Whether it’s a eulogy, memoir, biography or journal entry; writing has a powerful way of capturing someone’s life. It is from the perspective of the writer, either about themselves or others, and chronicles both thoughts and emotions. There is power in telling out story.

Imagine if you had the opportunity to pen your own eulogy while you were still alive? This was the case with my mother in law. After a relatively short cancer journey she recently passed away. During her illness, prompted by a series of questions posed by our niece, she took the opportunity to write down memories of her life. At times it was in the form of amusing stories and her unique viewpoint on life. She fondly recalled dates, events, places and people.

We didn’t discover the handwritten papers until after her death yet we found among her words the makings of her life story/eulogy. What a wonderful gift she gave us at an emotionally distressing time. From her initial words we were easily able to piece together a fitting tribute to her life.

The Elements of a Eulogy

In the movie ‘The Last Word’ (2017) controlling, retired businesswoman Harriet (Shirley MacLaine) employs a young obituary writer Anne (Amanda Seyfried) to pen a fitting tribute to her life before she dies. She scours through examples of Anne’s work identifying four essential eulogy components.

1. The deceased should be loved by their family.

2. The deceased is admired by their work colleagues

3. The deceased has contributed a unique gift to the world.

4. The deceased must have particularly touched someone’s life.

Harriet discovers she falls miserably short on all four accounts and resolves to reshape her past by creating a new legacy. In the process she mends family fractures, mentors a young girl and pursues a job she excels at as a disc jockey. Anne and Harriet emerge with a life altering connection and a beautiful, simple eulogy Anne delivers at Harriet’s funeral.

 It is never too late. While we are alive, we can continue to write and rewrite our lives. To start afresh, to make amends with relationships that have turned sour, to learn from our mistakes and leave a lasting legacy. Each day brings an opportunity to positively influence those around us and make valuable contributions to the world. Sharing our time, abilities and love.

“Fall on your face. Fail. Fail spectacularly. Because when you fail, you learn. When you fail you live.”

Harriet’s words of wisdom to Anne.

The Writing Practice.

Cultivating a consistent practice of writing thoughts onto paper can provide the motivation to write our life’s story.  It may be free flowing or be prompted by a series of questions. Reviewing sections of our life helps us to clarify our memories and the emotions attached. Unresolved issues can be seen in a new light. Relationship rifts understood and forgiven.

If you were to begin writing your own life story or eulogy where would you begin? What are the experiences that have moulded you? The amusing situations that would give others a better picture of who you are. The events and relationships that have unfolded over the decades. The challenges you overcame.  Take time to piece together your memories and provide a valuable snapshot that will live on beyond your years.

I, like many others, have just finished watching Series 2 of Old People’s Home for 4 Year Olds on Australia’s ABC television network. The series depicted the interactions of an intergenerational social experiment. Each day over six weeks, a group of elderly, who live alone in their homes, were bused to a purpose-built pre-school venue situated in a coastal suburb of Sydney. There they met up with a group of four-year-old children under the guidance of a multi-disciplinary team of early childhood teachers, psychologists, and geriatric specialists.

It was a delight to watch the connections blossom between the generations as they explored play-based activities together. Kite flying, dressing up, tea parties, painting, dance, games and excursions into the community were among the fun things planned. Laughter, tears, and plenty of cuddles were shared. The meaning and questions of life were pondered across the generations.

At the conclusion of the experiment major benefits were identified. For the older participants mobility and life satisfaction had improved. New connections had been formed with their fellow participants, the children, and their families. For the four-year-olds, there were particular benefits with pro- social skills. These skills include awareness of the emotions of others, helping skills and empathy. For the families it was the beginning of a bond between each of the elder/pre-schooler natural pairings that we all hope continues beyond the series.

‘We didn’t give them (the elderly) antidepressants we gave them interaction with children’.

Series 2 promotional video

As I watched the series I wondered what life would be like for us if we reach the eighth and ninth decades of our lives. Each programme gave much to ponder: –

Where will we be living and will that be with a partner or alone by that time in our lives?  

What will be the ramifications in regards to loneliness and depression?

Will we have a suitable level of mobility and good health if we choose to live independently?

Will we be able to effectively execute our daily tasks?

What connections will we have with our family and the community late in life?

How satisfied will we be with our lives?

I am at the end of the Baby Boomer generation and there will be a fairly large cohort of us reaching the later years in several decades time. I am hoping there is enough pre-schoolers and their families around to connect with us. My own grandchildren will be all grown up by then. Perhaps there will be great grandchildren to have wonderful, fun filled times with. If not, hopefully the multigenerational pre-school model may have taken off and be available in all our communities.

It will take development of a new sub model of service delivery for both the pre-school and age care sectors. Traditionally these two stages of life have sat like silos in society. Disconnected and therefore missing out on the benefits of integrating these care settings.

There will need to be a range of considerations to expand the existing model.

*Those who train prospective employees in the early childhood and aged care sectors will need to create specialized teaching units on each other’s specialty within their tertiary courses.

* It will require a multi-disciplinary approach as early childhood teachers, parents, psychologists, age care professionals and geriatric specialists create a team around this special elder/child relationship.

* Ongoing research should measure the effectiveness and benefits of an intergenerational preschool model.

* Venues and activities need to be carefully planned for and professionally supervised to maintain safety and enhance the benefits.

* Funding models will need to change to incorporate the integration of traditional funding with this new innovation. This will require a streamlined approach at government level. Currently both state and federal governments have responsibility in these sectors.

I am excited about intergenerational models within our communities. I am sure others who enjoyed and embraced the series are too. I hope by the time I am an elder these intergenerational preschools will exist widely in our communities. We will all be able to sign up for a fun filled, purposeful day of connection together.