Just by being human we are exposed to unpleasant situations. Our overriding automatic default is to react with fear, disgust, anger and avoidance. It’s often referred to as the ‘fight or flight’ response. Yet there is another part of our body’s nervous system that is gentler. It’s a more ancient system that produces balanced responses within us rather than reactivity. It’s known as the parasympathetic nervous system. Its job is to soothe and calm. Supporting us to be relaxed and attentive.
The world can feel like a scary place. From childhood we receive messages about dangers lurking around us. To keep our distance from things such as live electricity, busy roads, fire, dangerous animals and strangers. Our learnt vigilance produces an underlying hum of anxiety within us. We tend to look at the world through ‘fear coloured glasses’. Always protecting our safety.
I remember as a child climbing a willow tree beside the dam on our cousin’s farm. We’d been told not to go into the water as it was ‘inhabited by a crocodile’. Not actually true, but words to create enough concern in four young girls to stay safe and avoid entering the water. It didn’t stop our curiosity. We continued to look for signs of that crocodile’s existence from a distance.
Fast forward to this year and our trip to Northern Queensland, Australia, meant we were confronted with a multitude of signs warning of the presence of crocodiles. Real ones, who could take you in an instant. It felt slightly uncomfortable travelling along the Daintree River ‘croc spotting’ from a small boat. Even more unnerving physically seeing large adult crocodiles lazing by a lagoon near our accommodation at Lotusbird Lodge, Musgrave. Luckily this view was from a helicopter.
Yes, crocodiles really existed and were an ever present danger. Yet in reality crocodiles are dormant creatures in winter, preferring to sun themselves on the riverbanks. The actual number of them over the vast area of the Cape York Peninsula also meant an encounter was unlikely. I marvelled at the locals in Weipa and Cape York who seemed unperturbed as they walked and fished beside their well-known coastline. In a sense the signs were a prompt to be alert rather than alarmed.
A crocodile encounter rates as an unpleasant experience for me. I felt a visceral anxiety looking into the murky waters. Yet not everyone feels the same way. Our reactions are highly individual and constructed from what we know and experience. Internalizing our fear is also something we don’t control.
So how can we create a healthy level of anxiety in proportion to threatening situations?
- Take a moment. Reminding ourselves of things we deeply know already. That we often overestimate threats and underestimate our capabilities and resources to deal with them. We can avoid feeling overwhelmed by stepping back and observing the situation. Seeing the larger picture of what is happening. Acknowledging that everything changes over time, including ourselves. How we are reacting right now is not our identity. We are just feeling fearful or anxious in this particular moment.
- Do a reality check – We don’t know the outcome of a situation. The mental stories we tell ourselves are just that, possibilities. Instead think ‘Let’s see how the story unfolds’. Then it’s easier to deal with what is happening right now rather than being overtaken by thoughts of what might occur. We can also take necessary precautions to increase our feeling of safety and sense of calm.
- Stay curious to your fear – We can gain wisdom from examining our reactions to life. At times how we react to unpleasant situations can be puzzling. Either it’s out of character or over exaggerated in relation to what’s happening. Giving ourselves compassion and kindness around our reactions is a loving response. It also allows us to be more understanding and supportive of others.
- Practice Mindfulness. There are a host of different types of techniques to help instill calm as our default response. Practice deep, slow breathing. Particularly allowing your out breath to be longer than your in breath. Activities such as warm baths, walking in nature, slow movement and stretches, meditation and visualizing relaxing each part of your body help stimulate the calm response. For the best effect, make these techniques a regular part of your routine.
“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths”
Etty Hillesum
The human experience is challenging. We either react or respond to unpleasant situations. Even anticipating an event can be as unnerving. By responding calmly, we can foster a more balanced and responsive default position to our circumstances.
