Words are powerful yet they are only a small part of our communication with others. The tone with which we speak shares our emotions. The perspective of what we have to say shows the processing of our internal thoughts. Our body language – facial expressions, posture, gestures and eye movement, can support what we are saying or convey an entirely different message altogether.
The words we express are only part of our internal dialogue. At times we find it hard to find just the ‘right’ words to express our opinions, thoughts and feelings. When we do, our words can be misconstrued by the recipient. It’s not an easy task to communicate effectively with others.
Yet communication is a powerful tool. For learning, confidence, connection, reflection and healing. I’m using my previous blog posts to explore this topic. Hopefully you will find a few strategies and insights to ponder. If you wish to read further there are links below to the full blogs.
The Power of our own Life Story
By the time we reach the third trimester of life, a term defined by author of Smart, Stupid & Sixty Nigel Marsh, much has happened. There are a myriad of experiences to draw meaning from. Lessons learnt from both the good and the bad, the expected and the ones we didn’t see come from ‘left field’. We may feel our story is unimportant or fairly mundane yet in reflection we have the opportunity to explore its richness and find wisdom that’s valuable for both ourselves and others.
Methodically thinking back over parts of our lives can allow for reflection and healing. From the present day perspective it is possible to see past events within a bigger framework of life as a whole. There is the possibility for acceptance and forgiveness for what we remember. Its also possible to see how a particular incident has impacted our lives over time. Even where trauma has been involved, the potential for growth is more likely than us remaining unable to move forward in our lives. (Linda Graham – Resilience expert and author of Bouncing Back).
My own journey of reflection has allowed me to find my voice and gain powerful insight on past events and their impact. My tool of choice has been to write my thoughts within the framework of a blog. There are also other creative means such as poetry, song writing, podcasting, memoir and journalling.
Read more ….
“Humans are the only species that share stories. We’d be lost without them. With them, we find ourselves.”
Barbara Fulton Singer/Actor (Come from Away).
The Courage to Speak Up
Communication is easy when we agree with the views of the other person. We can reinforce each other’s perspective and feel a real sense of connection. The difficulty comes when we see life differently to someone else. In a sense our stories about life collide.
It takes a level of determination and courage to express our own unique point of view. To delve into disagreement rather than maintain an uncomfortable peace. A healthy level of conflict can help clear the air and open up increased respect for the differing needs and perspectives of each other. Its opposite can lead to giving and receiving silent treatment from others. Something detrimental to relationships if left unchecked. Read more in this article by Bernard Golden Ph.D.
Important conversations require some careful planning. Its important to first clarify your own viewpoint. Introduce the possibility of a conversation. You could start with ‘I’ve been thinking about … lately. Do you mind if we set aside a time to chat about it? This gives the other person time to reflect on their own thoughts on the subject. When you’ve created a space for the discussion take your time as things can feel emotionally uncomfortable. It’s also important to avoid distractions.
We can go through life sitting on the sidelines. Feeling our opinions are not valuable or appreciated by others. Increasingly feeling our needs and priorities remain unmet. It takes confidence to find our voice, particularly if we put the fear of how others will react before our own need for expression. Imagine the possibilities of being vulnerable enough to share your opinions more openly. Being your best advocate and the reward of finding your deeper, more authentic, and less censored sense of self.
Read more ….
Sharing our version of the story
Having difficult Conversations
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.’
Neale Donald Walsch
Using Emotional Intelligence when we communicate
During our lives we are developing knowledge about our world. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage our own emotions and those of the people around us. When someone has a high degree of emotional intelligence: – they know what they are feeling, what their emotions mean and how they affect others. There is a rich awareness in their story about life.
The skill set for emotional intelligence includes self-awareness, self-management of our own emotions, empathy for others and sound relationships (the heart skills of inspiring and motivating others and effectively managing conflict).
Emotional Intelligence can be improved on with effort and understanding. It is a work in progress, as skills such as conflict resolution may always remain difficult for us in our professional and personal lives.
Read more …
Communicating with Emotional Intelligence
Leaving a Legacy through our words and stories
When we type words on our devices they have a uniformity. We can choose a particular font to use yet it is not uniquely ours. One thing that is often treasured by others is our handwritten messages to them. Stored within birthday cards, thank you notes and tried and true recipes. They reflect a personal sense of that person deliberately putting pen to paper in their own particular style. When our loved ones are gone they are tangible evidence of their previous existence. I’ve accumulated a special collection of handwritten examples from family members who are no longer alive. I hope to do the same for my own family.
Another thing to ponder is how others will remember your life. From experience I know how difficult it is to write the eulogy of a family member for their funeral. It makes sense to keep a written recollection of particular memories while you are still alive to aid your loved ones in the writing of your own eulogy. Funny stories, things you loved doing, memorable occasions, ways you contributed, can all be included. Also think about meaningful ways you wish to be remembered – favourite songs, verse and special photos that depict your unique life.
In that way your own story transcends your physical presence. You collate the highlights for yourself and allow space for your loved ones to expand the story with their own reflections.
Read more …
Our life story continually evolves. Over time we add new chapters and revisit previous ones with more clarity. As we interact with others our stories become refined.
There are opportunities along the way for us to record our stories through a range of creative means. Collating our recollections in tangible ways. Finding ourselves in those stories and choosing those reminders of us that will remain beyond our physical existence.