There are probably many ways we can face and overcome difficulties in our lives. What approach is useful to mindfully navigate life’s upsets and move forward? One approach I am exploring at the moment is the Garden of the Mind analogy of positive psychologist, Dr Rick Hanson. He refers to the mind as a garden to both be admired and tended to.
When we first view the beauty in a garden it is with admiration for the sights, sounds and smells that inhabit there. If it’s our own garden we are also obliged to tend to the garden – to pull up the weeds and plant new blooms. These parts of the analogy are respectively labelled ‘letting go’ and ‘letting in’. Our mind, just like a garden, is a dynamic organism. Ever changing and evolving.
The primary stance we need to take with our mind is to ‘let it be’. To be comfortable and capable with what we find there. This is no easy task. Often if we are not okay with how life is in the present moment we are less likely to accept our reality. To resist it, to place our own interpretations and stories as layers over reality in order to alleviate the pain we feel inside. Some of that pain is associated with our regrets. For example, regretting missed opportunities in our past to create stability in our present life, hurtful past words or actions, not keeping in touch with others and failing to be bold enough to follow our dreams. Consequently, the life we see in front of us doesn’t live up to our expectations.
Yet I’ve found with acceptance of all that life currently is, relishing the positive and acknowledging the ‘good, bad and the ugly’ of it all, something wonderful happens. A state of calm and sense of release becomes possible. There is an ability to see our life for what it is and accept it fully.
Strategies towards acceptance – observing our lives.
Imagine you are in a movie theatre watching the story of your life. If you are sitting close to the screen it feels emotionally charged and in your face. What if you figuratively relocate within the ‘movie theatre’ to sit more comfortably twenty rows back. Now you have a more removed, wider perspective of the action. It becomes possible to observe what’s happening in your life without feeling constantly hijacked by the action and enmeshed in the dialogue.
Once you are more removed and observant it’s possible to examine your life as it is. I personally resonate with The Work by Byron Katie. She uses a series of questions to examine the truths we believe about our lives. As we verbalize what we believe is happening in a situation it is possible to pause and ask the question… Is it actually true? That’s an insightful mindful pause in our mental dialogue. Then the thought is then turned around to include ourselves. Often what we believe and say about other people is really our own internal struggle and personal work.
The things that others say about us may also not really be about us at all. Often it is a reflection of their own inner dialogue. If in the heat of conflict we can pause and distance ourselves emotionally, it’s possible to view what might be happening behind the conversation. In doing so, it is easier not to take things personally and opens the door to our compassion, love, empathy and understanding for the other person.
The strategies above can go a long way to allowing us to let go of negative mind matter – the weeds in the garden. To loosen the hidden anger, anxiety, worry and ruminating over situations. To slowly bring us out of unhelpful story lines our mind has created about our lives, ourselves and others.
Letting in the Good
Thankfully now we have created room to bring in a more positive mindset. The weeds in the garden of the mind have been pulled out. Some of them were tough and determined to stay. Once we have space for new blooms it’s important to cultivate and nurture positive experiences. These are often more fleeting and need us to pay more conscious attention to them.
So when we find ourselves in an enjoyable experience or enriching interaction with someone it’s important to notice and savour it fully. Stay with it as long as possible. Use your senses to intensify the sensations so it pervades your mind. Look for what is fresh, new and novel and ensure it is personally relevant. Each of these factors will help you absorb the experience more fully and integrate it into your mind and body.
Life will continue to give us challenges. Using tools of mindfulness can allow us to improve our capacity to respond in ways that serve our well-being. In mindfulness we find strategies that allow us to pause within our everyday lives. To observe and appreciate our life as it is, to work on letting go of what doesn’t serve us and to bring in more of the good into the ‘Garden of our Mind’.