Choosing a beautiful destination for weddings has been a popular choice of newlyweds. As the matriarch of my family I thought of the possibility of a destination Christmas for our growing extended family. This choice allows a neutral location, in perhaps a holiday destination, that provides space to share and create memories.

It has been years since my sister and I celebrated a Christmas Day together. Like many siblings we live away from each other. As our families grew and our children became young adults they also moved to live in new locations. Our two children are married and we have added their partners and five grandchildren to our family group. Everyone is busy during the year with work and school responsibilities, making a Christmas gathering an even more precious opportunity to connect.

Just prior to the previous Christmas we began to envision a Christmas together. One where we could eat, sleep and connect over several days. First priority was finding a suitable location where travel distances were shared by all. Dates were decided and we started investigating options. Initially a city get away was looked at but the logistics of finding reasonably priced self-contained accommodation and a venue for Christmas Lunch proved difficult. We finally chose the beautiful Southern Highland N.S.W. location of Bowral.

It was great to start planning early.

Once the accommodation and timing was locked in we paid a refundable deposit and worked out costings in ample time to avoid any financial surprises later in the year. The house gave us the required nine bedrooms, two roomy living spaces and a large kitchen. We could begin imagining configurations for the bedding. Thankfully there were ample bathrooms on the floor plan so each family was allocated their own.

The accommodation choice and basic information was shared with everyone and a family Whats App group was set up. Our initial planning kept everyone in the loop as we shared suggestions and built anticipation. We set dates to arrive several days prior to Christmas so everyone could settle in. This strategy also gave us an opportunity to locate all we needed in the kitchen and test appliances with a meal or two before Christmas Day.

Six weeks prior to Christmas.

Several months out some of the group came together to discuss Christmas Lunch. We gathered to have a ‘trial run’ of possibilities, just like a trial dinner for the bridal party before a wedding. It worked well, as we were able to choose both our lunch menu and a flexible ‘food plan’ for the remaining meals together. Christmas Eve lunch we planned a group outing to a local winery. It was an opportunity to dress up, have a meal prepared for us and celebrate a few recent family birthdays. Lunch was a good option particularly when younger children are involved.

Our trial meal together was also an opportunity to talk about gift giving. We decided to buy mainly for the children in the family. Adults bought for their partners. One family followed a Secret Santa tradition, this year deciding to buy silly socks for each other.

Our Christmas at Bowral

As each family arrived excitement built and connections deepened. We were all amazed by the generous space available and slowly settled into bedrooms. The children enjoyed playing together while the adults reconnected. We also met one of our nieces fiancé, some for the first time.

We let the flow of each day revolve flexibly around our meals. There were walks of the neighbouring streets, board games and outdoor multi-generational games on the expansive front lawn. We all shared in the younger children’s experience of Santa with Santa sacks and cookies and milk for Santa and his reindeer adorning the entry hall table. Upstairs during Christmas Eve piles of gifts magically emerged under our little Christmas Tree. In very untrue to form, the littlest family members were last to wake up Christmas morning so the adults waited patiently for the excitement to begin.

Christmas Day was all hands on deck in the kitchen. Desserts and sides for the mains prepared, the long table set, the outdoor BBQ lit and cocktails and drinks poured. Christmas music played in the background and photos and videos were taken to remember the day. After lunch Christmas gifts were explored and games played. The Whats App group became a visual memory board of our time together as photos were taken and shared. We remained all day and into the evening at our accommodation using lunch leftovers for our evening meal. This made for a relaxed day for everyone.

Departure Day

For a variety of reasons departure day is equally as important as arrival day. We made a point of always keeping the dishwasher loaded, particularly with such a large group, and maintaining a level of tidiness during our stay. As one of our nieces remarked ‘There is no ‘I’ in team, so even the younger children knew everyone needed to pitch in and help with tasks.

Most properties have check out times so cleaners can arrive to prepare for the following guests so its important to manage and give plenty of time to tidy and check everyone’s belongings are accounted for.

Once breakfast was had and cars were packed it was time for goodbyes. When everyone lives a distance from each other it can be a time of mixed emotions. Make it a precious time for hugs and conversation and wish safe travels home.

Finally, I sent a quick thank you text to our host to let her know we would be soon departing. This gesture allows the host to alert cleaning teams into action and is definitely appreciated.

Our Destination Christmas was a wonderful opportunity as an extended family to congregate. From everyone’s feedback it was a memorable time shared. If you are looking to emulate our experience my advice would be to start planning early (a year out is a good idea). Use a platform to keep everyone informed during the year about any logistics and finances. Finally, come with an open heart and realistic expectations of your time together, stay flexible and accommodating to everyone’s needs and personalities and create heaps of memories that will be cherished for years to come.

I really enjoy my Sundays. I see it as my self-care day. A time to nurture my body with a relaxing bath and pamper. Perhaps read a book or listen to an informative podcast. Ponder the week’s theme and schedule discussion posts for the Healing the Matriarch Community Private Facebook Group. It’s also an opportunity to check my diary for what’s planned for the coming week.

If I am at home, I also love to head to our nearby beach to meet up with a local women’s group – Port Macquarie Women Connect. Our logo depicts our beautiful coastal environment. Our motto, which signifies our group’s purpose, is ‘Empowered Women’. The full affirmation is ‘Empowered Women, Empower Women”. The first part speaks to the group as ‘empowered’ women and describes both the emerging and present characteristics of each individual and collectively what we are striving for as a group. The second part ‘empower’ women is a call to our purpose and the actions that surround it.  

We gather to support each other’s connection needs, mental health and overall well-being. I tell these women that I adore our group. It meets all of these core needs and is a diverse cross-section of our community. There are women of different ages, life stages and backgrounds. Each woman has her own life experiences that can be shared within the group. There is no pressure to attend each week or to contribute in any detail as we walk alongside each other or sit together afterwards.

Footprints of Connection

Early morning we meet and briefly introduce ourselves by name. After an acknowledgement to country the group wanders down onto the sand and individuals begin chatting with each other. Small groups of women naturally form as we walk and talk along the beach until finally we reach our designated turning point. Once there, a joyous group photo is taken and then we walk back to our starting point to have a coffee and chat near the surf club. Our group is becoming known within our community. Observers notice the picnic rugs, upturned crates for seats and scattered cushions that signify our makeshift shared space. We have a sign and flag to identify who we are.

As the sister group of the local men’s group Self Seen, we’ve formed a special yet distinctly separate partnership to support our local communities. In addition to the weekly beach walks there is a monthly Women’s Night, women’s retreats and also informal get togethers for dinners, movie nights and other social outings. Each meetup gives an opportunity to become both individually empowered and collectively empower each other.

Women – love each other, support each other, defend each other. It comes at a greater cost to attack the women around you than it does to empower them

Caitlin Stasey.

So what does Empowerment mean?

To understand the essence of the group requires a deeper delving into the meaning of empowerment. The Oxford dictionary definition is ‘the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling our life and advocating for ourselves’. It is also about getting the support we need from others to feel respected and heard. To feel a real sense of true belonging in our connection with ourselves, in our close relationships, when we are part of social groups and finally more broadly in the community we live in.

Where do we start with feeling empowered?

Feeling a sense of empowerment begins within ourselves. It is not until we understand our own identity and unique needs that we can connect fully with others.

It’s being happy in our own skin at whatever time of life we find ourselves. Accepting our strengths and challenges as part of who we are. Creating healthy invisible boundaries around ourselves that honour our own priorities and needs. Taking the time to pause and consider the myriad of options before us – activities to be involved in, connections to foster or maintain, commitments to prioritize. Seeing each of them through the lens of benefit to ourselves or part of our current personal priority.

It also about being self-focused, without being self-centred. Honouring our own self-care – physically, emotionally and mentally. Giving ourselves self-compassion when we are struggling with life. Building self-confidence and belief we are valuable and have a place within each of our connections.

Empowerment is also about building strong, authentic connections between people. Respecting other’s perspectives and stories as they share them with us. Keeping details of conversations confidential to build each other’s trust. Taking the time to observe and listen equally as much as we talk. Knowing that much of our communication is not spoken. It’s observed in the other person’s body gestures and posture.

In life, we begin this empowerment journey by continually knowing ourselves. Our personalities, priorities, likes and dislikes, what drives our passion and purpose. Knowledge is powerful and it’s a lifelong education.

Empowering ourselves is also foundational for really connecting with others. Radiating our influence in widening circles from primary relationships such as with our partner, family and close social circle outward to our acquaintances and wider community. As each of us feels more personally empowered we become more capable of empowering and supporting others. Equally, belonging to a positively empowered group of women helps to nurture each of us individually.