Vulnerability allows us to be ‘open’ and fully ourselves yet we need to approach it with caution. If we allow our vulnerability to remain unchecked, we also open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt, used or abused by others in our relationships. The Oxford Dictionary definition for vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Our tendency to want to please others and remain co- dependent on their whims leaves us devoid of boundaries. Healthy boundary setting, that places ourselves squarely at the centre, allows us to make healthy choices and be more authentic. When we do this, those who appreciate us for who we are, will also be those who gravitate to us. We may lose some relationships or friendships but those may have been with people who are not necessarily good for us.
Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love, belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable
Dr Brene Brown.
Make a pact with yourself. If I choose vulnerability, I also choose these personal attributes:
Common Sense – One thing about getting older is the fact that you can look back at your own life and see situations where you made bad decisions. You may have been inexperienced, gullible or influenced by someone who put their own needs or agenda before your own. As a result your life has taken a different direction which in hindsight you personally would not have chosen.
The thing in life is we can only live in the present moment. The only decisions we can influence are our future ones. In that sense we can create or manifest changes in our lives. The past serves as our life lessons. We learn to accept the good and bad decisions we have made. Both have given us food for thought.
Gut Intuition – Is it a good idea? How does this change or expectation serve me? Our vagus nerve connects our two brains. The one in our head and the one in our gut. Often we allow our head to override what our gut is truly telling us. The need to test our assumptions and what is happening around us. Believe that you know what is best for yourself and follow your own gut advice. Ask is this person or situation good for me? If not, what steps can I take to remove and preserve myself?
Truth testing – Each of us live in our own inner worlds. We have unique experience of what is true for us and our perceptions of the world. Have the courage to delve deeper. To ask the difficult questions and clarify what others see as reality.
Observation – The void between what you are told and what you observe. Do they match? Do you have a sense that this other person can be trusted? Our time, opinions and priorities are our own and need to be personally guarded.
Time – Be cautious but not hasty. Often over time more is revealed. Make conscious choices that serve you – each moment and day of your life.
Vulnerability can be a strength of character. If we purposely and consciously test our vulnerability with the add on list above we can make more sound judgments while remaining authentically ourselves. Life will always be complex to navigate so let vulnerability serve you well.