Have you ever been in a situation where you have planned or dreamed about a special occasion and when it arrives you quietly anticipate things going awry? That was me around my planning for celebrating Christmas this year with our adult children and their families. Would it live up to expectation?
So many times in our lives we anticipate a future event. Mentally choreographing what would occur, how we would be and the actions, words and emotions of those around us. In the daydreaming, the imagery is visceral. We feel the hugs and cuddles, hear the laughter and conversation and smell the aromas of food shared.
My own fondest memories of Christmas lay in my childhood. Extended family gatherings and a Nanna who waited until all the gifts were distributed then brought out an old suitcase of small, individually wrapped presents to distribute. Food was a highlight and each consecutive year I remember more sherry being added to the traditional Christmas trifle as Nanna aged.
The memories of Christmas beyond my childhood have been bittersweet. I lost my mum and Nanna when I was 22 years old so for me the intact, joyful experience of celebration left alongside their parting. My husband and his family continued to celebrate large extended Christmas Days and holidays together. I am eternally grateful that our children could experience such lovely Christmases in their own childhood. For me, there were always moments of sadness that we couldn’t fully reciprocate the experience with my side of the family.
The Christmas of 2021 became my opportunity as matriarch to create memories with my own family. With Covid restrictions and the loss of my husband’s mother in May, I made a conscious decision to host our immediate family for the Christmas period in our home.
It was joyful to buy gifts early and plan the meals that we would have over several days. We prepared our home and garden and the week before Christmas decorated our tree, giving it pride of place in the living room. I also wanted to update our professional family photos. Our family had grown by three more grandchildren and it had been a decade since the last ones were taken. A local photographer was booked for just after Christmas Day.
As the day approached we nervously anticipated the safe travel and good health of each family member. Both families had long car journeys to take in heavier than usual traffic. It was a relief when they arrived and began settling into our home. Each family had visited their grandparent’s plot at the memorial gardens and as night fell on Christmas Eve we walked the neighbourhood streets admiring the beautiful Christmas lights on the houses. Santa sacks were placed near the Christmas tree as our excited and weary grandchildren headed off to bed.
Christmas morning was a flurry of joyful activity, opening presents and scattering the carefully wrapped paper around ourselves. Croissants for brunch then the timed execution of a hot roast lunch. The weather was delightful on Christmas day so we swam in the pool, drank and ate into the evening. I waited, but no disappointment appeared, the day went beautifully.
Disappointment is unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment
Brene Brown – Atlas of the Heart.
Boxing Day we spent at a favourite beach. One we had ventured to for family holidays over the years. It was a gorgeous, sunny morning. The waves were calm and the water clear and inviting. We couldn’t have orchestrated anything more perfect. There were a few sun kissed faces as we headed to the shade of trees for a fish and chip lunch.
The next morning we woke to early rain. This was the day of our Family Photo shoot. In my mind the disappointment surfaced. This was an infrequent opportunity to be together and we really wanted to take the photos outdoors in our garden. We took a ‘wait and see’ approach with our photographer and aimed for a 10.00 am shoot. Unbelievably as the time approached the sun suddenly began to shine and we were able to capture some beautiful images together.
The remaining days together we swam, ate, played and conversed. Having the luxury of time and space to really connect with each other. As each family left to head on their way home, I felt a real sense of contentment for the time we had spent together.
Christmas holds many memories for us. The family matriarchs are often the instigators of the aspects of celebration. For me, no disappointment arrived. It was a wonderful family time together that I will always cherish. I hope for our children and grandchildren it will also be a time they will recall and reminisce. A time to add to their store of memories.
At times we can look for occasions to disappoint us especially if we put lots of planning and anticipation into them. What may be best is to ‘go with the flow’ accepting what turns up and adding it to the memory bank. Sometimes things go as planned. Other times unexpected things happen. I was just delighted that all I had hoped for came to fruition. A beautiful Christmas with my family.