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All Good Things..

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As my husband and I prepared for our journey to the northern Tip of Australia neither of us had particular expectations of what the experience would hold. It was on my husband’s ‘Bucket List’ and that was enough to prompt us booking this small group tour of Cape York Peninsula.

For weeks leading up to our departure our spare bedroom looked like a makeshift wardrobe. The bed littered with relatively neat piles of clothing. Lighter clothing than what we were currently wearing in our Australian winter. T-shirts, shorts, hats and sunscreen, backpacks and walking shoes. The excitement was building as we added and subtracted pieces that we felt were needed. I pondered if I needed that many clothes. What was smart casual for dinner wear? Did I have enough Band-Aids if my feet blistered on tour?

Also packed with our luggage were proof of Covid Vaccination, RAT tests for Day 1 to provide evidence of our health and face masks for the plane flights. We were stepping into the reality of travel in Covid times.

Touching down in Cairns we were pleased to find our luggage had arrived with us. The current school holiday period in a majority of Australian states had meant airports were busy. Queensland destinations filling with holidaymakers. We settled into our accommodation at the ‘Shang’ (Shangri-La The Marina, Cairns), walked the Esplanade clearing our heads with fresh, non-aircraft air and enjoyed dinner in the hotel’s restaurant.

‘You must go on adventures to find out where you truly belong’

Sue Fitzmaurice

Midday the following day the tour bus arrived at our accommodation. There was an immediate sense of being held with a quiet, friendly confidence by our tour guides, Doug and Kate. This husband and wife team were one of five crews driving the Cape York Peninsula Tour with Outback Spirit. We soon learned that a tour was two days ahead of us, and one two days behind us. Each crew sharing valuable feedback on road conditions and weather with each other.

Our first stop was the up market tourist destination of Port Douglas. Five Star accommodation to ease us into travel. Along the way our bus detoured into the coastal hamlet of Palm Cove. An opportunity to stretch our legs and for Doug and Kate to assess the punctuality and personality of the tour members. They soon discovered that we functioned comfortably together, each well-travelled and valuing punctuality. Something that’s not always achieved with group travel.

Our next full day was an exploration of the Daintree National Park. This ancient rainforest is spectacular and uniquely diverse. Our indigenous guide, Tom, welcomed us to country before we took an informative rainforest walk. Later in the day we spotted crocodiles on a river cruise and walked a more remote section of the rainforest with guides Neil and Angie Hewett. Their passion, dedication and knowledge was astounding. A highlight was a close up encounter with a male cassowary and his two chicks. I’m not sure who was more intrigued – the cassowaries as they inquisitively ventured closer to us, or us with our mobile phone cameras at the ready. Thankfully it was a friendly, fleeting encounter.

Crossing the Daintree River, via ferry, the next day opened our vista to completely different surroundings. Fortunately the weather held out and we were able to travel the Bloomfield Track on our way to Cooktown. A roller coaster ride of incredible scenery, undulating dirt track and creek crossings. Thankfully we were able to sit back and let Doug do the driving.

The ‘Cape Crusaders’ we dubbed ourselves. Traversing remote National Parks, flying via helicopter over the pristine coastline of Princess Charlotte Bay, eating with the locals at outback pubs, telling jokes by the campfire at Moreton Telegraph Station and swimming together at Fruit Bat Falls. Consolidating our friendships with each other along the way.

The culmination of our trip was the short hike to the northern ‘Tip of Australia’. We had a beautiful day and with each other’s support made our way to lands edge. As we marveled at the beautiful scenery from this unique vantage point a rainbow appeared to signal the end of our mainland journey. Together we had made it, satisfied and enriched by our experience.

Rainbow over Cape York

When you look at a map of Australia the Cape York Peninsula covers a small area of its land. Yet the distance between Cairns and the tip of Australia at Bamaga is just shy of one thousand kilometres. It can be driven over several days but we took the leisurely route over two weeks. Experiencing a unique part of Australia. Rich in diverse landscape, culture, people and stories.

At times we had limited or no internet service. That didn’t phase us too much (once we accepted the reality) and it gave us permission to savour the experiences and deepen the connections we were making.

We’ve continued to keep in touch with each other. Something much easier to do in the era of social media and mobile phone messaging. We’ve shared photos and acknowledgement of arriving home safely to our everyday lives. While our travel experience invariably had to come to an end the friendships that have formed will go beyond our journey together.

As the saying goes …’ All good things must come to an end’. Yet this trip has left lasting memories to sustain us and invited more good things, including friendships, into our lives.

Flourishing in Later Life

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When you think of aging well, is your focus on maintaining a youthful appearance and physical vitality or does it mean much more to you? Susan Sands PhD in her recently published book The Inside Story describes three factors that research has demonstrated are vitally important to flourishing in later life. These include maintaining our social connections, finding meaning and purpose and cultivating wholesome emotions such as gratitude.

We are living longer. We’ve added thirty years of life expectancy over the past century and these years have all been added to the latter stage of our lives. We spend a longer period of time living beyond active parenting and paid work. This has created a meaning making challenge of deciding what we do with the additional years we have been gifted with.

Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash

Prior to stepping into this phase of our lives we have been busy. Multi-tasking home, family and employment responsibilities. Striving to successfully raise children and mastering our professional careers. Paying off mortgages and staying on top of our bills.

‘We work like crazy during the middle stage so we can finally retire and do what we want’

Susan Sands

Yet our dilemma may be deciding the framework of these years. The people we desire to be and the life experiences we plan to have. Psychology professor, Laura Carstensen, describes a life-span theory of motivation that views aging as an increased opportunity to focus attention on emotionally meaningful goals and activities. It’s as if we finally realize the finite nature of our lives and decide to act accordingly.

She even suggests we take a much slower pathway through life. Using the first forty years to devote time to our education and apprenticeship to our careers so we can maintain a healthier balance in raising our families. This would allow people to devote more time to full time work later in life in the middle years. Eventually easing our workload to retire later in life if we choose. Even then, we can make valuable forms of contribution to those we come in contact with.

It will require society changing its view of aging to enable a more positive view. To value the gained wisdom and knowledge acquired by elders and ensure they are active contributors to the well-being of others. In turn, their personal happiness also increases.

‘Genuine happiness does not come from your life’s circumstances e.g. having the perfect family, job, good looks or wealth. Instead it is about who you are and what you do.’

Martin Seligman

How do we foster those qualities that help us age well?

Social Connection –

  • Once we reach midlife it is often a time of unravelling our lives and also our relationships. It can be a time where new friendships form as we move from being parents and workers to the next stage of our lives. Even if some of those roles remain, they often evolve. For example, working part time, consulting or volunteering with different organisations, becoming grandparents rather than parents. This is a time that some of us travel more or relocate. Each time meeting new people and naturally loosening the bonds with some of our previous connections. It’s important to deepen new relationships and also stay in touch or reconnect with some of our previous friends.
  • Transitioning to a new life stage may mean having periods of feeling isolated and lonely. Look for interesting activities to do. Choose some that provide regular social connections through the week. Others can be less frequent outings that you can anticipate with pleasure.
  • Fostering connections sometimes involves getting out of your comfort zone to ‘show up’ at social events or activities. Create opportunities to engage with others or join groups that interest you. Work out whether you are a person who prefers deep connection with one or a few others; or enjoy the energy and buzz of mingling in larger crowds. Honour this personal preference in the types and duration of interactions you plan.
  • It’s also important to balance social connection with time alone to pursue your creativity and interests. Now you can be less focused on the clock and more immersed in what you enjoy doing. Often these solo pursuits lead naturally to interactions with others who share the same interest.

Finding meaning and purpose

  • As humans, we gain deep meaning from the roles of raising children and through our work. It can be daunting to step away from these roles and to find new perspectives in regard to our purpose in the world.
  • Ikigai – The Japanese Secret of a Long and Happy Life written by Garcia and Miralles makes the strong connection between having a deep sense of purpose and contribution and living longer. We each need a reason to get up in the morning and where we may find it is in examining our personal qualities – what we are good at, those things we love – our passions and interests and what the world (or even our small slice of it) needs which can become our mission. Having the confidence to share our unique gifts with the world often opens up additional opportunities for connection and contribution.
  • Life will continue to challenge us and be stressful. This isn’t a negative thing as often the hurdles in life motivate our action and when we are not overwhelmed can contribute to our sense of vitality and self-reliance.

Cultivating Gratitude

  • Dr Rick Hanson suggests gratitude can be a daily practice of appreciating the ‘ordinary jewels’ of our everyday life. These can include the roof over our head, enough food to nourish our bodies and experiencing love and care in our relationships. We can be grateful for others who contribute to our physical and emotional well-being. Find ways to acknowledge and show your appreciation.
  • Gratitude is strongly linked to our sense of happiness. It also lifts our mood, increases life satisfaction and helps us build resilience. As we age, research has shown we also tend to become naturally happier. Perhaps part of this is being able to see a wider, more balanced view of life. With experience we can appreciate the sweet moments without denying or minimizing the bitter experiences endured. We see the life lessons and personal growth that may have occurred during our more difficult times.
  • Gratitude shifts our attention away from resentment, regret and guilt. Rather than focusing on either the ‘poor me’ or ‘those bad people’(blaming others) stories that ruminate in our brain we can pause and notice what we are saying to ourselves. It requires being in the present moment, basically accepting life as it is and asking instead ‘what should be done from now on’. It is impossible to go back and rewrite the past. Acceptance and finding courage to seek happiness going forward is a good strategy. Read more about this in the book The Courage to be Happy (Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga).
  • To reap the rewards of gratitude make it a regular practice. It is also important to delve more deeply into what we are grateful for. The first step is placing awareness and attention on a good fact about your life. Take it in with your senses and feel the natural emotional responses surrounding the thought. Notice the details and stay with the moment of appreciation for a while longer. Repeating this practice regularly will help the habit of gratitude grow in your life.
  • Gratitude is not just about ourselves. It should also be extended to feelings of happiness for the wonderful things in the lives of others. This helps us overcome jealousy and envy. Unhappiness and suffering come from comparing ourselves and our lives with others.
  • What may help is realizing we are only getting a glimpse into people’s lives. Others may seem fortunate, blessed with relationships or material possessions we don’t have. Yet we rarely know the challenges and pain they may also be facing. Much of what happens in our lives is the result of a vast network of causes which we have little influence over. Each of us are travelling along our own unique path in life. It’s helpful to shift the focus back to the things that are good in our own circumstances.

All of us, if we are fortunate, will inevitably age. Seeing aging as a wonderful gift of additional years can help us focus on doing the task well. It requires active steps to stay engaged with life and each other. To care for not only our physical needs but also our social and psychological needs. This will allow us to continue enjoying each day and to make valuable contributions to our world.

Enjoying Your Life

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Imagine you have an enjoy-o-meter inbuilt in your body. Each time you notice something interesting, experience something you like doing, that is pleasurable or that nurtures you, the meter shifts its reading. Your overall enjoyment of life increases.

It’s not as easy a task as it sounds. It is more difficult to sustain the positive feelings of our enjoyable experiences than to recall the more negative feelings of a threatening one. As humans, we have evolved over millions of years to react that way. To notice the dangers in our path – a predator or natural hazard- rather than to savour the good. In a way our brain is telling us there will be other opportunities for enjoyable experiences provided we survive any lurking crisis.

Our amygdala, a structure within our brain, constantly scans for potential dangers and alerts us to the need for possible action. An efficient evolutionary system that has allowed us to survive and pass on our genes to future generations. Its downfall is that in our everyday life we tend to overestimate potential dangers and underestimate our resources to overcome the challenges. Our brain has a evolved with a negativity bias. Which seems a bit unfair as our life experience is mainly one which is neutral or positive. So it’s important that we take in the good experiences in life.

Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash

When you watch children at play, particularly young children, you observe their focused interaction with life. They seem more cued into awe and less aware of potential dangers around them. They are fascinated by the world and its minute detail. If left undisturbed they usually find pleasure and interest for extended periods of time. Our daily lives provide less opportunity to escape responsibilities and competing demands. Therefore finding enjoyment in life as an adult needs to be more conscious and deliberate.

How do you find more enjoyment in life?

1. Focus on the question – What in life do I most enjoy?

Ask yourself, what are the things in life that bring you enjoyment. Find the activities that bring you flow. That sense that you lose track of time when you are engrossed in them. Look for opportunities that bring you wonder or delight. Those things that add to your vitality and bring you meaning. Once you have some ideas put them somewhere to prompt you to make time to do them. Whether its your diary, calendar or other type of organizer. Better still, involve others in the planning to enhance a sense of connection and to share the experience. Big plans aren’t important. It may be a small, regular ritual of self-love or connection that brightens your day.

‘The days that make us happy, make us wise’

John Masefield

2. Give yourself permission to enjoy life.

At times we can think its inappropriate to fully express ourselves and enjoy being alive. We may stifle our playfulness and spontaneity as an adult. Particularly for women, there may be a need to ensure everyone else enjoys an experience before we allow ourselves to. Grief for someone who can no longer share joy-filled experiences or caring for an ill or disabled loved one may make us put our own enjoyment on the back burner. There can be a sense of guilt for enjoying life when others around us are unable to.

3. Recognize the benefits of enjoyable experiences –

Enjoyable experiences make life worth living, help us recover from stress and emotional upsets, calm and nourish the body and motivate us to stay on the path of our goals and dreams. They can also help us build inner strengths such as resilience, vitality and calm. They help us tolerate and tap into our inner resources to get through the challenging times in life.

To help them ‘stick’ it’s important to stay with enjoyable experiences, savour them and allow time to really take in their benefits. Involve your senses and notice what is novel or new. Choose experiences that are personally relevant and meaningful as these stay with us longer as emotional memory.

Each time you immerse yourself in a positive experience you are creating or enhancing the neural pathways in your brain. This is possible throughout life, allowing us to strengthen our positivity through ongoing positive experiences.

‘Neurons that fire together, wire together’

Canadian Psychologist Donald Hebb

There is a connection between enjoying life and becoming a deeper, wiser, and perhaps a more spiritual person.  Very often the experiences that are enjoyable and make us happy, also help us grow more inner resources to deal with life.

In our distracted, busy days we can forget to truly notice what’s happening around us. Take time to slow down and be more deliberately observant as you take in both the spontaneous and planned joyful experiences that arise. Your mind and body will thank you for it.

Where Did My Life Go?

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Warning: A ‘Pity Party’ follows. ‘Pity Party’ – meaning an instance of feeling self-indulgently sorry for yourself.

I have an alternative universe going on in my head right now. One where I can freely move around to see my family and friends. I travel to wonderful destinations and enjoy lots of face to face time dancing, singing, creating and exercising. I can experience live events, visit galleries and museums and spend time in the presence of others and feel their energy. Then reality hits me with a ton of bricks. Life feels like it’s been turned upside down and try as I might, I am unable to correct it. I am craving a life that lives in my head, yet no longer exists.

I go about my day at home. Cleaning, cooking, washing clothes and putting them away. The monotony of the daily routine feels like groundhog day. At times I find things to keep me engaged with life – books, magazine articles, podcasts, blog writing, online conversations. They spark my interest, yet I still feel like I am living my life as a bubble inside my head.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

‘The connection I yearn for is the face to face contact with people around me. Unmasked and healthy.’

Even when I do venture out into the community I feel like I am moving within my own energy bubble. Everyone is wearing a mask and keeping socially distanced from each other. Viewing others as potential candidates who may infect them. I personally feel less fearful now I am fully vaccinated. Yet I miss the smiles, the hellos to greet others, the opportunity for personal conversation. The quality of life we once enjoyed, and perhaps took for granted. In its place are the eyes and bodies of others looking increasingly lifeless and weary. Their spark of joy gone.

‘I am sure I am not the only one missing their life… A life filled with plans and expectations. Now feeling it slowly dwindle away without being fully lived.’

I know there is a need to persevere, to get through life as its possible to live at the moment. Yet I feel frustrated and emotionally drained. I have had enough of connecting with others online right now. Living life largely behind a screen. It feels unnatural. I have had enough of listening to the daily news, pandemic updates and commentary on our televisions and social media feeds. Is this what life has come to?

Where did life go?

I imagine that if I was still in the active years of parenting I would be busy. Connecting and caring for our children, home schooling along with the daily household chores. There would be more human beings in our household to interact with. I could say a similar thing about my previous working life as a teacher, although now I would be masked up and protected in my workplace. So different to what I remember.

I enjoy the company of children. They are simpler beings who come with less baggage and expectations. They are in love with life and eager to learn about it. Now it is it difficult to connect with either our own grandchildren or other children. There is the grim reality that they are unprotected from catching this virus.

I see them observing a rather strange life where the adults’ facial expressions are hidden behind masks and their voices muffled. I see us, as adults, making the same observations. Much more informed yet just as helpless to change the circumstances. People avoiding each other, spraying surfaces and disinfecting their hands, fearful of contamination by the contact of others. These are all tangible signs of human disconnection.

I see memories of places we have travelled. Tour companies and the travel industry keep enticing us with possible future offerings. Yet there is no certainty that in the future faraway places will be able to be explored.

One of the joys of travel is the people you meet along the way and the cultural experiences of being somewhere different. Now the highlight of the day is the drive to the supermarket or another essential retail outlet armed with our mask, phone and reusable bags. Thankfully we can also exercise outdoors within the current restrictions. Usually close to home in familiar territory.

‘I hope the world is still out there one day when we can venture further’.

I want my life back, or a similar version in the future. The way it is right now is only just bearable. Let’s all hope that this will only be a blimp on our life radar and better days are to come.

May 2025
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