I began writing a blog for women – Healing the Matriarch, in the stillness and isolation of the Covid 19 pandemic. It became a way for me to find my unique voice, gain clarity around my personal journey and pay it forward to other women. As part of my emergence I also established a social media presence on Facebook. A page for the blog posts to be visible and a private group community for women to engage within.
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash
It has been an interesting journey and one that has given me an insight not only into my own life, but that of women in general. One thing I have noticed is the lack of older women engaging on social media. I say the word, engaging, as what I see is women observing and reading the posts of others, perhaps a like or love emoji here or there. They are not fully engaging with their friends on newsfeeds, on pages or within groups. There are exceptions of course, as I am part of some interesting groups. Some spaces I engage in more than others, but if I have something to offer to a post I try to thoughtfully contribute.
So, what is going on here? When I speak to women face to face in my physical community they tell me they are reading my blog. That usually surprises me as I am not seeing the numbers of women who are quietly observing and reading translate into comments on my posts. The private Facebook group I established is slowly growing, but an equal number of women have been previewing the content. This has not translated into either accepting or declining my invitation to join the group. I think to myself, maybe it shouldn’t matter as I am more interested in quality over quantity connection. Yet at times it can feel like a one-sided relationship where I am investing the most energy. In a real-life interaction this imbalance can be hard work.
It brings me back to the question – So what is going on here?
Women can be each other’s worst enemies. The insecurity a woman feels comes from previous experience of being judged or criticized by others. It may be around a behaviour, a relationship, or an opinion. This has worked to cause women to retreat from engagement fearing ridicule or worse. At times, we have forgotten to step in each other’s shoes and show empathy and compassion. We can say or do something that hurts another woman, often without realizing. The only solution is to keep communication open. To speak up when something hurts us and resolve these hurts with each other quickly. A liberating move. Without it, the courage to step into our own authenticity and self-acceptance is a tall order.
Women have lost their voice – In childhood, a woman may have been told to stop talking and go and play away from their parents. They may have received the message that they are to be unseen, unheard and have little to contribute to conversations. As a teacher, I saw little girls asserting their personalities and voices, yet sometimes they quickly learnt what is expected and later uncool in their friendship groups. As they bloom into young women, are their voices equally heard in their marriages and workplaces?
My heart goes out to women in their adult years who squander their potential because they don’t see it in themselves. We need to lift each other up, notice and acknowledge the wonderful gifts and talents we see. We also need to give each other permission and confidence to say, ‘This is me, this is my story’. Not so much in the voice of a victim, more as a heroine who has overcome the odds. To allow each of us to inspire others and in turn be inspired.
Women are overwhelmed – Many adult women have way too much on their plate. They juggle relationships, work, and family without often taking a break. As women, they are emotionally and physically invested in their roles. They also feel the judgement of their ability to perform this juggling act on a regular basis.
When it comes to the end of the day they are often too numb to do anything other than a quick scroll of social media or interesting articles. They are afraid to add any more layers on their lives, even if the connection, support, or information they may gain would be invaluable for their journey.
Even once women have more time on their hands – past motherhood and work life, they are afraid of the emotional investment of engaging with others. They didn’t grow up with social media, so it sometimes appears complicated and messy. Yet with a little ‘Marie Condo’ to declutter what’s valuable and relevant to them, they can enhance the experience.
What is your opinion or thoughts on why older women are not fully engaged on Social Media? Has your experience been frustrating, uncomfortable, or irrelevant to your life?
As difficult as it seems, if women can find the bravery to share their thoughts and stories, they will find they are not alone. In speaking up and engaging, on social media and in life, they will find their kindred women to share life’s journey. Perhaps the time is right to make space for each of us to value ourselves, become vulnerable, and seek deeper connection.