December is a special time of year. It’s a time for reflection and also a time to plan for new beginnings. As I reflect on this year, several things come to mind. Some are from my own life experience and others from observing what is happening in the world. It has been a challenging year for most of us, yet we have made it to its end. In the process hopefully we have gained more understanding and inner resources to take us into 2022.
Here are my top five reflections of 2021.
1. Life is short and unpredictable.
The one thing we can be certain of is change. Not all of it is welcomed or expected. In our own family we have dealt with the death of loved ones and also serious, unexpected medical conditions. For me it has crystallised the importance of telling those around us we love them. To mend harsh words spoken and maintain contact, particularly when we can’t physically be together.
Live life fully and with gratitude. If this year has taught us anything it has been that we are surrounded by so much, yet are largely unaware of being thankful for all we have. Whether it’s the ready availability of what we physically need, living in comfortable environments or accessing enjoyable experiences. This year has also highlighted the disadvantage experienced by others. The vulnerabilities of losing a job, living on the breadline, uncertain housing and declining mental health. What we become aware of we can no longer ignore. It’s important to advocate for and support others.
2. Healing is our life work.
We are often unaware of the impact of our past. This is particularly in relationship to insecurities we have developed during childhood. Parenting is not an exact science, it involves fallible, human interaction. Our parents, trying to meet a variety of competing demands, inevitably fall short on delivering our basic needs for safety, satisfaction and connection. We are also born with a certain temperament that is continually moulded by our family of origin and our childhood experiences. Challenges that remain unresolved get carried into our adulthood.
Trauma, whether physical or emotional, can occur at any time in our lives. The process of healing requires us to be conscious, motivated and self-directed. It requires time and patience. What we don’t heal or repair, particularly emotionally, persists. It continues to colour our lives and our interactions with others.
The wonderful thing is healing is available to us. With mindful awareness we can change our internal nervous system responses and neuroplasticity allows us to rewire our brain connections. It becomes possible to view the past through a different, ‘supportive adult’ lens. Having compassion and a wider understanding of situations surrounding previous challenges in our lives. To know we are ‘all right, right now’, basically o.k. and have grown inner resources to support our well-being.
3. Be your best advocate. It’s too easy to blame others for our troubles. Too often we can remain quiet and ruminate about life not turning out how we had wished. It’s so important to keep a sense of healthy boundaries within our relationships. To voice our own needs and make decisions that resonate with who we are. Often underlying our silence is a long history of people pleasing and the need to be liked and accepted by others. It requires motivation and courage to change this habit. I’ve learnt the world doesn’t crumble when you speak up. If anything, it opens up respectful conversation with others.
4. Listen to the perspective of others. We need to listen to each other aware that there are many touchpoints of life experience that have brought us to each conversation. I have particularly gained awareness that our viewpoints are never black and white. They are nuanced with many shades of grey in between.
Some of my close friends have had different views on vaccination and our country’s pandemic response. Initially I distanced myself unsure of how to respond. Then I made a point of reaching out to them to engage in conversation. What I’ve found is deep, considered layers of perspective based on their life experience. I gained a fresh understanding of how they reached their opinions. I also sensed the difficulties they have faced this year living with alternate viewpoints to the mainstream messaging.
5. We have experienced a collective challenge. These past two years have been tough for us all. From the elderly who were most vulnerable to the virus to our youngest children who have experienced a watered down childhood with less ability to explore and connect with others. In between have been adolescents, young adults and parents who have been uniquely challenged by the ambiguities of home schooling, unsecure employment and housing, isolation and thwarted life plans.
We are not out of the woods yet with this pandemic and the path ahead is still uncertain. Yet it has been a time to slow down and reflect on our own priorities. A time to build inner strengths such as resourcefulness, compassion and resilience to meet the challenges we’ve faced. In a sense, we have all been in this together, being moulded and changed through our experience. Hopefully in 2022 we can be a kinder and more inclusive society.
As you reflect on the year, what are the things you have learnt? I look forward to your comments.
1. Breathe and relax. I can’t solve all but I can listen, feel, care.
2. There’s always tomorrow. It doesn’t have to be done now, sometimes the delaying achieves more.
3. Those who matter most are there no matter what.
4. I am valued, respected and trusted. And I earnt this!
5. Opinions differ, reasons differ, people matter.
A great list Ann. I particularly like the reminder about timing. ‘Sometimes the delaying achieves more’ is gold. Letting go of the timing of what happens in our lives frees us to be more present and less attached to outcomes.