Sitting together on a picnic rug by the river. A group of local women gathered to celebrate their Christmas Party. An outdoor Escape Room team challenge followed by a beautiful gathering around food and bubbles. A perfect way to end our year of connection.
The conversation turns to how long each of us have been living in our coastal community. The answers varied from only a few months to several years. For me, its been twenty years living here. We moved from the country when our last child finished school. Doing a ‘sea change’ without our children.
‘Well, you’re a local’ was the response of one of the women. A badge of honour that seems to be only conferred to those who have lived here all of their lives or at least several decades. I realized yes that finally I did feel like a local, but it’s been a long journey towards that realization.
I am a country girl, through and through. Growing up in a town where my grandparents were among the first pioneering families to settle. My roots are deep in the red dirt of this farming community. I spent my childhood growing up there. When you are embedded in a community like that people know you based on your family and school connections. You are someone’s granddaughter, daughter, sister, school mate or friend.
When we returned to the community as a family in the early 90’s my children would always be surprised that it took so long to walk the main street. Regularly stopping to chat with people who knew me even though I had moved away in my late teens to university. For me, slipping back into my childhood community as an adult was easy.
Not so easy for my husband who had grown up on the outskirts of a major city. For him the connections were harder to make and mainly came through work and sport. Eventually the yearning for a more coastal lifestyle beckoned. We found a home near the beach and within eighteen months had made the transition to the seaside community we now live in.
We still retained work commitments with our country business. Travelling monthly back to visit. Most of the time my husband could work from home when technology finally allowed the possibility. He loved the new compromise and quickly settled into local life. For me, the trips back were an opportunity to catch up with our now young adult children. Eventually our first grandchild came along and the emotional pull back to the country began for me.
Over the ensuing years I’ve had several ‘escapes’ back to the country. I lived several years back in the community during the last years of my father’s life. Finding my very last teaching role while supporting my sister with dad’s care. I also returned during the recent Covid years to help our children with childcare and home schooling our grandchildren. Each time I felt the emotional priority of my decisions outweighed the more comfortable, retired existence we had created.
What have I learnt about making a ‘Seachange’/’Treechange’?
You broaden your connections and life experience by moving community.
When you have lived in the same place all of your life you maintain existing connections over a long period of time. A wonderful thing but something that also may hinder you meeting new people. Moving to somewhere where you know very few people can be daunting. It can also be an opportunity to expand your friendship network. Meeting people from differing backgrounds and life experiences.
Establish your own friendships and activities separate to your family.
This is a big one if you move to be closer to your adult children and their families. Keeping your family connections as your main locus of attention can hinder meeting others and engaging with a new community. Maintain separate lives within the same geographic area to help keep relationships harmonious with your extended family. When you do get together you will have some interesting experiences to share about your lives.
Use your interests and passions to form connections with your new community.
The things we enjoy doing are highly transferable. Use your interests and passions to find groups within your new community. Some groups may specifically aim to welcome new residents. Join community events and activities. Seek out information about what’s on in your new community.
Be kind to yourself in the transition, however long it takes.
You may fall in love with your new location immediately. Alternatively, like me, it may take a long time to feel settled and content. Accept however you feel and try not to be discouraged and regretful of your decision. Its common to feel a sense of ‘what have I done’ at moments of transition. To pine for the familiar of your previous location. To miss friends and activities you enjoyed. Resist the temptation to compare as each community has its own unique offerings. Just allow yourself the time to discover what your new location has to offer.
Moving location can fill us with a mix of emotions. Our sense of stability can be replaced by a sense of disconnection from the familiar. We may regret our decision. Change is challenging. Give yourself time. You may be surprised to find that, like me, you eventually feel like a local. Content and emotionally connected to a new community of people. It’s taken a while, but it’s been worth it.
What has been your experience of moving to a different geographic location? Comment below.
