What makes a woman irresistible as she ages? The common belief is that older women become invisible in our western society. Yet what if the stereotype we believe of ourselves as older women can be turned on its head and we take instead the persona of the irresistible.

‘You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty and irresistible for the rest of your life’

Coco Chanel

To understand what qualities a woman can emulate, it is good to look at the meaning and similar words to that of ‘irresistible’. An irresistible woman is described as “too attractive and tempting to resist”. The attractiveness is more in her authentic inner glow than in the fleeting physical beauty of her youth. She is alluring, desirable, captivating, enchanting and fascinating.

What makes her irresistible in the eyes of others?

1. Her sense of knowing from a full life lived. She has a wealth of lived experience including the full spectrum of highs and lows. This has given her an intuitive wisdom and acceptance of what life is all about. Her knowledge is based on reality.

2. Her comfortability with who she is and all she has achieved so far in life. As an older woman she has experienced a variety of roles and situations. She has the maturity of an amazingly complex toolkit of life responses. This time of life allows her to reflect on her youthful days. The path she has taken and the joys and sorrows she has witnessed. Her physical allure is a different one. Her beauty comes from an inner radiance that prompts the love and admiration of others.

3. Her authenticity which radiates as a calm confidence. She has lived in her skin for a long time. She knows her preferences in clothes, interests, and people. This gives her the ability to interact with others in a genuine way and make informed choices around her needs. She knows what she wants from life and is more often capable of the means to achieve it.

4. Her mastery at the things that are her unique gifts. Older women have built upon skills over their lifetimes. At this stage of their lives they often have a mastery of particular skills and knowledge which can be valuable to pass onto others. As mentors and wise women they can take younger generations under their guidance. The evolutionary role of the grandmother to provide solid guidance on life skills for their grandchildren is a prime example.

5. Her myriad of stories to tell. Older women can be the keepers of memories for others. They have lived through a variety of eras and know that while some things change, others remain the same or return to us in a cyclical flow. Sharing stories and photos of previous parts of our lives can be fascinating to those who are younger. Others see us as we are today. Perhaps they also need to see that we were younger versions, just as they are, who enjoyed life in a variety of ways.

If you are a woman who is approaching or past the age of forty, take heart from the words of Coco Chanel. Know that your youthful attractiveness can give way to a more mature allure. An allure based on more inner qualities and life mastery.

Use the middle part of your life to reflect on what has been. What you have experienced and learnt in life. Assess the woman you have become with gratitude. Take time to explore your desires for the future. This reflection may require journal writing or looking through memories and photos. Know, with confidence, that your allure as an older, irresistible woman can continue throughout the remainder of your life.

Perhaps the longer you live, the more you see patterns emerging in your life. Initially, a situation causes you to struggle or feel completely stuck. Your mind races with ruminating thoughts or you develop what is often dubbed a ‘monkey mind’. Constantly replaying a mind movie with no satisfactory solutions to your problems. You feel a sense of helplessness and overwhelm. It all feels mentally and physically draining.

Over time, it becomes obvious that the inertia of the problem is too painful and you move forward into action. Personal growth happens in a variety of ways. You learn to relate anew to both your problem and to those around you. You seek out relevant information that leads to new perspectives. You build the confidence to relate differently, seeing yourself in a new light. During the process keep saying to yourself – ‘I am worthy, I am capable’.

‘The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance.’

Alan Watts.

Slowly you evolve as a person, often without consciously being aware of the changes within. The ‘mirror’ to your growth is your changed behaviour, more likely noticed by others. Its only when you revisit the initial issues, coming full circle, that you notice the difference in yourself.

Often after a period of growth you find yourself in replay mode of the initial problem. Thrust into eerily similar situations that first brought the stroke of the circle into being. Yet this time you are less reactive – calmer and collected. Thankfully now armed with strategies to respond in a different way.

As the circle of growth closes, nothing exterior may have changed. The only difference could be what emerges within you. Yet there is also the possibility that your own personal growth may have caused others to respond by reassessing their own actions and life perspectives. You may provide the trigger for them to go on their own journey of discovery and personal growth.

Others may not like the new, more confident version of you. They see it as a threat to the status quo they were accustomed to. Preferring the ‘older model’ they may retreat out of your life. It is sad, but your newly evolved self needs new interactions and new ways of being.

‘When people show you their true colours don’t get mad, paint beautiful mural life lessons, and keep marching forward.’

Focus on yourself and embrace everything you have learnt.

Keep refining, growing, and learning how to navigate your life.

Keep an open mind to new opportunities that emerge and different people who will be attracted to your more assured self.

Embrace each new life chapter as it begins.

Remind yourself that life is ever changing. If you feel you are currently struggling, reach out to others and become inquisitive about finding solutions. It is often a painful place to be at the beginning of a circle of growth, yet the rewards of moving forward, with renewed perspectives and understanding, is worth the effort of the journey.

In the process of manifesting change, it can be exciting to dream of the next thing on the horizon. From the comfort zone of our present lives we begin to imagine a different future. It may be because we feel stuck in the patterns of our current thoughts and behaviour. In response we are seeking new habits and approaches to how we have responded to past situations. Alternatively, it can be motivated consciously by our desires for a better, alternate future. This type of change is a larger one to navigate.

There comes a moment in the change process where some of our planning begins to turn into actionable steps. It feels like a sense of momentum is formed and we assume the belief that there is no turning back. This may be from a decision to begin or end a relationship, move home, or venture on a new career path or business. These are large changes to our lifestyle and the focus of this blog.

While it is exciting to feel our lives change gears it can also be daunting. As things gain momentum we feel ourselves thrust into unknown territory. This space in between our present and future lives can feel quietly exciting and unnerving all at the same time. It is not uncommon to have a feeling of remorse and panic once our decisions are made. It is just our natural human urge to feel safe and secure as we biologically resist the discomfort associated with a new direction. An urge we need to give up momentarily to accept the next step in our journey.

New thoughts and plans rush into our mind as a way to control the process. It may be a time for juggling the day to day of our current life with major decisions surrounding our future. It can be an overwhelming time and tax our emotions and energy levels. To cope it is important to create a mental space to prioritize what is required to get to our new life.

A diary or calendar is handy to work out some of the logistics of the change. It is even worthwhile to begin with the end date in mind and work backwards to the current time. Brainstorm all the possible steps as a flexible ‘To do’ list and work out appropriate time and energy required to accomplish each task. Enlist the help of others, either directly to assist with jobs on your list or to indirectly support your ability to get it all done. For example, others taking care of your children or supplying a meal.

Be kind to yourself in the process. If you need to sleep more to cope with the additional emotional energy generated, give yourself permission to do so. If you need time to reflect and process the changes occurring again allow this. Throughout the process there will be things you can control and others that arise incidentally that feel outside your control.

“Acceptance makes for incredible fertile soil for the seeds of change”.

Steve Maraboli

In the end the process of change will be a mix of both the expected and unexpected. It will continue to be a journey opening new doors of opportunity and personal insights. Hopefully at some future point you can look back with a sense of accomplishment. You’ve acquired a new sense of comfort level in your changed circumstances. Perhaps just enough time to feel cosy, until the next impetus for change arrives.