There is so much happening in our world today. Making our individual and collective experience feel less predictable and certain. In reality, we have little control over what happens in our lives.
I’m fascinated by change yet I’m not an expert on change management. I like to observe it in nature with the evolving seasons and in people as they transition through life stages. It’s present in organizations, world events and world history. To me, the only real constant in life seems to be change. Whether we resist, adapt or embrace it.
What might be some of the factors beneath our resistance to change?
We hold onto our memories tightly –
Often reminiscing about ‘the good old days’ and making comparisons with our current life experience.
An example might be our fondness to recall earlier stages in our children’s lives. To want them to stay small and dependent on us. It gives us an important sense of identity and purpose as parents.
Despite that our children grow up before our very eyes. Asserting their own opinions and preferences. As we notice these subtle changes in them it becomes important to allow our parent: child relationship to evolve. To look at the bigger picture that our role is to slowly let go and increase their independence and self-reliance.
It’s important to view our memories for what they are. Platforms to our imagination and to invite in the new. Our memories can be incorporated into our current priorities and frame future plans.
We live within our comfort zone –
We are creatures of habit adverse to change and conflict with others. Having certainty around our routines is comforting, yet we also carry an awareness that the next moment could completely upend our lives. Change forces us to reassess our behaviours and interactions with others.
Our personality and experience influence our comfort level with change. The openness to change versus resistance to it varies between people. The pace we are comfortable with also differs.
Expressing a need for change is difficult when we feel unsupported. We are social animals where the need for belonging in group dynamics is strong. We value our relationships and fear rejection and potential loneliness.
Change challenges the status quo-
Sudden change flips us into the reactive ‘red’ zone where our mind and emotions race and we can become upset, sad, angry, frustrated or defensive. It’s messy and unsettling as we try and navigate our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. We make decisions about how to express the desire for change with others and whether we have the courage to proceed. Part of this mental gymnastics means entertaining the possibility of being disliked in the process.
Moving forward is often fraught with alternate possibilities. It can overload us with contradictory information and we fight to seek clarity about how to respond. It often appears easier to stay comfortable and avoid ‘rocking the boat’. Yet opportunities are lost to promote positive change in the form of equity and being a voice for ourselves and others. Persistence is also required to continue to move forward.
‘Changing the game, to me, means following your path, staying true to yourself, and never giving up’.
Susie Wolff. (Promoting opportunities for women in Motorsport).
Change shifts our identity-
Grief is a prime example of this struggle. When loss occurs we are left to work out who we are and how we should meaningfully navigate forward. There is a yearning for the life prior to the loss and learning how to live a meaningful existence going forward. We feel ‘lost’ after a loss. Dealing with the strength and unexpectedness of our emotions and the upheaval of even our small expectations of daily life.
The loss may be the death of a person or pet. The loss of a relationship or a physical loss such as possessions we value. We can also grieve losses within ourselves: – health, mobility and youth. Regardless of how the loss occurs it is often unexpected or difficult to accept. It plays with our sense of secure attachment and certainty. What was there is now gone. What we are left with is our ongoing emotional quest to establish a new identity beyond our sense of loss.
It takes courage to re-enter the world. We need social support, helpful strategies and persistence to slowly venture out and be a new version of ourselves. To move through the discomfort rather than avoid the process of adapting to change.
‘Bringing in a fulfilling life alongside the painfulness of that experience of grief’
Forrest Hanson
What is your relationship to change? Is it something that challenges you and you resist? Are you someone who adapts relatively easily to changes that are brought about by situations outside your control? Alternatively you may be a person who embraces change, happy to stay in the moment and not hold tight to how things should be. Invested in living life with acceptance rather than yearning. Perhaps you are a combination of all three depending on the scenario. Regardless, change is a part of life and how we navigate it teaches us so much about ourselves and the world around us.
