Giving an opinion or voicing concern can feel scary. Many of us shy away from legitimately saying what we feel, desire, or believe about a particular situation. It is only when the opportunity has passed that we look back and wished we had spoken our truth or added our perspective to a particular conversation.
Older women may have been raised to remain quiet and in the background. Voicing our views seen as dominance, loudness, behaving out of character or ‘unladylike’. From our childhood, we may have felt an unsaid expectation that our views held less weight than those of our fathers, brothers, and male friends. We impress with our demureness, gentleness, and femininity rather than with our boisterous behaviour. We sense the approval of others through acting appropriately and sensibly. Helping others feel at ease rather than allowing them to sit in discomfort.
Yet have these beliefs served us? Looking back on my own life I can see times when I kept the peace rather than voice something that was important to me. The consequences have allowed situations to remain toxic and unresolved over time. I stayed in friendships and relationships too long, disappointed that I did not speak up to change the dynamic or simply speak my truth and walk away. I held onto ideas that I could have shared in my workplace fearing they would be rejected or ridiculed. At times I stayed silent against injustices I could have advocated for. It is sad to think I could have made a difference in someone else’s life. If only I had found my voice.
Speaking up requires a degree of courage. An ability to respond with love rather than fear. When we speak up, we can show love for another or voice our own needs in a way that highlights the love and respect we have for ourselves. When we remain silent, it leaves the platform open for others to cross behavioural boundaries, dominate our decision making and leave us powerless. If we sit in unwilling fear, it is at the detriment of our own sense of self and worth.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”.
Neale Donald Walsch
The dynamic of a relationship may require us to find distance for ourselves for a while. To take the opportunity to work on our confidence and self-respect. To see our worthiness and ability to take up space physically and vocally in this world. To examine our need to ‘people please’- considering the needs/choices of others over our own, in order to be accepted. We may also need to develop the strength to accept that other’s may not like our opinion, particularly when they are not used to hearing it. Speaking confidently and respectfully is a skill of communicating with emotional intelligence.
Start with small ways to speak up. Courteously expressing an alternate opinion in conversation with others. Confidently voicing choices that resonate with your own desires or needs. As you practice, reflect on how you are increasingly speaking your truth. You may be surprised that others value your opinion rather than reject it. That they consider or ask for your unique ‘take on the world’.
We can go through life sitting on the sidelines. Feeling our opinions are not valuable or appreciated by others. It takes confidence and courage to find our voice, particularly if we put the reactions of others before our own expression. Imagine the possibilities of being vulnerable enough to share your opinions more openly. The reward is in finding your deeper, more authentic, and less censored sense of self.