Its okay to throw a ‘Pity Party’ – an instance of feeling self-indulgently sorry for yourself. Particularly when life is challenging. The healing process begins when you identify that it’s happening and move beyond rather than stay in the pain and sadness.

It’s cousin, the ‘Dummy Spit’ is likened to a young child’s tantrum. When a child throws a tantrum they are overwhelmed by their emotions and find it difficult to communicate how they feel. They become frustrated, angry and defiant. We tend to soothe and help toddlers manage their distress. Thankfully as an adult we are often able to recognize what is happening and have previously used techniques to self- soothe our overwhelm.

Here are five strategies that can help shift self-pity.

Self-Compassion –

This is a self-attitude that involves treating yourself with warmth and understanding particularly in difficult times (Kristen Neff). Taking time to be as tender with yourself as you would if you were comforting someone else going through a similar situation. Normalizing your reaction by identifying that it is something that many others experience and can relate to. Observing rather than over identifying yourself with your pity. Use mindfulness techniques such as conscious breathing and relaxation. Gently stretch the limbs of your body to release tension. Find ways to soothe and care for yourself.

Acceptance –

Allow the current circumstances to flow like a river within your body instead of creating a figurative mound of sticks and twigs as obstacles. Having less resistance to what is happening in life can help reduce your stress levels. Perhaps the current times are asking you to slow down and simplify your daily routine. Then you will be more consciously aware when circumstances inevitably change.

‘Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living’.

Rachel Marie Martin.

Shift and release pent up emotion from the past –

Express your ruminating thoughts and emotions of sadness, fear and grief. If you can identify that they no longer serve you it is a good time to unburden them so you can move forward.

The shift and release process may be in the form of journaling freely until all your thoughts around a situation are down on paper and have run out of energy. If the pent up emotions involve another person a good strategy is to write down your thoughts in the form of an unsent letter. Describe how the situation has impacted you. Is there things you regret saying or doing? Do you need to seek or give forgiveness in the process. Remember the letter is to remain UNSENT. Often the kindest ritualized closure around the burden is to ceremonially burn the letter.

Bring more joy into your daily life –

Move with joy. Play, rest, work and adapt to the flow of any given day with a sense of joy. Rather than yearn for adventures in far off places see the beauty in your own garden and backyard. Add beauty to your home. Beautiful things to look at, smells that comfort or energize, tastes of home cooking, listening to music that soothes the soul. Every moment, even the routine ones, has potential to be joyful.

Gratitude –

Create a regular practice of appreciation and gratitude. Identifying and writing down a small list of those things you are grateful for can be a soothing balm to any feelings of self-pity. Focus on the less tangible things such as the beauty that surrounds you and the people who you care about. Possessions come and go rarely providing lasting happiness. As you wake each day realize how blessed you are to be alive and have the potential of the following twenty four hours.

Feeling self-pity is a normal, healthy response to challenging times in life. It becomes unhealthy if you continue to stay in the pain and sadness. By observing your current thoughts and emotions in a loving way it is possible to act, shift your focus and move forward.