Archives for 2020

Is it just me, or have others discovered that turning sixty is a time of liberation, authenticity, and a new sense of freedom? I know I am a late bloomer as I have spent my previous decades, particularly between twenty and fifty, feeling I was in the thick of life’s experiences. I did the best I could balancing the work, parenting, and life juggling act. At times feeling I failed miserably at the task.

Yet once I turned sixty I suddenly felt an urgency to find myself and to gain a new level of clarity on my life. To ‘pull myself together’ so to speak. It is only now that I have found my voice – to write and speak about women’s journey. As an introvert and observer, perhaps I needed all the life experience of the previous decades to truly crystallize my thoughts and step into my own wisdom.

At sixty I set off on a personal adventure – going full circle back to where I grew up. It was going to be either a courageous or foolish action. Thankfully, it was the beginning of the former as I truly stepped into who I am. Several years later, the year 2020 certainly became a year of clarity and vision for me. I have had the opportunity to start my blog, connect women in community and recently speak at a conference. I am actually marveling at the personal transformation that has occurred. Those around me have been witness to the changes and I am so thankful for each of their parts in my story.

This is what I would like to share with those yet to reach this milestone.

• It becomes a wonderful time to ask the question Who am I now?, What are my present desires and dreams?, What beautiful questions remain, now that I have achieved most of my younger self’s ambitions? (Thank you to David Whyte – ‘Half a Shade Braver’ for posing these questions)
• There is more time to stay physically fit and active. It adds to the enjoyment of our lives. At sixty you are at the sweet spot of still feeling the possibility of the ‘fit and healthy’ label and you can be an inspiration for others who are younger. Retiring early and continuing to stay active is apparently great for longevity.
• It’s easier to stay connected and organise catch ups and trips with friends. Particularly as they retire and life becomes slower and has a sense of ease.
• We have the opportunity to drop the perfectionist and ‘superhero’ image of ourselves and become more real and disappointing to others. We each know a thousand ways where we have made a mess of it. We have lived through heartbreak and disappointment in our past, so now we are ready to grieve the past fully so we can move on. It allows us to be more authentic people, content and comfortable to be ourselves around others.
• Alternatives to where we live and what we do each day present themselves. Life choices become more flexible. If we want to change locality either temporarily or permanently we have more freedom to follow this choice. We might be exploring new destinations, spending time with family and friends or volunteering in projects. Its so much easier to follow the seasons without the commitments of work and family.
• We have mastered skills and knowledge to a point where we are a valuable resource to others. Although we may have retired from our professions, we don’t retire from life. We can continue to mentor, consult, or design courses to utilize our talents in serving others. It can also be a time to learn new skills that intrigue us. With time on our hands, our days can turn into times of deep immersion and flow with self-driven passions and interests.

Turning sixty is a time of stepping into the roles of elder: wise women and men, matriarchs, and patriarchs of our families and communities. If we hide our acquired wisdom rather than share it with others, it becomes lost. We need to remain relevant, active role models and advocates for those who will follow. Let’s be remembered and leave our legacy. It is time for our voices and life experience to be shared.

If you have reached this milestone, what has been your experience of turning sixty? I would love your reflections in the comments below.

One thing we can be sure of in life is that change is inevitable. How we react to changes in our circumstance matters. If we embrace a change it can create increased awareness and curiosity. Alternatively, change can cause us to become frustrated, angry, and stuck unable to move forward. Even small changes have the potential to throw us off balance.

Life will continue to give us both small and large changes of circumstance to deal with. We can be aware of our responses and give ourselves compassion when the changes are unwelcome. Part of being who we are is living through the struggles presented to us in our lives. We are not alone in having to deal with them and that can be comforting to know. Practicing how we deal with change when it arises can help us become open to action and build strategies as needed.

Perhaps you are currently facing two courses of action, that inevitable ‘fork in the road’ or ‘sliding door moment’. Do you continue on your current path or take the opportunity to take a new direction? When this occurs, it is wise to take time out to investigate the inevitable tug-a-war the possibility of a change brings. Here is a framework for inquiry based on ‘The Great Work of Your Life – A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling’ by Stephen Cope.

1. Ask for guidance about the change. This might be a spiritual quest e.g. prayer or naming the change – saying our plans out loud. It may be helpful to create a vision board of images and words that reflect where you are now and where you would like to be.
2. Actively listen to the response. – Yes, this feels right. I am excited about this new path. What emotions emerge as we ‘name’ the change.
3. When the response is positive check it with reality. Speak to others about your possible plans – those directly impacted by the change and people you trust. Test their guidance under ongoing scrutiny of your plan. Are there concerns or negative reactions from others? Are these valid or based on fear or dependency? Can these concerns be addressed?
4. Once you get clarity that this change looks positive, wait to act. Important decisions cannot be hurried. Slow down the action and investigate this new path deliberately and relentlessly. Vision the change. Does it serve everyone directly affected by the decision.
5. Ask for courage to act. You may find you don’t have the courage to make the change at this time. You can focus on developing the willingness to act. Saying yes to the possibility.
6. Let go of the sense of risk and the need to eliminate risk from your decisions and the consequent actions. Identifying risk is only an indication that you are at an important crossroad. Attempting to eliminate risk can lead to paralysis of action. We never get 100% certainty in moving forward.
7. Move forward methodically. Begin to take actions that support your choice of a new pathway in life. This is critical for keeping the process moving. Seek advice and guidance as you act. Feel intuitively the doors opening toward your new path.
8. Let go of the outcome. Don’t cling to expectations of how the change will evolve. There is no measure of success or failure. You are embarking on a new adventure.

The hardest work comes in getting to the decision. Once made it’s as if invisible tracks roll the decision into action. Opportunities arise with some ease. Solutions become apparent. Moving through each step allows the chance to test the validity of the direction you are taking. Asking along the way the question – Is this right for me?