There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. The first one can bring us peace and serenity. The second can make us feel uncomfortable, sad and disconnected from others. Each looks physically the same. We are in our own company. Yet it’s also true that we can feel lonely even when we are in a crowd of people or in an unhappy relationship.
It’s important to recognize which state you are in and reach out for connection and support when you are lonely. Even if you are usually a very outgoing and social person. Loneliness can feel strange and unsettling.
If instead, your moment of solitude gives you a sense of contentment acknowledge that too. Our world and schedules can be busy, so finding time for solitude is a gift to ourselves. A time to be creative, to rest or to observe the world around us more deeply.
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It’s interesting that as we get older, we feel more attuned to the beautiful art of being alone. We are happier to sit in the awkward silences rather than feel the urge to fill them with activity and conversation. Our homes tend to feel more peaceful and become a space where we give ourselves permission to do what we wish, or relax and do nothing at all; without feeling a sense of guilt.
‘I enjoy my own company with a coffee, a good movie, and the freedom to just be. Solitude isn’t about being alone; it’s all about feeling fulfilled and at peace’.
Helen Mirren
The beautiful older women of our Healing the Matriarch Community have this to say about what solitude personally means to them:-
‘I think of solitude as a gift to myself, time to relax, read or watch a movie with no other agenda intruding on my thoughts’ – Ann
‘I prefer to have company around me. They stimulate me both mentally and physically. However I’m learning when I’m on my own to relax and use mindfulness to get me through’ – Patricia
‘I like to curl up with a book and forget about time and jobs to be done’ – Joye
‘Solitude helps me find my natural rhythm and choose activities I enjoy doing’ – Jan
‘I am comfortable with solitude. I enjoy alone time’ – Ruth
‘ Solitude is having the freedom to do or not do anything I feel like at the time’ – Jan
Often when we are surrounded by the busy rhythm of life it’s difficult to find space to be alone. To consciously seek stillness, peace and solitude. Life and technology can distract us and it can be uncomfortable at times to be with our own thoughts and experiences. For younger women, the endless multitasking of family and work life can at times feel overwhelming. Finding solitude feels elusive.
Perhaps that’s why we feel a deeper sense of happiness later in life. We are less likely to feel the months flying by on autopilot and can actually find opportunities for reflection and emotional healing. The more time devoted to solitude, the more opportunity we have to tap into our inner wisdom. Finding space to be mindful and in the present moment. With practice, creating inner peace and contentment.
‘In stillness lives wisdom. In quiet you’ll find peace. In solitude you’ll remember yourself’
Robin Sharma
Time spent alone supports us in positive ways: –
- You grow as a person by getting to know yourself. You remember the things you enjoy doing and consciously place them in your daily schedule.
- You get the opportunity to recharge your body and relax. Moments of peace become possible.
- You create a space to comfortably express and experience your emotions.
- You become more resourceful and independent. Learning to rely on your own lens when you make decisions that are personally important.
- You don’t feel the need to constantly keep others happy.
- You stop seeking validation from others and increasingly source that from within yourself
- You don’t feel you have to apologize for who you are, your choices and how you live your life.
As humans we are built for connection with others. Yet it’s also important for our well being to balance that with time spent alone. Solitude nourishes us, replenishes our energy and supports our own needs. It also builds our motivation to connect with others and be better placed to support them.