Archives for December 2020

The act of giving says as much about ourselves as it does about our relationship with others. Giving requires us imagining the perspective of the recipient. What would they enjoy receiving? What are their favourite things and their preferences? It requires us being observant, present in the physical sense to their likes and dislikes. This is easier for people we spend time with each day and those we have a loving relationship with.

The art of giving speaks about our generosity. It doesn’t matter whether it requires money or the gifting of our time and resources. Whatever we give says volumes about our relationship and connection with others. Giving also speaks of our family traditions and the wish to create lasting memories with our loved ones. It identifies our ability to judge the needs of others.

We accumulate memories of giving and receiving of gifts over our lifetime. I have lovely memories of extended family Christmas Days as a child. Our family joining with aunts, uncles and cousins and our beloved grandmother. Nanna had been shopping for small gifts throughout the year. After all the other gifts were distributed she would bring out an old brown suitcase brimming with small parcels to distribute. Her little symbols of her love for us all were a highlight of Christmas Day.  I also remember staying awake as an older child long enough to see mum and dad place our gifts at the end of our beds. They had waited until they thought we had fallen asleep. I was tempted to take a peek to feel the shape and texture of the parcels within the Santa sack.

As adults the gifting of physical gifts changed. We became the givers of gifts rather than the recipients. It was a joy to watch our children open presents they had placed on their own Christmas list.  As they got older the gift requests became more specific and expensive. It became a difficult dilemma to cater for expanded tastes on Santa’s budget. Their realization that mum and dad were the actual givers of the gifts changed the dynamic of gifting. They were then invited into the true meaning of Christmas – the ability to give to others in a meaningful way.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

Winston S. Churchill.

When we think of gifting to others it is important to ask ourselves what the recipient really needs. In a year where people have been emotionally and physically stretched it may be the less tangible needs that take priority.

• Being cared for and allowing for the opportunity to take downtime to relax and recharge.
• Contributing to a family’s bills or assisting financially with the needs of others.
• Helping families with Christmas gifts and celebration. Creating a special time over the Christmas period.
• Connecting with others and providing a listening ear so they can process the challenging year that has been.
• Physical assistance around the home.

Whatever our gifting to others becomes, spending time to observe what may really be required is important. Perhaps it is less about spending money this Christmas Season and more about truly connecting and supporting each other in meaningful ways. What do you consider important in giving to others? Comment below.

If ‘ home is where the heart is’ mine is scattered far and wide geographically. I seem to have lost my roots to a physical place after so many moves, although I have a strong affinity toward my birthplace. Now, home is where I gather with the people I love and those who, in return, love and appreciate me.

It’s uncomfortable choosing between places and people, yet that has become my lot at this time in my life. I’m the gypsy who has physical addresses in different locations. Regularly explaining myself and my transient life. The only valid choice for me right now is to go with my heart and intuition to craft a life that flows with personal meaning. A life that I refuse to regret. A life where I am fully immersed in relationships with those around me.

“Home wasn’t a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”

Sarah Dessen

The funny thing about our sense of ‘home’ is that it evolves over time. Some of our homes are chosen for us, particularly when we are children. If our family stays long enough in one place these spaces hold many memories, good or bad, that remain within us. We can reminisce about sibling shenanigans, shared family occasions and special places of comfort that we knew we could retreat to.

 As each of us venture into the world, our physical home may change more frequently. It may be a temporary accommodation near study or work. A shared home or one we craft on our own. If we are in relationship with someone, the personal tastes and style of each person meshes together to form a space that reflects the people within.

A few years ago, the home I share with my husband underwent a major renovation. The only time I truly saw the transformation process was when it was internally guttered from one end to the other. In that moment, I lost a sense of belonging and connection to it. Extraordinary, as I had been involved in the dreaming and decision making about the changes, yet unlike my husband I wasn’t physically on site every day to watch them emerge.

My disconnection didn’t improve when the renovation was complete. I fought with the constant feeling of living in what felt to me like a display home. Every new appliance was a challenge and the architectural changes felt energetically foreign to me. I soon realized that this revised home was crafted for my husband’s tastes and I had difficulty putting my presence within the rooms and outdoor space.

Two of the bedrooms were set up for visitors. My heart hoping they would be used by family. Yet the tyranny of the 1,000-kilometre distance between their homes and ours meant visits to us were few and far between. It’s challenging to travel long distances with young families so our guest rooms remained unused. This created a growing sadness within me as I walked past them each day.

Family visits, without my husband by my side, became more frequent to the point that I could see opportunities to be closer to our children and grandchildren who lived in the same location. A location that also happened to be my beloved birthplace community. Chances emerged to play ‘nanna’ and to offer care and additional transport when needed.

I made the decision to move nearer to our family, a time I have cherished. Setting up a rental home that truly reflected my own tastes. Two years later, I am once again in transition in regard to where I live.  Our daughter and her family are moving to a new location. My heart and my sense of ‘home’ is feeling a need to expand once more.

What have I learnt about creating home where my heart is?

• The pain of inaction can easily destroy you. If intuitively a move of home feels like it will heal your heart have the courage to go for it.
• The decision may not be permanent, as very few things are. Life will take you in surprising directions and provide creative solutions along the way. Trust in the timing of your life.
• If your home doesn’t feel a reflection of you – whether décor or the relationships within, do something about it. We have one wild and precious life says poet, Mary Oliver. Use it wisely. Broach your discomfort, have the difficult conversations, and find ways to create your own unique sense of belonging.

Let ‘home’ be more than a physical address. Let it be a collection of moments that build upon each other. Create an energetic space where you feel a sense of connection and love. If you are grounded to a physical home that continues to nurture and grow with you, wonderful. But if you are like me and home doesn’t seem to exist in a one physical space, have the courage to meaningfully create it in conjunction with those you love.

This time of year has traditionally been when I gather with women. Sometimes it has been with friends to enjoy walking daily through a city and last year with female family members to celebrate our eldest granddaughter entering her teenage years.

There is something special in spending time in the company of other women. Gathering together has been a ritual for us since the beginning of time. An opportunity to gather around food, tell stories, share wisdom, and create a sense of connection and belonging.

‘A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.’

Diane Mariechild

Times have not changed, and the need for women to gather has become particularly poignant after navigating the challenges of this year. In instigating the first Healing the Matriarch retreat my focus was on bringing women away from their everyday lives, into nature and creating a natural flow to each day.

We chose Kiah Wilderness Tours as our escape. Six women, some who had been school friends, descending on a beautiful coastal property on the Kiah River near Eden NSW. Our hosts, Jenny and Arthur Robb meticulously planned our camping experience with luxury tents for two, catered meals and two special activities – one for each day.

Our arrival in Eden was a welcomed reprieve from the heat of early Summer. As we opened our car doors we were met with a cooling sea breeze rising up toward our town accommodation. That evening we met at the local pub for a shared meal and to celebrate this special time coming away together.

Early next morning we had a quick breakfast before heading to our morning activity, a peaceful kayak along the river. The tranquility and abundant bird life was soothing to the soul. We soon found our paddling groove and became mesmerized by our surroundings.

The remainder of the first day flowed into a natural rhythm. Swimming, card games, conversation, and plenty of laughter. A beautiful grazing plate of food more than sustained us. The wind whipped up during the afternoon and challenged our campsite. We also lost power for several hours. Thankfully, our teamwork and resourcefulness shone as tent pegs were hammered in and upturned gear was resurrected. All part of the experience. No one particularly noticed the time as day turned into evening and our tent beds became a comfortable and cosy oasis from the crisp night air.

Our second morning began with a choir of bird calls and cool crisp sunrise. It was a delight to walk among the bush setting taking in the sights and sounds. Feeling the damp grass beneath our feet. A selection of beautiful local breakfast supplies and coffee were available before we began a session of Yoga/Pilates with local instructor, Sasha from Alignment Within.

Many of the women were new to this exercise but found it enjoyable. As we progressed through the movements we released muscle tightness from kayaking the previous day. What I loved seeing was the way this form of inner body work produced such a lovely calming effect in each woman. We couldn’t help taking our towels and laying among the shaded trees post exercise, our bodies absorbing the benefits.

The rest of the day evolved. Swimming, trivia, a hilarious game of Finska, more conversation and delightful food and wine. We were keen to make the most of this beautiful setting together.

So, what are the requirements of creating retreat for women?

• Take each woman away from her everyday obligations and transport her to somewhere new.
• Allow her to be nurtured with prepared food, cosy beds and warm showers, beautiful supplies and her needs met. After all she is usually the one overseeing this in daily life.
• Opportunity to connect – to laugh, reminisce, reflect on the year, and share her burdens. Allow her to be in the presence of close, caring female influence. Give her permission to be her real self.
• Incorporate activities that fill her senses and help her to tune into her body.
• Lose the schedule and the clock so she can fully unwind and relax.
• Create memories and give her the opportunity to come away refreshed and ready for what lies ahead.

Find your tribe of women, whether its friends, family or work colleagues and learn to escape regularly. Your mind, body and spirit will be thankful.