Marriages today are challenging. More long-term marriages are ending as either the man or woman walk away. The departure of the last child from the ‘family nest’ is a critical and sensitive time for marriage partners and their ability to stay fulfilled and happy together. Children may have been the glue over the years. The focus on providing for the family’s needs and a roof over their head is now less relevant. For both genders, lives and bodies are changing. Once families are reduced to the original couple, there is space to see each other anew. The dynamics of the partnership can consequently be challenged.
So many changes confront women as they enter their fifties. If they are mothers, they may be in the throes of empty nesting. As they move closer to sixty they may be contemplating reducing or retiring from the paid workplace. At the same time, women are going through the hormonal and physical changes of menopause. These events can sometimes prove unsettling and emotional. Women may feel they are on a roller coaster ride to losing their identity and life purpose.
While divorce rates are highest early in marriages, a second peak occurs in the late forties. https://aifs.gov.au/facts-and-figures/divorce-rates-australia. As women emerge from menopause, many reassess their current life. While they are less likely to instigate a divorce than their younger counterparts, they may not be satisfied with the current status quo within their relationships and life. So, what drives a woman to remain unhappily married rather than divorce?
Here are some possibilities: –
- A woman may stay because the core of her sense of worth and femininity has been challenged. As a young woman she felt physically admired and now as she ages she is less sure of herself as an attractive and capable woman – both to her partner and the outside world. She is no longer actively a mother and feels the loss of her primary feminine role.
- A woman may stay because she lacks the confidence to live independently. She has relied heavily on her partner for physical and financial support. She holds the belief that she cannot survive on her own and it frightens her.
- She is too invested in the marriage. Particularly if there are family homes and children, grandchildren, and friendship groups that rely on relating to them as a couple. The usual scenario of others feeling the need to side with one partner in divorce and exclude contact with the other is just too uncomfortable for her to contemplate.
- She finds it just too messy and emotionally impacting to loved ones to take this step. The repercussions for her are huge. She would rather stay in an unsatisfactory marriage than risk an emotional toll on others.
- She still holds loving feelings for her husband. They have created a life together but their paths run parallel and there is little that now connects them. The romantic spark has diminished.
Where is the resolution for the woman in this predicament?
She needs to step back into her own space for a time. To take the opportunity to rediscover her femininity and grace as an older woman. To build belief in her worth and ongoing purpose. She needs to build confidence and a level of personal independence. To discover her own identity – distinct from her roles as wife and mother. Finally, she needs to find joy and contentment in her life.
“May your heart heal. May the past no longer block your view of the present. May you breathe again, rest again, laugh again, live again. May it be so”.
Dr Thema
It is only in taking this journey of self-discovery that she can make an informed decision around her marriage.
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Find Beauty and Purpose in the Broken