We live in a world that can’t stop talking, that gravitates towards us for attention, action, and noise. It’s not unusual to find that a whole week or month has gone by and we have hardly noticed. When we focus on being active and outwardly ‘busy’ we may see it as our identity or purposefulness in life. Unfortunately, this may be to the detriment of finding space for expansive emptiness and solitude in our lives.
It is easier at times to be naturally introvert – quiet, serious, sensitive, and observant. Particularly this year introverts have found social isolation a comfortable state and perhaps used disconnection to both stay safe within a small ‘bubble’ and to go within to find their creativity and solace. On the other hand, the extrovert has found social isolation and disconnection difficult. For them, it has been a time of frustration and loneliness. They have lacked any sense of control to change situations arising. All they want to do is re purpose their past selves and all their activities and connections. The online forum cannot fully replace their enjoyment of face to face human interaction.
Many of us fear being alone – alone with our thoughts and sense of disconnection. It has led to a rise in anxiety and depression in response to our loneliness. Our natural human tendency is for connection with others, which we learnt as young babies. Witness the distress of a one year old when they are not in proximity of their ‘inner circle of love’, their parents. Having just identified them as their first loved ones they fear separation (Attachment theory – Bowlby).
Yet as we get older and realize this is a big, wide world to build connection; we can make a distinction between a sense of loneliness and the state of being comfortable in the state being alone.
‘This silence. This moment. Every moment. if it’s genuinely inside you, brings what you need’
Rumi
If you embrace stillness and solitude, what will you find there?
1. A space to relax and breathe. To switch off from endlessly giving and awareness. To let go of time and obligation. An invisible boundary from the busyness and business of life. Ask for this time away from others, knowing you can create a sense of calm on your return.
2. Being comfortable with your own thoughts and observing them. If you find your mind racing, take out a piece of paper and pen and free write what’s emerging. Once done, look back at how you might reframe what you have written. Particularly if you are feeling a sense of overwhelm.
3.Connecting with nature – gives a sense of gratitude for being, resets our attitude and invites peace. This could be a simple as standing barefoot on grass and taking some deep breaths or walking in a garden.
4.Self-nurture and rejuvenation. Making a regular habit for solitude, particularly when you have a family in the home, is precious. It might mean getting up a bit earlier in the morning to find the stillness. Take time by yourself before you welcome the day.
5.A space for meditation and going inward – to get out of the endless thoughts in our mind and sit in the body. The modalities of yoga and mindfulness are obvious ways to go within. Even short periods of focus on the breath and gentle movement can be restorative.
6. A gift of self-reflection that allows creativity and personal expression of who you are. You take the opportunity to remember, explore and do the things that are the essence of who you are. Ask yourself the beautiful question – What is it, that just by making contact, brings me alive? It may be music, dance, painting, gardening, or something else. Take the time to do what makes your soul happy.
I remember rejuvenating away from motherhood by taking a few hours on my own to browse through handcraft stores. I loved strolling on my own, looking at beautiful things’ and I felt rested and more ‘human’ on my return. I still enjoy handmade markets and gallery visits.
Finding space and solitude in our lives is a balancing act. If we can find the time for stillness and being alone it can be calming and restorative. This not only benefits ourselves, but it also benefits those around us.