The Season of midlife is many things…
Photo by Dmitriy Frantsev on Unsplash
Each of us have our own timeline and stories attached to this time of life. One where we find ourselves reflecting on everything that has happened to us so far and asking questions about our ‘what next’. In the first half of life we’ve been busy writing our stories. The second half gives us more time and opportunity to reflect on those stories and begin to finally unpack them.
Midlife tends to coincide with our children growing into young adults and our careers reaching their crescendo or beginning to taper off. It may also be a time of changing directions in our profession, our close relationships and where we live. By this stage of life we’ve been through multiple changes and identity shifts. Each one has given us life lessons and taught us strategies. Yet even if we are expecting those changes ahead they can be personally challenging.
‘The transition from the first half to the second half of life happens multiple times. More often than not, its many little moments of enlightenment, that occur normally between ages forty and fifty-five.’
Robert Rohr – ‘Falling Upward’
The busy ‘doing’ of the first half of life begins to make way for the ‘being’ of the second half. Sociologist and author, Brene Brown, refers to it as a time of unravelling our identity and desiring to be more authentic and vulnerable. It often includes asking ourselves – ‘Who am I now, without all the outer roles and responsibilities I’ve been carrying?’ Particularly for women, it can be about exploring their identity boundary, separate to all those they have nurtured. That identity may be something she only remembers from when she was an independent young adult.
As we transition into the second half of life, we are often confronted with our previous challenges, mistakes, losses and other forms of suffering. Each one has taken us out of our comfort zone and taught us valuable life lessons. They may have also left us with regrets about feeling ‘not good enough’ because we didn’t live up to our self-imposed desire for perfection. We may be disappointed with some of our previous choices and actions, things that we can no longer access and undo. In these situations, acceptance and giving ourselves forgiveness becomes so important.
Reflection can also involve looking at all the positive experiences we’ve had. We’ve built skills and identities around each of the roles we’ve taken on. We’ve loved and nurtured others. We’ve created memories that will hopefully live beyond us. There is gratitude in appreciating where life has been good to us. To honour our strengths and celebrate our achievements.
Spend some time thinking about where you are on this midlife journey. Can you pinpoint a particular time or event that instigated its beginning. Where are you along the journey now? What wisdom have you gained so far from your life story?