The Japanese art of Kintsugi (golden joinery) is a beautiful reminder of life’s journey. When a treasured piece is broken it is lovingly pieced back together using lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold. The purpose is to honour rather than disguise the history of the object. The finished work is often more striking and valuable than the original.
Our lives are imperfect. There are often deep challenges that force us to feel a sense of brokenness and despair. The longer we live, the more likely we are to face life events that make us feel an affinity to these broken pieces of pottery. We may have faced the death of a spouse or loved one, the ending of a long-term relationship, a physical illness, or a deep sense of disconnection with the world.
Living life this way feels inwardly painful and makes us question our sense of belonging and purpose. The life we have known is either shockingly taken from us or slowly disintegrates into something we no longer recognize as healthy for ourselves. In this moment there is the possibility of re-crafting and reconstruction.
“Awareness is the first step in healing.”
Dean Ornish
Each piece of our life that is ‘broken’ tells a story of the past. Some pieces hold sadness and regret for mistakes and decisions made. Others are a source of joy and inspiration. Like a mosaic lying before us, it appears broken beyond repair. Emotionally this often feels like a sense of emptiness, frustration, and anxiety. While the pieces are broken our sense of wholeness and security crumbles and life feels challenging on a daily basis. The outside worlds seem oblivious to our pain.
The beauty of the broken pieces is in the possibilities ahead. We need to take on the purpose of the Kintsugi craftsman to lovingly take the first steps to restoration. Healing the broken parts and piecing together a renewed structure. We can long for the past or regret how we hoped life may have turned out for us. Yet taking this stance leaves us in the predicament of remaining in broken pieces.
Author and psychologist, Martin Seligman, describes the term post-traumatic growth in his book Flourish. The term post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has been widely acknowledged as a diagnosis following traumatic life experiences. What Seligman and his colleagues also found was that these experiences can be an opportunity for growth. Particularly in the areas of building mental toughness, character, and strong relationships with others through adversity. In this sense, what does not leave us broken can make us stronger individuals.
I know in my recent journey of healing, starting with physical wellbeing and security was paramount. The small incremental steps to build my sense of self mattered. Part of that journey was in taking time for solitude and reflection. To spend time nurturing myself through walks in nature, exercising, journaling, and self-care. I looked for positive affirmations, courses, podcasts, and writings that rebuilt my sense of being.
The journey was also one of relationships. I was able to establish and re-establish beautiful connections with others who held me lovingly along the way. As I learnt to express myself more authentically, I found my kindred spirits on this journey. These people have become my guides and sources of inspiration.
I have learnt some valuable lessons: –
- The first is that we need to individually choose what is best for ourselves. What has worked for others may not be right in our situation.
- We hold the impetus for our healing. It will have its own timeline and unique course. It will often feel like two steps forward, one step back and what emerges may be what we least expected.
- The pathway to wholeness is better made in connection with others. People who can support and nurture us as we heal. So, find your ‘gold artisans’ who can help guide your journey.
As the resulting product, we can become stronger and more assured. Able to make informed decisions and move in life with more purpose and contentment. We may not quite resemble the person before our brokenness, yet what we recreate can be a wiser and more beautiful version of ourselves.