Relationship therapist, Esther Perel, describes our current state of isolation as a moment in time when we are ‘collectively at home’. We may be home alone or with our partner. We may be home in our nuclear family group. Whichever way we are configured, we are distant from the physical love, support and connection from our friends and extended families. We are adapting with online contact. Dotting our routine with virtual catch ups to see and hear each other at a distance. Yet there is a slight empty awareness that this is ‘second best’ to what we know as our lived experience.
This distance we are asked to enforce is to protect ourselves and our loved ones. Yet in doing so, we lose physical touch with these very people during this pandemic. We miss the hugs. We miss the playful moments wrapped in energy and contact. We miss the memories and moments we store for each other from the sensory experience of physically being together. Yes, we remain away for good reason. There is this awful fear that we could infect the ones we deeply love. The world does not feel a safe place to be right now.
We have a purpose in our endurance of the current situation. We trust that there will come a time when Coronavirus ends its rage on the world. As the distancing and isolation prolongs, we wonder what life will be like on the other side of this shared world experience. What things can we pick up from where we left off. In what ways will we have changed.
There will be collective regret for the time lost to our lives with our loved ones: grandparents with grandchildren, teachers with their students, workers with their workplaces and colleagues, friends with their social networks, the finite time with our elderly.
When this is over, I predict a flood of human emotions. Right now, we are trying to be courageous, to be busy, to maintain an air of coping as we hear of the spread and rising numbers of people contracting and succumbing to the virus. We have been asked to cope with rapid change to life as we know it.
When the announcement comes that we can once again open our doors to the world we may feel a sense of emotionally falling apart.
What are some strategies to utilize now to soften the responses ahead?
- Establish a sense of normality in the day. On waking imagine how the day will flow? See yourself enjoying breakfast then moving on to the daily tasks you have planned. In the evening, reflect and give thanks for what has unfolded during the day.
- Make time for your physical well being with exercise. Move your body in ways you enjoy.
- Process your emotions when they arise. Allow yourself to express them. Give yourself permission to cry when you feel overwhelmed and sad.
- Incorporate time for learning by reading books and listening to podcasts that uplift, soothe and educate the mind. Limit the time you expose yourself to the media updates. Look for credible sources of information.
- Be creative in ways that you most enjoy – painting, cooking, writing, sewing, gardening etc.
- Listen and move to music you love.
- Spend time in meditation or prayer. This is a wonderful opportunity to establish a regular practice. The physical and mental benefits are scientifically proven. If you are unsure where to start search the words ‘mindfulness meditation’, ‘self-compassion’. In prayer, tap into a faith or traditional practice that has meaning for you. Physical gatherings of faith may have ceased but some have moved online.
- Create a calm, ‘cocoon’ space in your home to retreat to. Even though our bodies may be less active, our energy levels can fluctuate with the concerns and realities we are currently facing. Honour your energy level. Rest when you need to. Create boundaries and ‘code words’ with those currently sharing your home to signal your need to retreat. Remember to return to them with loving support when you have recharged.
- Stay virtually connected with your loved ones. This is particularly important for those living alone. I challenge you to go beyond the superficial chats about the weather or sharing your list of activities. Take the opportunity for deeper conversations around how we are each impacted and what we are learning about life and ourselves at this time.
Use now, while you are in imposed isolation, to visualize the time when we will open our doors again to the world. Plan a street party or extended family gathering. A delicious time to physically exist in the world within the measured space of distancing. We will feel a sense of gratitude that together, while being apart, we have come through this life experience.
Dream about the experiences you want to have whether they are a meal at your favourite restaurant, a place you have always wanted to visit or a regular routine that you want to maintain. We will appreciate them so much more.
Work out ways you want to continue to grow as a person. Do you want to learn a new skill, area of expertise or take a new direction? And finally, what ways do you want to show up differently and contribute more fully in your physical world?
Physical distancing may be difficult right now. View it for the lessons and opportunities it is providing. Once the crisis is over, look forward to a changed world.