I’ve recently shared a wonderful poem by Donna Ashworth within my Healing the Matriarch Community private Facebook group. It resonated with their lived experience and captured the changes women go through as they reach mid-life and navigate beyond.
It’s a victory poem of: –
- overcoming previous adversity to gain a new sense of resilience.
- Closing some chapters of life and embracing others.
- Acquiring a new sense of our own personal priorities.
- Developing a growing acceptance and regard of the woman we are, rather than one the world has expected of us. How we look, what we say and how we interact in our world.
BY 40, OUR MIDDLE FINGER IS AT HALF-MAST…By 50, it’s full on UP.
By 60, both of those fingers are hoisted in a V…and not a single care is given any more.
Donna Ashworth from To the Women: words to live by
It’s a time of midlife reset. Author and Sociologist researcher, Brene Brown sees the midlife years, our 40’s and 50’s, as a time of unravelling of our multiple identities. It is a time to examine who we are in each role and decide what no longer serves us. In doing this exploration we move closer to our true authentic nature. For many women the default of being nurturers and deferring to the needs of others is examined. The role of motherhood shrinks as our children become independent and initially a void may exist where we may feel our ‘reason for being’ is challenged.
Like many life stage changes it is unsettling. It’s a time of reinvention and transformation. Of our relationships and ourselves. Eventually the capacity to nurture can be widened. To our role as grandparents, daughters of elderly parents and wise women within our broader communities. The ability to nurture is central to supporting the generations that follow us.
There is also an importance of beginning to nurture ourselves more. Women at this stage of life can find themselves refocusing and prioritizing their personal needs. Beginning a self-love journey and getting reacquainted with the woman they currently are. In the busy decades previously there was much less time to turn the focus inward.
Prioritizing yourself may at first feel selfish. Let those feelings sit and be examined. Allow parts of the journey of rediscovery be a reflection of all you have accomplished in your life so far. Think about the qualities you have developed and experiences you have had along the way. What passions and interests you once had (perhaps in childhood or young adulthood) and those that you are ready to pursue now.
An Exercise to Explore
Author of ‘Making Sense of Menopause, Susan Willson, describes a beautiful exercise called String of Pearls. Often we recall a sequence of stories and memories from our lives that describe who we are today. I am smart, I am stubborn, I am fat, I am shy, I am a person who can get things done, I am reliable … etc.
Beginning in childhood look back as early as your memory allows. Then trace a particular self-belief along your life’s journey into adulthood until you reach present day. Like a string of pearls your internal beliefs about yourself have evolved over time. Threading pearls on the string, one by one. Imagine if an alternate belief had surfaced at any previous point in your life. What changes would that have made to how you view yourself now?
Reflect on your relationships with others. How will they become different? Have your expectations and boundaries changed? The empty nest is a pivotal time for resetting family dynamics. A time to expand relationships beyond the family unit and workplace. New connections will more likely occur based on your interests and passions. Days will be less scheduled as you leave paid work behind. Yet new activities can take on a new depth and meaning.
As Donna Ashworth’s poem concludes it calls women to be increasingly more authentic. To embrace the preciousness of our remaining years and live them well.
This is our time to be completely and totally who we are supposed to be all along.
The sooner you get there, the better.
Life waits for no woman.
I wish you well with your journey into the third stage of your life.
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