Imagine you were able to hold the book of your own life in your hands. It has a unique cover that clearly depicts the colours, textures and words of your existence. The chapters within symbolize you and your life journey. The title of the book would represent why you are here. The pages within give the context for what you have come here to learn, create and share with others.

Each chapter is unique. It has its own title that encompasses a specific period or event in your life. Some of the chapters are filled with happy moments and others you would rather cross out sentences or tear out pages. If not, you would dearly love to rewrite them from a new perspective.

The story has paused just at this moment in time where you currently inhabit. The person you see in front of you has lived the chapters before and is a representation of the culmination of all those life experiences that are uniquely yours. The past has informed who you are, yet each day is the opportunity to write a new part of your story.

Our stories are carried in our bodies. They come to us from our earliest recollections as the processing of events in our lives. They are our perceptions of the world and come delicately attached with emotional energy and memory. Our earliest stories are often written within family, our first teachers. Beyond are the cultural and community influences that shape our view of the world.

Each time we retell the story of something that has happened in our lives it is delicately edited. Surprisingly as we tell some tales of life the emotional memory surges through in a deep well of love, hurt or grief that springs from our heart, or tears that drop from our eyes. At the time we may be surprised with the vividness of our emotional response. It does not seem to matter if the event was long ago, the emotions can vividly resurface.

On each telling the story transforms anew. Parts of our recall from the moment of experience remain, while other parts become embellishments of deeper understanding framed from our life experience. We may feel the need to retell the story many times to gain further clarity or to change our perception. When a story keeps us stuck in a moment in time, we need a prompt to search for alternate memories to balance our recall and strengthen resolve to move forward. If our story is part of a larger picture it needs the validation of others for this to happen. As we hold the collective stories of struggle, hurt and grief we give each other the opportunity to recalibrate earlier chapters of our life journey.

How wonderful it is to hear each other’s stories. There are benefits for both the speaker and listener. For the speaker it is an opportunity to take what is in their mind and body – our thoughts and feelings and process them aloud. It is also the opportunity to be validated and receive insights from others. For the listener, it is an opportunity to know the speaker beyond the surface of everyday conversation. We may get the chance to understand and appreciate their underlying perspective.

If we wish to know about a man, we ask ‘What is his story, his real, inmost story? – for each of us is a biography, a story 

Oliver Sacks – The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat.

Words are powerful. When they remain within us as ruminating thoughts, they have the potential to harm us. The anxiety and depression that we feel often comes from the shame of not wanting to burden others with our inner world. Yet if we can break through the insecurities of shame, we may find that as we speak up, we are heard and understood. Even if our experience feels unique to us when we share it with others, we find they can often relate in some way. We each hold stories of love, loss and belonging.

There is something unique about telling our story. To speak our journey with each other is more powerful than reading the biographical words on a page. In the retelling of our life experience we continually re-frame who we are and why our lives matter. The stories of our lives remain lovingly imperfect. We ‘rewrite’ them each time we retell them. A beautiful opportunity to process our past and newly inform our future.

Our lives provide a wonderful opportunity to learn life lessons and experience the full gamut of emotions. If we are blessed to be on this planet long enough, we witness the cyclical nature of our life. The innocence of childhood moves toward the responsibilities of adulthood and once more to the clarity and simplicity of old age. We often do not realize both ourselves and others are getting older. The awakening happens as major birthdays approach or health issues remind us of our finite years.

The elderly in our current world are often isolated from everyday community life. The days of multi-generational living have largely been replaced by age specific care. Lifestyle and retirement villages have become popular transitions for the elderly, not unlike the segregating of our little ones in childcare centres. In both professional settings, the physical and social needs can be met effectively and when they are high quality provide immense benefit to each age group. What may be the missing ingredient is the gathering of wisdom and insight from the elderly by each successive generation.

The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person

Andy Roomy

Several years ago, I volunteered as a community visitor at a high dependency aged care facility. I was matched with a beautiful lady in her nineties who through suffering physical injury had become increasing dependant on others. She had originally come from Austria to Australia with her husband and once he had died, she had no family and a small circle of neighbours and friends to support her.

Our tentative beginnings of connection soon forged into an incredibly special friendship. We shared our lives and stories. For me she became my wise woman crone. Her perspective was sharp and insightful as I brought the outer world into her room and she shared her remembering and current journey with me. I noticed her ability to advocate for her needs as her physical ability decreased and dependence grew. She tenderly supported the age care workers who came into her room to deliver meals, help her with personal care and attend to her medical needs. Sadly, for me, she died eighteen months into our connection. Ironically, it was at the time I had just arrived in her homeland Austria on an overseas holiday. She had never returned so in that moment I felt a soul connection between our lived experience. In a sense I had taken her home.

As we age there is a sudden realization that life is precious. There becomes a need to share our stories and wisdom. The impetus may often be that we remember our parents and grandparents and wish that in some way they had recorded the meaningful parts of their lives. When available, these tangible insights give a window into another era and another viewpoint on living.

Old people were young people, before young people were people  

Tom Wyatt

The challenge now is to begin to share your accumulated memories and wisdom. Here are some starting points.

• Collect family photos and write short notes on the back to indicate when and where it was taken. Who is in the photo? What is their connection to the family?

• Recall random yet important emotional memories. They may be connected to life events for example births, weddings, family holidays. Write or speak the memories to invite your personal insight into these experiences. Keep these memories safely together with the photos.

• Write letters to family members. Each of my children has a letter of my recollections as I anticipated the day they were born. These become unique personal memories that remain beyond a lifetime.

• Engage with family conversation. Believe that the life experience you have is insightful to the issues younger generations are experiencing. Particularly when life is tough, they may draw on the consolation that you experienced something similar and survived beyond or maybe even thrived.

• Sit at the feet of your elders. The time is precious and the urgency to ask about their life recollections and experiences is a priority.

Life provides wonderful insights. Often this is from the people who we are most deeply connected with, our family. Take the time to be present with the older generation while you can. Their insight has been gathered over a lifetime. Also begin to record the memorable moments of your own life to share with future generations of your family.