I love the change of season to Autumn. It’s my favourite time of year. Where I live in Australia our climate is temperate so the days are slightly crisper yet the temperatures have not dropped too much. I look forward to opportunities to head further south to cooler climates and to witness the stunning natural colour change before the trees shed their leaves.

Autumn is a perfect time to think about letting go of what no longer serves you. It allows you to bring something new into your life. It may be around work or lack of purpose. Your health. Feeling a sense of loneliness and difficulty finding people to connect with who’ll support and understand you. It may be an attitude or self-belief that is impacting your confidence and contentment.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

How can you think differently about yourself or the situation that’s bothering you? What meaningful actions can you take to let go of the past? What can you control that will allow you to move forward?

“Summon all your strength to let go and start heading in a new direction because it’ll lead you closer to your true path”

Niki Banas (Walk the Earth)

Let’s identify a few things you may want to let go of.

Letting go of focusing on the past

The past can be a challenging place to move forward from. It’s a safe place that we know well. It’s become our sense of identity (even though we tend to strongly identify with the worst incidences of our past – trauma, grief, illness and betrayal). Unforgiveness and resentments are also hard ones for us to shift.

The past is the source of many of the stories we tell ourselves. If they are trauma based, they can become crutches to provide comfort and receive pity from others. Ultimately these stories become unhelpful and limit us moving forward.

The past is also a place we can no longer access. It has framed how we understand life, given us life lessons and helped create who we are, someone who is continually evolving. Although we may have regrets about our past actions or misgivings about decisions we previously made, it’s important to find a way forward and seek peace within ourselves.

There is a growing body of evidence that our mind and body are deeply interconnected. Experiencing PTSD, repressing anger, struggling to forgive and people pleasing sit alongside unhealthy physical factors in the development of chronic health conditions (Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Dr Gabor Mate are useful resources for further reading).

Please don’t blame your ‘past self’. The patterns you formed to keep safe and survive life’s difficulties may have come from your early life. Those responses can also form following particularly traumatic events you’ve lived through. None of us come through life unscathed.

The thing is to recognise the patterns of your behaviour and do the work to heal and move forward toward your own version of optimum health.

Letting go of worrying about the future

The other side of the coin is our concern about the future. Something that in reality is also outside our control. No matter how much worry and anxiety we infuse into our being, it will have little influence on what we will eventually experience.

When we are anxious about the future we can benefit from taking practical action in the present moment. That may look like fully accepting what is and having gratitude for what we currently have in our lives. To also recognize that we’ve been able to navigate through changes before in our lives and come out the other side. There is probably a toolkit of strategies we’ve learnt to help us move forward effectively.

Brad Stulberg in his book ‘Master of Change’ talks about developing a rugged flexibility around life. Building a strong sense of self that allows you to also be flexible to navigate life’s changes as they present themselves. It’s a type of moving renovation we make that takes into account each life transition from a solid base of understanding ourselves and life.

“We have a better chance of feeling and doing good if we set realistic expectations – including that things change all the time, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse”

Brad Stulberg

Bringing your focus to the present moment

The work of letting go happens in the moment you are living right now. Ekhart Tolle in his book ‘The Power of Now’ would say it’s the only moment that truly exists and that we can influence. The beauty of that is that we can use the knowledge and life lessons of past experiences but we are not bound by them. By consciously letting go it’s possible to imagine a different future.

So what can you let go of right now?

• The need to be constantly busy and feel validated through being needed by others.
• Suppressing your emotions rather than processing and expressing them.
• Comparing yourself and your life to others (often in an unfavourable way).
• Having limited beliefs of what is possible to achieve in your life.
• The desire to endlessly acquire things.
• Difficulty and discomfort receiving support from others.
• Wishing life was different rather than appreciating the life you are actually living.
• The need to know what is going on in the world, especially through social media. Many have a fear of missing out if they disconnect from technology.
• Outdated ideas of what it means to be a woman and your place in the world. This can influence how you see yourself in your relationships, community and workplace.

As you read through the list, do any of these resonate as habits or attitudes you’d like to change? Just by recognizing they exist you are taking the first step of reflection which will enable you to look for ways to act or view things differently.

By examining what you need to let go of in life, you create space for something new. Something that is more aligned with the person you are becoming, rather than who you are now or who you have been. It’s a process that requires time to ponder the presence of behaviours and attitudes in your daily life. Noticing the impacts they have on yourself and those around you. Then it becomes possible to create and  implement small steps that move you forward.

Do you have a particular part of your home that you feel most at peace and content? It’s the place you gravitate to for relaxation or to create. Is it the kitchen where you love to cook? A favourite chair you like to read in or watch television? Is it outside in your garden?

Our physical home can very much be a representation of our comfort zone. Within our home we are able to be ourselves, relax and find a sense of contentment. It’s a place we decorate with our personal taste and focus on creating a sense of safety and comfort.

We venture out each day to the world beyond, yet it’s so nice to pull back into our driveway, open the door, kick off our shoes and unwind again.

Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

Our inner comfort zone is similar. Kirsten Butler in her book ‘The Comfort Zone’ describes it as a place where you can feel safe and can express yourself fully without judgement. It allows you to feel uplifted and good about yourself and your life. It’s a very personalized space where you can stay and remain strong, in your power during stressful times.

The lovely thing about our ‘inner’ comfort zone is we can take it with us when we venture out into the world. It’s our safe and nurturing space, our space of inner strength and calm as we go about our day.

When you are inside your comfort zone: –

• The ‘fight and flight’ response is mostly inactive. This allows you to be in the ‘rest and digest’ mode where you feel at peace and safe. Your body can heal and recuperate.
• Your heart rate quietens allowing your body organs to go into balance with your heart. A state that helps your organs function more efficiently. This makes the comfort zone really powerful. Its impact on your physical and emotional wellbeing allows you to become healthier and more creative.
• As individuals we love to learn and experience new things. We like to continually stretch the limits of our abilities and experiences. In that expansion we also like to feel a sense of comfort. If we go too far out of our comfort zone, we lose the benefits of comfortably expanding our sense of self.

The Comfort Zone is a good place to live your life from.

First, you need to feel safe. 

It’s necessary for our survival and as soon as we step out from what’s comfortable for us, that feeling of safety is gone.

The two main elements of safety are creating healthy boundaries and self-care. Boundaries represent your outward-facing needs and preferences in relation to the world. Self-care refers to your inner nurturing. It’s important to strike a balance between the two.

• Healthy boundaries require you to know what you want and need so you can communicate those desires to others. This is not easy when you are going through lots of change. Remember to pause, feel and name the emotions of your experience. When you feel calmer, ponder from a wider perspective what your current wants and needs may be. Take your time. Observe life around you and tune in to your intuition.
• Healthy boundaries allow you to give respect to yourself and to ask for respect from others. It is also acknowledging the choices of others and respecting their boundaries. A valuable insight to take on board is that we cannot change others. We can only impact change within ourselves.
• Self-care requires us to tune into our physical body to maintain its optimum health. It’s also important to be aware of our mental thoughts and beliefs, our emotional state and our connection with the non-physical or spiritual part of ourselves.

Once you feel a sense of safety it’s easier to express who you are.

Self-expression is the different ways you share yourself and your preferences with the world. It helps others know who you are and how to treat you. It helps your ‘tribe’ find you. Those people who enjoy your company and want to spend time with you.

Your self-image plays a big role in your self-expression. It can be positive and empowering, giving you confidence and a strong sense of self-esteem. It can also be negative and disempowering, filling you with self-doubt and uncertainty.

If you are not consciously building up how you see yourself then you will tend to mirror how others see you instead. The good news is you can refine and adjust your self-image at any time. You can appreciate your qualities and feel more comfortable with who you are.

Your self-image also informs your choices and actions. Having a good sense of self lets you be more authentic and express your true nature. In the clothes you wear, the activities you choose and the people you surround yourself with. You can create a life that fits more closely with who you are.

All of this can occur within what is comfortable for you but it’s also true that you can venture outside your comfort zone and explore knowing it’s possible to return to the familiar. Just like you venture out from your physical home each day.

We are always building up a picture of who we are. Let yours be a kind, generous and grateful one.

Enjoying your life from your Comfort Zone

Do you know people that live simply and also feel their life is blessed? Perhaps you are one of those people. The opposite can also be true. The person continually striving for more, without feeling satisfied with what they have.

When you feel safe, comfortable in your own skin and can express yourself authentically it’s easier to enjoy your life wherever you are.

Enjoying your current life attracts more possibilities into your life. Bringing new people, events, opportunities, relationships and moments for you to enjoy. That’s the magic of manifesting.

This is why gratitude and having a positive outlook on life is such a powerful practice.

Expanding from your Comfort Zone

Who we are changes from moment to moment, day to day, year to year. In fact, physically on a cellular level we replenish completely over seven to ten years. We become a completely different person. That also goes for our outward experience of the world. We are a decade older and the life experiences we’ve had mature us into a different version of ourselves.

Really knowing our wants and needs and living authentically with gratitude for our current life is a wonderful start for expanding into desires and dreams we’d love to achieve.

We don’t quite know how those dreams will unfold. You’re not supposed to know the how. It’s impossible to map your whole path at the beginning of a journey. That journey is part of your life experience.

Instead focus on the what and the why. Identify those desires and why they are so personally important to you. Life rarely goes exactly as planned so trust in yourself and the unknown to help things unfold. Just focusing on the next step is enough.

The comfort zone is a wonderful place from which to live. It’s familiarity allows us to be who we are and its always a place we can return to, just like our physical home when we need to. The comfort zone can also be our springboard for the new. We can step out and experiment with different versions of ourselves and our lives. Kristen Butler describes it as intentionally expanding our sense of self. In time that expanded self is our new familiar and we can venture into new terrain and dream again.

It feels so good to be out and about exploring the world in 2023. For many late baby boomers the much anticipated travel plans post – retirement were put on hold over the pandemic years. It seems many of us are making up for lost time now as our freedom to travel has returned.

Yet we are a few years older. Perhaps having kept our fitness reasonably well but noticing the small changes of advancing years. The ability to sustain long flights in economy class and sleeping in strange hotel beds night after night may be more challenging now. We are less agile and move slower than we did a decade ago unless rigorous exercise is part of our daily lives.

Here are some tips from our recent travels.

Before you Go

• Money – Let your banks know when and where you will be travelling to prior to departure. Take multiple cards just in case you have issues with a particular one. Consider also taking some local currency for small expenses and taxis.  We have discovered Wise. It is a debit card you load with your own funds and has a good exchange rate for multiple currencies. You also instantly get a message on your phone when a purchase happens which is great for additional security. Both a physical and digital card are available to use.
• Communication – There are probably a variety of ways to keep in touch while you are away from home. We like Whats App as a way to message and send photos and videos back to family. We were even able to do a video chat with our youngest granddaughter for her birthday when overseas. Another good communication discovery was buying an e-SIM card for our mobile phone. While local Australian carriers are good they can have expensive international roaming when overseas. With our e-sim we were able to keep our own mobile phone number while travelling and turn on the e-sim on arrival at our destination and use a local carrier while there. It was relatively easy to install, pay for and use.
• Packing – we swear by packing cubes. We have multiple sized zipped bags. Ours were purchased from Zoomlite. Its so easy to keep clothing, shoes, toiletries and electronics in separate bags. They are sturdy, secure and make packing and unpacking a breeze. I often use one for overnight stays to contain all my needs for that time. There are also good sized ones to fit in backpacks or carry-on luggage.
• Ease of flying – I always wear compression socks on long flights. It helps to avoid leg discomfort and the potential of DVT. It’s good to put them on pre-flight and wear them until you are safely back on the ground and mobile again. Aisle seats are good for access without disturbing others and the ability to stretch your legs mid-flight. Ear plugs, eye masks, socks and an empty water bottle (filled after going through customs) are also handy.

Travel in Comfort

Recently my husband and I spent three weeks in Greece. The flight time to Athens is around 19 hours. Crossing time zones in each direction as we traversed across the Australian continent, above the Indian Ocean and Asia. Eventually making our way to Eastern Europe and our destination. We opted for Business Class on Emirates Airlines to allow us the increased comfort of a flatbed. We are so glad we did as between meal times it was much easier to stretch out in the darkened cabin to get some sleep. The flight attendants supplied us a thin mattress, pillow and blanket for comfort and socks and an eye mask were available to keep us warm and adjusted for sleep.

The benefit of a comfortable journey was our ability to arrive that evening reasonably refreshed and ready for the activities we had planned during the following days. We didn’t skip a beat and had a wonderful, restful first night sleep in our hotel. Arriving at our destination in the evening is a good travel strategy. Most travel time has been in waking hours and it is easier to slip into the regular routines of your destination.

Balance your activity levels

Balancing tours and relaxation is a great idea once you settle into your holiday. Savour the opportunity to enjoy meals, people watch and connect with others from around the world where you are staying. Perhaps in our youth we tightly packed our days with sightseeing and activity, but now its more nuanced with slower, more observant timing to take in each experience. We had so many wonderful conversations with people around hotel pools and while sightseeing. It’s also important to take time to treat hotel and tour guides well by showing gratitude for their hospitality, assistance and local knowledge.

Keep on top of logistics.

Plan ahead in regard to the logistics of your holiday. Double check the transfers or pick up times for tours the day before. We found our hotel staff invaluable when we were confirming bookings particularly when they could speak to tour operators and companies in their own language. Check locations you are going to and research itinerary destinations to get more knowledge about what you will experience or see. That being said, its also good to make on the spot decisions to explore somewhere interesting. These experiences can end up being the highlight of your holiday.

One gem of advice that we would pass on about ferry travel, particularly in the Greek Islands, is to know the port names rather than just the names of the islands. While waiting for our ferry from Mykonos to Santorini we were uncertain which one to catch as the port names flashed up on the back of the vessel. It took a moment of intuition that being the only ones left on the dock as the large ferry was preparing to depart meant maybe we were also meant to be aboard. Thankfully the staff realised our predicament and physically assisted us onto the ferry ramp with our suitcases and ushered us aboard just as the ferry made its departure.

Accept the unexpected – ‘Go with the flow’.

And finally, prepare for the unexpected. Inevitably some things will not go to plan. We found ourselves with a two and a half hour transfer to Chania Airport in Crete. While we had to leave our accommodation earlier than expected the silver lining was the opportunity to see more of the islands beautiful beaches and rugged mountains along the way. It became our own private sightseeing tour.

As we headed back on our flight from Dubai to Sydney we found ourselves seated behind a young family with a four month old baby. There was also an elderly gentleman who was being escorted by a U.K medical officer on the flight. While the baby (and parents) slept relatively peacefully throughout the fourteen hour flight we often saw the elderly man with dementia and his carer walking the aisles of the plane. I think it would have been a more challenging flight for the latter pair. We all made it safely onto Australian soil, perhaps weary and experiencing jet lag for the following few days.

Look after yourself on your arrival home.

Once home, it’s important to slow the pace before returning to regular activities. Sleep more if you need to until your body clock returns to normal. Allow your body to adjust its digestion patterns and energy levels. There will be time for the inevitable unpacking, washing and restocking the fridge over the next few days.

Reaching our later years often gives more time and opportunity to travel. It becomes a welcomed yet different experience. Managed well it can enrich our lives. Plan well, pace well and stay available to take advantage of the unexpected. While in youth we crave as much experience as possible, at this stage of life its about savouring each moment and creating and sharing lasting memories.