As a World, we are an aging population. Compared to the 1950s when eight percent of the population in the developed world were 65 years and older, by 2030 it will rise to twenty three percent and by 2050 twenty six percent of the population. In the developing world the percentages are lower, yet still rising in line with the developed world (United Nations development figures). The traditional pyramid model – a large base of youth which narrows as we age, is beginning to invert.

More of us are aging and the baby boom generation are moving out of the workforce and into the life stages beyond. Fewer younger people are economically supporting our economies and a level of fracture in inter-generational support is becoming more evident in our modern world. Where traditionally a multitude of generations relied on the physical support of each other to do life, our nuclear family model (mum, dad and the kids) is testing us. Is it no longer a sustainable way to live?

When I look at our current society I see large, distinct pillars where our youngest and oldest citizens spend a great deal of their time. Siloed in man created institutions separated from the greater world. Our economy based on long hours of work has dominated our culture and is required if we continue to focus on accumulating wealth and possessions rather than prioritizing our relationships with each other.

In response to the structure of modern life, our youngest and most vulnerable citizens are nurtured in childcare settings rather than in the family home. Their developing minds are like sponges and are greatly influenced by the world around them. The first seven years of their lives are crucial, yet as a society we undervalue the importance of these early formative years, parenting the young and the early childhood teaching profession.

Children then progress to school to be further institutionalized into the expectations of our modern world. We rely so heavily on the teachers and culture of our schools to get things right as we have less time to influence the beliefs and understandings of our own offspring. Yet strangely we have seen this year an appreciation yet undervaluing of the school teaching profession.

A similar institutionalization occurs at the other end of the life spectrum. Retiring singles or couples are encouraged to move to lifestyle communities where their activities centre on people of the same age group. As they live separated from multigenerational neighbourhoods, the young increasingly don’t see or interact with them. An unintended distance and intolerance develops.

As physical aging progresses, the options become more medicalized as individuals progress through various levels within aged care facilities. During Covid, we have seen how badly we have been doing in this sector. Lack of resourcing, professional staff, and respect for the elderly and those who care for them has been confronting to watch. Our oldest citizens have become our most vulnerable. It had laid hidden from our view for years, until it became prime time news.  

As a consequence of creating these silos we have fractured generational lines and the loss of influence and connection between the inquisitive and impressionable minds of the young and the wisdom and life experience of the elderly. During Covid, the hardest disconnection to experience seemed to be the inability for grandparents to physically connect with their grandchildren.

This year has produced a watershed moment, the possibility that we are being confronted with the realities of what we, as humans, have created in this world. Covid 19 has been a great impetus for learning life lessons. Our world is changing. What is no longer working is clearly evident and it is now the perfect timing to set things straight from the community level up.

We need this large demographic of elders to step up big time and really advocate for the future of this world. It is important that the wisdom of our life experience is consciously shared with the generations below. At the end of our lives we need to have successfully concluded our jobs as human beings and be ready to say our goodbyes.

Our world and everything in it has been feeling a level of exhaustion for life as it is. As a result, this year, we have been given an opportunity for temporary stillness. Philosopher Stephen Jenkinson believes one consequence of Covid has been an opportunity to slow down and realize our limitations as humans. We are becoming aware that no matter how much we desire to go back to the way things were, our lives have been changed. Perhaps in this time we have identified some crucial things for the better.

As a culture we had put a large focus on youthfulness. This had made us become phobic about aging and death. Yet death has been a dominant feature of the Covid pandemic. The elderly are dying, but we are also coming to terms with the death of the young. Covid does not discriminate.

In healthier times, it was easier to outsource and distance ourselves from the inevitable endings of our lives. Most of us believing somehow we would live forever. Never fully joining the conversation of the natural order of things. Not really noticing that we ourselves are continually changing – growing up then growing old. We shy away from conversations about death and impermanency. Yet we have been surrounded by it every day of our lives.

Yet a culture that does not believe in endings is a culture that has less heart. Our hearts were meant to be broken as we realize ourselves and those around us are continually aging. Each life stage produces its own endings and small goodbyes – at the school gate, as our children empty nest and become independent, as we change where we live, as we conclude work and retire, as we end relationships and marriages. It prepares us for the final inevitable physical goodbye from one another.

Once we acknowledge this reality, we don’t take each other for granted. We learn to sit in conversation with each other, to make time for our elders, to share the experiences of life and to learn all there is to know about ourselves and our ancestral links while we can. We invite our children and grandchildren to join us, realizing the valuable lessons they learn from being around people of all ages.

My hope is that we embrace the lessons we are currently being confronted with. That we change our ways and advocate for a better, more cohesive, and loving world. One where we understand the flow and impermanence of life.  One where we fully appreciate real connection between our generations while we can.

I began writing a blog for women – Healing the Matriarch, in the stillness and isolation of the Covid 19 pandemic. It became a way for me to find my unique voice, gain clarity around my personal journey and pay it forward to other women. As part of my emergence I also established a social media presence on Facebook. A page for the blog posts to be visible and a private group community for women to engage within.

It has been an interesting journey and one that has given me an insight not only into my own life, but that of women in general. One thing I have noticed is the lack of older women engaging on social media. I say the word, engaging, as what I see is women observing and reading the posts of others, perhaps a like or love emoji here or there. They are not fully engaging with their friends on newsfeeds, on pages or within groups. There are exceptions of course, as I am part of some interesting groups. Some spaces I engage in more than others, but if I have something to offer to a post I try to thoughtfully contribute.

So, what is going on here? When I speak to women face to face in my physical community they tell me they are reading my blog. That usually surprises me as I am not seeing the numbers of women who are quietly observing and reading translate into comments on my posts. The private Facebook group I established is slowly growing, but an equal number of women have been previewing the content. This has not translated into either accepting or declining my invitation to join the group. I think to myself, maybe it shouldn’t matter as I am more interested in quality over quantity connection. Yet at times it can feel like a one-sided relationship where I am investing the most energy. In a real-life interaction this imbalance can be hard work.

It brings me back to the question – So what is going on here?

Women can be each other’s worst enemies. The insecurity a woman feels comes from previous experience of being judged or criticized by others. It may be around a behaviour, a relationship, or an opinion. This has worked to cause women to retreat from engagement fearing ridicule or worse. At times, we have forgotten to step in each other’s shoes and show empathy and compassion. We can say or do something that hurts another woman, often without realizing. The only solution is to keep communication open. To speak up when something hurts us and resolve these hurts with each other quickly. A liberating move. Without it, the courage to step into our own authenticity and self-acceptance is a tall order.

Women have lost their voice – In childhood, a woman may have been told to stop talking and go and play away from their parents. They may have received the message that they are to be unseen, unheard and have little to contribute to conversations. As a teacher, I saw little girls asserting their personalities and voices, yet sometimes they quickly learnt what is expected and later uncool in their friendship groups. As they bloom into young women, are their voices equally heard in their marriages and workplaces?

My heart goes out to women in their adult years who squander their potential because they don’t see it in themselves. We need to lift each other up, notice and acknowledge the wonderful gifts and talents we see. We also need to give each other permission and confidence to say, ‘This is me, this is my story’. Not so much in the voice of a victim, more as a heroine who has overcome the odds. To allow each of us to inspire others and in turn be inspired.

Women are overwhelmed – Many adult women have way too much on their plate. They juggle relationships, work, and family without often taking a break. As women, they are emotionally and physically invested in their roles. They also feel the judgement of their ability to perform this juggling act on a regular basis.

When it comes to the end of the day they are often too numb to do anything other than a quick scroll of social media or interesting articles. They are afraid to add any more layers on their lives, even if the connection, support, or information they may gain would be invaluable for their journey.

Even once women have more time on their hands – past motherhood and work life, they are afraid of the emotional investment of engaging with others. They didn’t grow up with social media, so it sometimes appears complicated and messy. Yet with a little ‘Marie Condo’ to declutter what’s valuable and relevant to them, they can enhance the experience.

What is your opinion or thoughts on why older women are not fully engaged on Social Media? Has your experience been frustrating, uncomfortable, or irrelevant to your life?

As difficult as it seems, if women can find the bravery to share their thoughts and stories, they will find they are not alone. In speaking up and engaging, on social media and in life, they will find their kindred women to share life’s journey. Perhaps the time is right to make space for each of us to value ourselves, become vulnerable, and seek deeper connection.