A group of women gravitated to the painting. Mesmerized by the facial expression of the woman in the kitchen. Perhaps we have been this woman. Caught on a roller coaster of busyness. With a long list of things to do. Unable to sit and just be by ourselves for any length of time.
We all smile at each other with knowing looks and one woman responds with ‘Too much work and not enough pay’. We all giggle in recognition. Perhaps it is not monetary gain we seek from our doing. Just a word of appreciation or recognition for our efforts or an offer of a helping hand is all we need. Just once, we would like to share the load or to take a rest from our endless activity.
Diego Velazquez.
When we overdo the busyness of life, trying to be everything to everybody, it is easy to feel resentful and overwhelmed. We often don’t realize we are in a vicious cycle until we see the signs of physical and emotional burnout from our efforts to constantly give. Somehow we feel a moral obligation to be fulfill this feminine cultural norm. As women we have learnt to stay pretty, happy, quiet, calm, and generous with our time. As a result, we are more likely to suffer from what has been coined Human Giver Syndrome – the desire to constantly tend to the needs of others to the detriment of meeting our own. We feel inadequate or punish ourselves with the ‘I’m not good enough’ label if we take a moment to rest.
As a result we may feel a slight annoyance at our inability to advocate for our own needs. With the continual demands on our time and additional external stressors that crop up in life our emotions can strengthen to feelings of frustration, anger, or rage (attack responses) or worry, anxiety and fear (avoidance responses). Alternatively we can just come to an emotional grinding holt (the freeze response).
Identifying Burnout
Emily and Amelia Nagoski in their book Burnout, The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle have identified three components of burnout.
1. Emotional exhaustion: – Our bodies are constantly processing our emotions. When we are often in stress mode it seems easier to push these feelings down into the inner reaches of our bodies – our blood vessels, digestive, and endocrine systems. Left unprocessed, these emotional responses can lead to physical symptoms such as higher blood pressure from adrenaline pumping for longer than required and gut symptoms from unresolved issues. Our bodies are left lacking energy and feeling dull.
2. A decreased sense of accomplishment: – Although we may have been in a constant state of action we can get the sense that ‘I can’t make a difference’. Particularly when the outside world is full of stressors that seem outside our control e.g. natural disasters, the Covid 19 pandemic.
3. Depersonalization: – We can feel a real sense of brain fog detached from our bodily responses. Our ability to show empathy and compassion becomes depleted. This can lead to us experiencing compassion fatigue.
Ways to process your emotions effectively and avoid burnout
- Doing physical activity that you love. Walking, going for a run, dancing in the living room, even a few minutes stretching your limbs than flopping to relax calms the nervous system.
- Remembering to breathe. Deep, slow breathes both in and out right down to the abdomen. Focusing on the breath rather than the thoughts running around in our brain.
- Lovely, positive interactions with others.
- A good, natural bout of laughter. Unforced, real and belly giggling.
- A long hug in a safe context. Hold your own centre of gravity with another and stay in the hug until you both feel yourselves relax.
- A good, old fashion cry. Contrary to our beliefs, once we start we usually can stop after a few minutes. Crying is a physical expression of our stress and its release. Focus on the physical sensations rather than the mental reason for the tears.
- Get creative. Take the inner emotions outside the body to paint, write, dance, or use your imagination.
‘Take your broken heart and make it into art’
Carrie Fisher
It is important, particularly for women, to be able to voice our own needs, ask for help or advocate for much-needed time out. In doing so, we honour ourselves. Creating the opportunity to process our emotions allows for the possibility for us to recharge and energize. Focusing on our own wellness, both physical and emotional, helps us create a balanced life view – good for us and good for those we care for.