I no longer believe our world supports young children’s healthy development. Mainly because of the incredible strain we put on parents to nurture their babies in a world that is stressful, complex, disconnected and lacking security. My beliefs come from my personal journey as a mother and now as a grandmother. My career as an early childhood teacher has also provided me with a concentrated lens on observing these changes over time.
The isolating task young couples face bringing a child into our current world and raising them is taking its toll. Not only on their own family unit but its impact is spreading out to the wider world. Teachers and others who work with children are noticing it. For each generation, the landscape of childhood and its impact on children’s development is changing rapidly.
Scarily, scientific study is finding the stress babies feel in utero, at birth and during the initial years of their life has potential long term mental health and life consequences (Dr Gabor Mate – The Myth of Normal).
Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash
So what is different –
- According to Dr Mate, women’s health and well-being during pregnancy and birth has been highly medicalized. Obstetricians are focused on medical complications and using convenience to justify what at times is unnecessary intervention. This takes away from women their confidence and natural instinct around what is a natural birthing process.
- Economic and societal pressures are causing women to re-enter the workforce soon after their baby’s birth. This interrupts the attachment process, parent/child bonding and providing the baby with a firm sense of security around their place in the world.
- Stress is placed on the nuclear family and the relationship parents have with each other. Their roles of ‘mother’ and ‘father’ become all-encompassing as they try to do what a whole ‘village’ of support would have done in small, hunter/gatherer groups. This dynamic had been normal for a majority of our human history. No wonder young parents are so exhausted.
- We are now in a world where technology has become a huge distraction and entertainer for children. Those who have developed these platforms and games are conscious of the impact they are having on children’s minds. They are creating long term behavioural and addictive patterns. Slowly inducing exposure with small wins and dopamine hits to keep them engaged. Meanwhile these children are losing social skills as they prefer the company of technology over the more complex and nuanced face to face interactions with others.
- For parents, social media provides endless comparison and unreal expectations of the experience of parenting. There is also conflicting child development advice from non experts. This causes confusion and lack of confidence for parents around their skills and strategies.
In our Healing the Matriarch Community Private Facebook group I asked the following questions of the members of the group –
- What are your thoughts on parenting in our current world?
- How has it changed from your own experience of motherhood?
- What can we do as older women to support those nurturing our next generation?
What would be your reflections and answers to these questions and can you see any real solutions?
A Possible Solution
What I am noticing more in my own community is the gradual rise of multi-generational connection. Finding regular activities and groups to join that foster real face to face contact between people from all stages of the lifespan. Events and informal gatherings that create space for fun, enjoyment and play together.
Opportunities like this also organically provide space for informal conversations around our feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. These are things we often internalize rather than share. They are also things that we don’t easily identify in ourselves yet are plainly observable by those who hear our concerns. Together solutions can be found.
A recent Zumba class I attended had everyone from a babe in arms enjoying the movement and music in his mother’s arms, children dancing among adults and young adults with various challenges and disabilities being warmly welcomed and included. The class also had its core of older women participants gaining fitness and serving as role models for others about life enjoyment and healthy aging.
Could this be part of the solution for fostering healthy childhood development? Children seeing and interacting with adults, and vice versa. Adults beginning to re-frame their beliefs about each other from personally interacting with those younger and older. Seeing our common humanity rather than focusing on our differences and as a result strengthening our support, understanding and tolerance of each other.
We can create this connection in our neighbourhoods, our communities and in the activities of our week. We can also advocate for change at various levels of government and within our institutions. Those bringing our next generation of children into the world need our wider support and children deserve the best possible circumstances in which to flourish.