own Christmas list.  As they got older the gift requests became more specific and expensive. It became a difficult dilemma to cater for expanded tastes on Santa’s budget. Their realization that mum and dad were the actual givers of the gifts changed the dynamic of gifting. They were then invited into the true meaning of Christmas – the ability to give to others in a meaningful way.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

Winston S. Churchill.

When we think of gifting to others it is important to ask ourselves what the recipient really needs. In a year where people have been emotionally and physically stretched it may be the less tangible needs that take priority.

  • Being cared for and allowing for the opportunity to take downtime to relax and recharge.
  • Contributing to a family’s bills or assisting financially with the needs of others.
  • Helping families with Christmas gifts and celebration. Creating a special time over the Christmas period.
  • Connecting with others and providing a listening ear so they can process the challenging year that has been.
  • Physical assistance around the home.

Whatever our gifting to others becomes, spending time to observe what may really be required is important. Perhaps it is less about spending money this Christmas Season and more about truly connecting and supporting each other in meaningful ways. What do you consider important in giving to others? Comment below.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook

Radically Accepting Life

December 10, 2020 by JanSmith

Radical Acceptance simply means acknowledging our reality. We may not like how our life is turning out yet once we come to a place of acceptance we are in the position to make changes and move forward. Alternatively, if our response is to struggle and reject reality, believing ‘this shouldn’t be happening to me’ and life is unfair, our emotional distress is heightened.

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be”

Sonia Ricotti
Photo by Andy Kelly on Unsplash

Two years ago I stepped away from my rather comfortable existence to find my way. At the time I felt broken, yet that truly wasn’t the case. I was just needing to take a journey of discovery to find out who I now was and to heal fragments of past pain. I needed to dig deep, like an archaeologist, to find my uniqueness – my particular gifts, intellect, and talents. It required learning to love myself first again, so others could enjoy being around me. To have the confidence to speak up and to advocate my needs.

It was a bold and scary journey. Truly going out of my comfort zone to step away from my marriage not knowing what the future held. I was grappling with sadness and disappointment about where my life had led. The picture of what I wanted in my life was different to my reality. The person I was at the time was an unhappy ‘shadow version’ of my true self. I needed to delve to the bottom of my struggle with life.

Accepting the Past

Part of the journey was in letting go of painful experiences in my past. When hurtful memories take hold they do so like a dog chewing a bone. Ruminating thoughts and emotions creating constant mind chatter.

I kept replaying the ‘what ifs’ or ‘what could I have done differently’. I second guessed my previous decisions and saw times where I may have possibly behaved differently or changed the trajectory of my life. I blamed myself for things that went wrong. Regret and shame are cruel mistresses.

To quiet my constant thoughts I delved into mindfulness, restorative yoga, and writing. Each practice took me out of my headspace and into my body and awareness. A soothing relief for the mind and a way to process emotional distress. I learnt to observe my thoughts and emotions rather than invest in them.

We all hold scars from our past. It is unhelpful to replay the scenarios over and over but have no control over changing the story. The first point of radical acceptance – acknowledging the circumstances of the past. Appreciating that each part of the puzzle of past events has made us the person we are right now. We have a choice then of how we continue the story.

Surrendering to the present

The current moment is one of surrender. Acknowledging this is who I am and this is my life – the second act of radical acceptance. With it comes the ability to have gratitude and appreciation for the things that are in my life and determine the next step. This year has been a particularly poignant time to surrender to our current circumstances.

To give into an act of such self-love that encompasses everything about me. To create healthy, compassionate boundaries and to step back from people pleasing habits that had become detrimental. These habits form in childhood when we discover that saying ‘yes’ to doing things for others earnt us praise. Patterns hard to break and we take them into our adult relationships, parenting style and workplaces. Even if our constant giving and putting others first causes us to feel a sense of resentment or overburden.

Having faith in the future

The final act of radical acceptance is the belief we can influence our future. The ability to manifest characteristics and circumstances that bring us joy. What an amazing thing it is to say – ‘I like the person I am and who I am becoming’. Having the ability to surround ourselves with nurturing relationships, experiences, and contributions we want to make. Each one reflecting the uniqueness of our personalities.

We will continue to fumble, make mistakes, and learn from them. If we accept life as we find it, we also discover an incredible peace. Each of us has a unique journey to take and our own life lessons to learn. In acknowledging life’s complexity we can be kind to both ourselves and to others. We can also find the motivation for change.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
« Previous Page
Next Page »

Sign up to our newsletter

* indicates required

Healing the Matriarch

Healing the Matriarch

Recent Posts

  • The Life Pause
  • Disconnect to Reconnect Island Style
  • Letting In Positive Experiences
  • Making Decisions from the Heart
  • Finding beauty and purpose in the broken
June 2026
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930  
« Mar    

Archives

Blog Categories

Copyright © 2026 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in