Archives for 2020

A lovely local initiative is helping children cope with the reality of social isolation during the current pandemic. Popping their heads out of home windows are cuddly bears. Some are having tea parties, others read books and each of them viewing the outside world waiting to be found by passing families.

The impetus comes from the children’s story ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt’ by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury. A deliciously imaginative story of a dad and his children heading on an adventure to find a bear. The story builds with fun filled actions and excitement. The words encouraging children to act with courage and confidently explore their world. As the story progresses the family finally enter a ‘a narrow gloomy cave’ where they encounter a bear. They hurriedly retrace their steps back to the safety and comfort of home.

We’re going on a bear hunt. We’re going to catch a big one. We’re not scared. What a beautiful day!

Words from the story.

This community based Bear Hunt activity is allowing children to find life more ‘bearable’ for the moment. Often small children cannot tell us they are worried or afraid. They pick up on the energy and emotions of the adults around them. With their limited ability to communicate, they tell us how they are coping by their changed and unsettled behaviour.

Our nearly three year old granddaughter is largely unaware of the reality of the impact of the current pandemic. Her main observation is that everything seems ‘cancelled’. Playing with her friends – cancelled; going to daycare – cancelled, playing in the park – cancelled; swimming lessons – cancelled and visits to grandparent’s homes – cancelled. Even in the mind of our littlest citizens the world is beginning to feel like it is shrinking.

How do we make our current lives more ‘bear’able

• Make our homes a cocoon or sanctuary where each family member feels safe.
• Keep routines regular. It is difficult at the moment when families are living their whole lives – work, home and play within a confined space. Children thrive on predictable routines with small amounts of novelty infused in them.
• Use this time to focus on family time together. Cooking, exercising together, playing games.
• Know that this time of social isolation will end. We will gradually move our focus back out into the world. Use this time wisely to work out what is important in life.
• Create a time capsule of photos, drawings and writing to remember this part of your family’s journey. In the future our children will, as adults, be interested in recalling their unique memories of this time.
• Keep in virtual contact with extended family and friends. Even our youngest children enjoy seeing faces and talking to those they have grown to love.

Bears have been a source of childhood comfort for many of us. We have fond memories of a favourite bear we cuddled when we needed comfort or soothed us to sleep. As we grow, we learn to gain comfort and support from those we love around us. Lets all help each other to make this time ‘bearable’.

Relationship therapist, Esther Perel, describes our current state of isolation as a moment in time when we are ‘collectively at home’. We may be home alone or with our partner. We may be home in our nuclear family group. Whichever way we are configured, we are distant from the physical love, support and connection from our friends and extended families. We are adapting with online contact. Dotting our routine with virtual catch ups to see and hear each other at a distance. Yet there is a slight empty awareness that this is ‘second best’ to what we know as our lived experience.

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This distance we are asked to enforce is to protect ourselves and our loved ones. Yet in doing so, we lose physical touch with these very people during this pandemic. We miss the hugs. We miss the playful moments wrapped in energy and contact. We miss the memories and moments we store for each other from the sensory experience of physically being together. Yes, we remain away for good reason. There is this awful fear that we could infect the ones we deeply love. The world does not feel a safe place to be right now.

We have a purpose in our endurance of the current situation. We trust that there will come a time when Coronavirus ends its rage on the world. As the distancing and isolation prolongs, we wonder what life will be like on the other side of this shared world experience. What things can we pick up from where we left off. In what ways will we have changed.

There will be collective regret for the time lost to our lives with our loved ones: grandparents with grandchildren, teachers with their students, workers with their workplaces and colleagues, friends with their social networks, the finite time with our elderly.

When this is over, I predict a flood of human emotions. Right now, we are trying to be courageous, to be busy, to maintain an air of coping as we hear of the spread and rising numbers of people contracting and succumbing to the virus. We have been asked to cope with rapid change to life as we know it.

When the announcement comes that we can once again open our doors to the world we may feel a sense of emotionally falling apart.

What are some strategies to utilize now to soften the responses ahead?

• Establish a sense of normality in the day. On waking imagine how the day will flow? See yourself enjoying breakfast then moving on to the daily tasks you have planned. In the evening, reflect and give thanks for what has unfolded during the day.
• Make time for your physical well being with exercise. Move your body in ways you enjoy.
• Process your emotions when they arise. Allow yourself to express them. Give yourself permission to cry when you feel overwhelmed and sad.
• Incorporate time for learning by reading books and listening to podcasts that uplift, soothe and educate the mind. Limit the time you expose yourself to the media updates. Look for credible sources of information.
• Be creative in ways that you most enjoy – painting, cooking, writing, sewing, gardening etc.
• Listen and move to music you love.
• Spend time in meditation or prayer. This is a wonderful opportunity to establish a regular practice. The physical and mental benefits are scientifically proven. If you are unsure where to start search the words ‘mindfulness meditation’, ‘self-compassion’. In prayer, tap into a faith or traditional practice that has meaning for you. Physical gatherings of faith may have ceased but some have moved online.
• Create a calm, ‘cocoon’ space in your home to retreat to. Even though our bodies may be less active, our energy levels can fluctuate with the concerns and realities we are currently facing. Honour your energy level. Rest when you need to. Create boundaries and ‘code words’ with those currently sharing your home to signal your need to retreat. Remember to return to them with loving support when you have recharged.
• Stay virtually connected with your loved ones. This is particularly important for those living alone. I challenge you to go beyond the superficial chats about the weather or sharing your list of activities. Take the opportunity for deeper conversations around how we are each impacted and what we are learning about life and ourselves at this time.

Use now, while you are in imposed isolation, to visualize the time when we will open our doors again to the world. Plan a street party or extended family gathering. A delicious time to physically exist in the world within the measured space of distancing. We will feel a sense of gratitude that together, while being apart, we have come through this life experience.

Dream about the experiences you want to have whether they are a meal at your favourite restaurant, a place you have always wanted to visit or a regular routine that you want to maintain. We will appreciate them so much more.

Work out ways you want to continue to grow as a person. Do you want to learn a new skill, area of expertise or take a new direction? And finally, what ways do you want to show up differently and contribute more fully in your physical world?

Physical distancing may be difficult right now. View it for the lessons and opportunities it is providing. Once the crisis is over, look forward to a changed world.