I have recently updated my car and in the first few months have travelled nearly five thousand kilometres. My car is comfortable and roomy and I am learning about its intricacies. We are making a connection. It’s my mode of transport to get from A to B.

I feel this journeying frequently by car is a mirror of my life. A life of the wanderer. Briefly in different places and always mindful of the next part of my journey. Sometimes I wonder what is behind my lack of stability and certainty. It used to worry me, but now I have come to accept that this is how my life makes sense. I have come to embrace its transient nature.

So with all this travel, what reflections have I noted: –

1. As in life, there are all types of fellow drivers who share the road with us. The fast and the slow. Those for whom the road is familiar while others are new to the route. Some drivers are cautious, others risk takers or get distracted. We are all seeing the journey from our own unique perspective.  Yet we are all also sharing this common pathway of the road. At times it presents us with moments of negotiating and compromise. We navigate overtaking safely and being aware of others and our surroundings.

2. Sometimes we travel with others, sometimes on our own. There are benefits for both. If we travel alone we make our own decisions about how long we take and where we stop. We choose our own music or decide to enjoy the solitude. Travelling together we can have conversations, help each other navigate the way, share the experience, and create lasting memories.

3. The roadway changes along the way. Sometimes we find ourselves changing direction. We come to a fork in the road or T intersection requiring us to decide between alternatives.

Robert Frost in his famous poem – The Road Not Travelled, reflects on the decisions made as we come to diverging paths. Once we have set our course we rarely look back to test the alternative we have not chosen. More likely the new path takes us onto ever changing vistas ahead. If it is an unfamiliar path it has the potential to surprise us with new experiences along the way.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less travelled by. And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost.

Even on our current pathway hazards can appear. Road works, obstacles such as wide loads and narrow bridges to navigate. Just as in life, these are unexpected obstacles and diversions.

How do we navigate these changes? Our senses switch on. We become more observant and conscious of our surroundings. We examine the alternatives to come up with the decision that feels right to take. We adjust to what we are experiencing. In doing so, we build our skills and strategies for future reference.

4.  To focus on the journey or the destination. The decision to take the scenic route versus the quickest route to our destination. Do we stop for longer, find new places to rest and revive. Perhaps stay overnight along the way to explore a part of the trip in more depth. Taking our time can allow us to live more fully and savour experiences. We need to ask ourselves what is the purpose of our journey? Can we slow it down at times?

5. The shortest route may not always be the best. – the dirt road alternative. Sometimes the secondary roads take us to our destination in less distance. We may see that as beneficial to the overall trip time. Yet these diversions may be bumpy and uncomfortable to undertake. We may risk damaging our vehicle or windscreen by choosing these alternatives. If we break down on an out of the way path it may take time for other traffic to pass by or come to our rescue.

Sometimes in life we can make a personal choice, the longer more stable path versus the bumpy, shorter path to where we wish to go. The former path can offer more ease and predictability. Yet sometimes we have no alternative to the latter. It is then that we need to summon our courage to navigate the rocky path.

6. You never know what’s around the corner. Each moment of our journey is relevant. We can give gratitude for what we are currently experiencing. We can also venture around the bend and embrace the next vista. Each time it is an unknown, yet all of our previous experience gives us tools to navigate what we find.

Whether driving in our car or navigating each new day, we are continually experiencing change in our lives. It requires both awareness and decision making on a reasonably constant basis. Embrace gratitude for the present moment on your journey. It is unique and unrepeatable. Then find courage to explore the vista that emerges around the next bend.

I have always been fascinated by the story line of the movie Sliding Doors. As London woman, Helen Quilley (played by Gwyneth Paltrow) unexpectedly misses her train ride home, she opens up a pandora’s box of two alternate futures. Both of these scenarios are explored during the course of the movie.

When we look at life we can see where opportunities have arisen and doors to an alternate possible future have opened. Equally, if we listen intuitively, we can hear and feel the experience of doors in our lives closing. It may be a stage of life, for example, our children grow up and no longer need our ever-present care and support. Perhaps a painful reality of the journey to losing a loved one. It can also be in a situation, where staying creates more pain than letting go and moving on.

Often it’s a crossroad or ‘fork in the road’ in our lives that begins momentum. For me, it was the painful reality of choosing between an idyllic seaside life with my husband or the heart yearning voice of needing to return to my roots and spend time with my children and grandchildren.

I sat in the pain of trying to resolve this for some time. It sapped my energy and quashed my happiness. At one point, where I felt I couldn’t find resolution, I lay in my bed refusing to engage with the world. I wondered how I deserved this lot in life. Life seemed so unfair as I looked at others around me connected as extended families.

Yet in time I eventually persevered through each day. Making some conscious decisions to visit my hometown, children, and grandchildren more often. Wondering if that would quell my inner sadness. You know, we are persistent creatures, often continuing through our pain and suffering hoping for a solution to appear – a light at the end of the tunnel.

Little seeds of possibility began to show themselves. As the physical solutions became apparent – a home to live in and a reason to make the move, my desire to take action and open this door of opportunity grew. Once I had made the decision to take action a strange thing happened. My whole body calmed and I began to feel a weight lifted. Intuitively I knew the Universe had my back and everything would be O.K. Much of the tension and sadness had been released.

“Be brave enough to give away what is not good for you”

David Whyte – Half A Shade Braver September 2020 Series.

It has been a two-year journey to find the convergence of my heart’s desires and my answers. What have I learnt from stepping through the open door?

• To trust myself, beyond my constant thoughts. To check more deeply within to my heart and gut for the quieter signposts of realization. Then to create space and silence to delve deeply into my own healing and unique solutions.
• To be selfish around my personal needs. To look into my own reflection and ask – What do you need? After walking the maternal tightrope between being selfless in my mothering role and selfish in my personal needs, more the former than the later, I now make myself a priority.
• To be brave and step out of my comfort zone. Taking heart felt actions that resonate.
• To connect more deeply in my interactions and conversations with others. This only came from truly knowing the person I was becoming and enjoying how my life was unfolding.

In our current world, we have been given a gift. It’s the gift of more time and opportunity to go deeper and contemplate what is most important in our lives. We have been brought to a new reality. Embrace the opportunity to see if doors are quietly closing or opening for you. Be brave and contemplate what it might be like to put your heart felt needs first and venture through that opening door.

When I share Gardner’s multiple intelligence theory with early childhood educators a light bulb moment often happens. Rather than seeing intelligence narrowly as IQ tests and factual knowledge, suddenly they realize that children’s learning is much broader. Some learn best while their bodies are moving, others through music or language.  The social butterflies in the classroom learn effectively in connection with others, while some children prefer space to think alone. Nature, maths, or science may be a stimulus for knowledge gathering.

Educators learn to accommodate all types of learners in their classroom. It is an enlightening way to think about intelligence.

Recently I have come across a similar multiple perspective – this time around the concept of courage. It really resonated with me. The most common way we look at courage is as a form of masculine outward bravery. Think superheroes on a battlefield or fighting an inferno. Yet there are also other ‘softer’ forms of courage that are worthy to explore. Each one strengthens particular human traits we are aiming for in our lives. They also take us out of our comfort zone and strengthen our character.

Physical Courage: To have the resilience to continue moving forward in life. The ability to be brave. To persevere when the going gets tough and it would be easier to just give up. Physical courage is also seen as staying rooted in the present moment. To listen and share deeply in our interactions with others. To focus on The Now as Eckhart Tolle would say, as that is really the only moment we exist in. It’s being able to achieve balance between our busy lives and sitting in stillness, observant and aware of what is going on around us. Courage as a skill to practice every day.

Social Courage: To be ourselves in an authentic and unapologetic way. The work of Brene Brown is a wonderful start to exploring this type of courage. Vulnerability and shame speak to the softer, more human side of courageously turning up in life.

Moral Courage: This is the ability to stand up for what we believe, even though it may be uncomfortable or unpopular. It’s the ability to advocate for our own viewpoint or to create awareness more widely for the plight of others. It takes a certain form of bravery to find our voice and stand out from popular opinion.

“What if the world is holding its breath – waiting for you to take the place that only you can fill?”

David Whyte – Irish Poet

Emotional Courage: Being able to feel the breadth of our emotions – both the good and the bad. Not seeing them as our identity, but more our bodily response to what is happening around us. To be unashamed to show these emotions and share them with vulnerability. This is a healing type of courage. Very much the opposite of the ‘stiff upper lip’ of hiding our emotions from others.

Intellectual Courage: The ability to be fallible with knowledge. To learn, unlearn and relearn with an open and flexible mind. To know our knowledge and wisdom is tied to our particular view and experience of the world. To be open to the perspective of others. It’s the courage to make mistakes and learn difficult life lessons.

Spiritual Courage: To strive for purpose and meaning in our lives through a heart centred approach towards both ourselves and all life. To believe in the unseen and to uphold personal standards that benefit the collective good of our families and communities. This type of courage is a quiet and considered one.

Now that I have presented various faces of courage I intend to follow this with a series of blogs exploring each one. I hope you will join me in this broadened conversation of how we can live more courageously in our lives.