Healing the Matriarch

Women journeying through life

  • Blog
  • Welcome
  • About
  • Resources
You are here: Home / Archives for mindfulness

Which one are you – speedboat, raft or sailboat?

September 18, 2020 by JanSmith

There are different ways we can move forward in life. If you are a speedboat it is at high speed and fueled with energy. Think of the motivated go-getter aimed at the direct path straight ahead. If you are a raft its floating along at the beck and call of the surrounding weather conditions. Aimless and perhaps lacking self-motivation and drive. Yet if you are a sailboat you have learnt strategies and a level of control when changes occur around you.

Photo by Karla Car on Unsplash

Throughout our lives we may recognise a variety of these approaches, or one tends to be our default mechanism when responding to life’s influences and challenges.

The speedboat is on a mission. It goes quickly and powerfully forward, always filled with ideas on how it will navigate life and remains constantly focused on a distant point. There is no stopping them once they have started, as they busy themselves and others with action. When a ‘speedboat’ births a project, relationship, or mission in life their ideas and enthusiasm are flowing thick and fast. They show leadership and direction for others and inspire the seeds of an idea. They are the ‘big’ thinkers and can easily change direction if needed.

As life progresses the speedboat may lose momentum. Its energy begins to deplete and others involved may also fall by the wayside with the burden of being constantly propelled forward. The speedboat is so focused on the future lens they may fail to see the problems that may arise around them. It is only when things start falling apart that they reach a point of recognition, overwhelm and perhaps despair. Even when things go well, there is little time for reflection and appreciation of the journey.

The raft on the other hand is propelled by factors outside itself. Without the energy of propulsion, it relies on the energy of the wind and water around it to gain momentum. Others are in control. There is no self-motivated action as the ‘raft’ waits for direction. When problems arise, they find it difficult to use their inner reserves of energy to problem solve and action a way forward. They may be stuck motionless, helpless and need rescuing.

When the going is easy, the raft has a delightful ride meandering along and enjoying the breeze, cool water, and the view. They have the opportunity to observe and embrace the experience in a carefree manner. Yet as difficulties arise, they have little in reserve to use.

Then there is the sailboat. With the use of tools such as its rudder, compass and sail, the sailboat can observe the changing patterns in the environment around it and adjust accordingly. The sailboat has knowledge of both currents and wind direction to inform its actions. When things are calm it can rest and enjoy the view, but when a storm comes the sailboat can call on its inner resources, strengths, and knowledge to navigate the way.

And when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails

Elizabeth Edwards

Each time the sailboat goes out on the water, it learns new skills to draw on. When it sails among others, as in a regatta, there is an energy and synchronicity as each boat weaves deftly around the other and the flotilla moves as a unit toward the distant goal. There is both energy and awareness of others, which is key to collective success.

If the sailboat is caught in a storm larger than expected, it has the resources to navigate toward a safe haven and rest until the storm passes. Alternatively, it sees the importance of calling in the coast guard for assistance, if required, to reach the shore so it can sail again another day.

In life, we can choose to respond as a speedboat, raft, or sailboat. Perhaps you can identify challenging times in your life when you behaved more like one than the others. As you journey through life and come across a difficult time, look at the perspective you are using. Ask yourself whether your strategy is serving you and if not, is there an alternate one.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook

Covid Calories

September 5, 2020 by JanSmith

The words ‘Covid Calories’ are being voiced by groups of women I connect with. We realize the calories we have consumed during lock down have somehow translated into Covid Kilos (or pounds in imperial measures). As we go to our wardrobes, to our dismay our clothes no longer fit. They have become snug or even tight; zips don’t go up and extra padding on our bodies is evident. With the warmer weather approaching we are thinking of summer clothes, lighter fabrics and even the possibility of swimwear. Our summers in Australia can be hot.

Photo by i yunmai on Unsplash

In early lockdown, around March to May, we were practicing physical distancing and only going out from our homes for essentials – doctor’s appointments, supermarket visits and brief bursts of exercise. Our pantries and fridges became very convenient and in the void we found our old recipe books and began to cook our favourites. Devoid of our usual busy activities we resorted to living our lives around mealtimes.

We watched the news bulletins. The only thing that seemed newsworthy was the virus. Each day became like Groundhog Day. Waking from our slumber we wondered if it was all just a bad dream. It was only when we switched on the television that we realised life had not changed. Each day the same news, the same concerns, and building anxiety. We began to get used to the additional hygiene measures we needed to take against this invisible enemy. We no longer hugged our love ones or greeted with a handshake. We sanitised our lives and those of our children. As borders were closed and hotspots identified, rules began to constantly change and we grew more concerned about possible spread. The level of uncertainty was palatable. Emotional eating and lack of energy from constant worry became a pattern.

As winter approached the weather cooled and our activity reduced. Many of our usual sources of exercise were unable to happen or had gone online. The loungeroom couch looked enticing with all its pillows and throws. Our heater or open fire was cosy. We reached for our televisions and technology for company and that kitchen pantry kept beckoning with its proximity.

How can we begin to emerge from the exercise and eating habits of Covid? To rise from the cooler months and find new motivation for our health and well being.

Begin each day – spend time in your own world before entering the wider world we inhabit. Even before you open your eyes stretch out in bed and take some calming full breaths. Only then open your eyes and allow your senses to enter the new day. Slowly and quietly emerge. Have breakfast in a calm way preferably with solitude. Listen to nature outside. Sit in the sunshine. Leave technology and television until later. If you have others in the house be mindful of easing into the day. For families this can be soothing as a daily pattern. Appreciate with gratitude the new day.

Do one thing at a time – Eating while watching the breakfast news or scrolling social media feeds can make us unaware of what we are consuming. We fail to notice how the food looks and smells or take our time to savour each bite. Meals are a time to focus on nourishing our bodies. If we are more conscious we can register when our stomachs have filled and stop reaching for more food.

Avoid emotional eating – a pattern of worry and uncertainty may have led to emotional eating over these months. To circumvent this, one of the best exercises is to take yourself for a walk. This provides both distraction and fresh air.

“Walk yourself out of your bad mood (inertia, anxiety). Studies show that even a 10-minute walk immediately boosts brain chemistry to increase happiness”

Unknown

Use connection to exercise together – Reconnect as you are allowed. Even if for now it is only among your neighbourhood and local community. Meet up again with people face to face rather than online or via technology.

Take the opportunity to choose activities that bring your heart rate up. My favourite at the moment is Zumba, a dance class where not only do we connect and have fun moving in a socially distanced way, we burn calories without really noticing. Also incorporate exercise that calms the mind for example Yoga, Tai Chi or Pilates.  In that way you are nurturing your mind, body, and soul.

Be Mindful at the Supermarket – We have learnt to be more conscious in our shopping habits so now is also a time to make these trips effective. Look for lighter recipes and meals to make, take your shopping list and source fresh, healthy options. Although more calorie laden options are readily available – if they don’t make it into the shopping trolley and to our home, we can’t be enticed to eat them.

Our lives and conversations have been heavily weighted to Covid of late. Not only has it concerned us, but it has also caused us to put on weight. With a more mindful approach we can restore our balance and wellbeing. Our bodies will thank us for this healthier approach.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook

Courageously Seeking Life

August 9, 2020 by JanSmith

Photo by Heidi Fin on Unsplash

I see women traversing life with courage every day.

Honouring their particular journey and having the bravery and momentum to continue in the direction that feels most authentic for themselves. They have dreams and plans. They aspire to future possibilities, keenly aware that the future is uncertain and the only time we truly have is lived in the present moment.

I see their ability to action, even if it begins with micro steps of bravery. The alternative is procrastination, the self-imposed stance of inaction. Being enveloped by the fear of failure or a fear of the unknown. Entertaining concern about how they will be perceived by others. Continually in the dance with wanting the perfect conditions before actioning and the belief they are ‘not good enough’ to deserve the dreams their heart desires.

Which woman are you? Hopefully, you are the one fully participating in life right now. It may not be an outward state of courageousness, busy ticking off an action plan. Instead it may be a more inward version. For example, being invested in all your relationships – continuing to know yourself and others in a deeper way.  Immersing yourself consciously in pastimes and interests you already feel deeply about. Consistently choosing to love rather than fear in reaction to life.

“Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work, a future.”

David Whyte

Each of us are moving through the unknown accepting that life will continue to have twists and turns. Throughout history humanity has gone through adversity. There are numerous examples of flourishing after difficult times. Our lives going forward should be no different. Each life stage we become a different version of ourselves. Each chapter of our lives also brings new life experiences and life lessons to learn. Embrace and be inquisitive of this new ‘stranger’, your future self, and the life she will lead.

By taking the initial steps of bravery we allow ourselves to let go of the outcome. To trust the Universe has our back. We take with us a heart of boldness and courage, but also a heart of humility and kindness. Our journey becomes a dance of being motivated by the big picture of our dreams and still enjoying each step that we take along the way.

The people in our lives like to place us in ‘boxes’ of the familiar.  We are seen in a particular way to them. They may react if we behave differently to what they expect of us. There may be questioning of our motives and fear for the consequences of our actions. It is common for others to overlay their life stories with ours, looking for the familiar threads of experience. Our actions may also trigger their unresolved personal memories and guilt for their own actions or inaction.

“Life is so much simpler when you stop explaining yourself to people and just do what works for you”

Unknown.

Our challenge is to overcome the critical gaze of others and remain true to our own life decisions. To share our dreams and inspire others to join us or create dreams of their own. Life will always be complicated and messy, filled with uncertainty and challenges. With courage we can embrace what comes our way and build a boldness for change.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook

Having Difficult Life Conversations

July 30, 2020 by JanSmith

Throughout life we are involved in conversation with others. The gravity of our conversations depends on who we are speaking to and the subject matter discussed. We use conversation to inform our ideas, opinions, and understanding of the world. It also allows us to share our perspective of the world with others and hear an alternate view in response.

For those we are closest to, the conversations we have hold greater importance. There are times in our life when ‘future’ conversations arise – deciding where we might live as we age, how we can continue to care for each other and what remaining life wishes and desires we have.

How do we prepare for these more difficult conversations?

Photo by Jeroen den Otter on Unsplash

Initially we need to solidify our own current viewpoint. This is our personal work. To clarify our own thoughts, emotions, and attitudes to a possible future scenario. It might require gathering information that is relevant and important in our own circumstances. It may also require speaking to professionals in the area of specific decision making – estate planners, financial advisors, life style villages etc. Look at a variety of options – see what they are.

Once you have some clarity it becomes time to broach the subject with those directly involved. This can feel like a nerve wrecking experience as often there is concern about how the information will be received. Know that clarifying your own thoughts has let you prepare.

Use tiny steps in the initial conversation. You could start with ‘I’ve been thinking about … lately. Do you mind if we set aside a time to chat about it?’ This allows for a gentle lean into an important conversation and also gives the other person time to process their own thoughts about what you have raised. When it is time to chat, allow for the time and space for discussion. Difficult conversations should not be rushed as they have the potential to be emotive. Try to limit distractions such as phones and other people overhearing the conversation.

As the conversation evolves, see it as a potential gift of sharing you give each other. Allow for plenty of space, in the form of silence, between what is said. This gives the opportunity for each person to process their thoughts and gather their responses. It is important to encourage time to be the one who is speaking, with time to be the listener. As tempting as it is to interrupt and share our view, it is important to allow each person to respond as fully possible.

Be open to flexibility.  A conversation may bring up strong emotions. Allow the person experiencing them the opportunity to express these, particularly if it is sadness or grief. Coming to their aid, to avoid our own discomfort, may stifle full expression and emotional release. Just be there and allow space for the emotion to flow. This is an important cathartic step in progressing with both the conversation and any subsequent decision making.

If decisions are made in the course of the conversation, see them as a guideline rather than a directive. Allow for changes of ideas to occur as the conversation continues to be processed. It is quite likely that follow up conversations will be necessary. The groundwork is done. Future conversations can build on what is established.

Having the difficult conversations with those we are close to is important. The alternative, which may be familiar, is leaving things unsaid. In instigating a conversation, particularly as we age, we give the opportunity for honest discussion about what matters. We can share memories, verbalize our love and concern for each other, and consciously work out ways to advocate each others’ wishes and desires in life. Keep open to the need for difficult conversations. The rewards can override the angst of speaking the first word.

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
« Previous Page
Next Page »

Sign up to our newsletter

* indicates required

Healing the Matriarch

Healing the Matriarch

Recent Posts

  • Disconnect to Reconnect Island Style
  • Letting In Positive Experiences
  • Making Decisions from the Heart
  • Finding beauty and purpose in the broken
  • Living with Uncertainty.
May 2026
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Mar    

Archives

Blog Categories

Copyright © 2026 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in