Happiness is the pleasant emotion we strive for in life. In our hearts and minds we want and deserve to be happy. Not only in fleeting dopamine hits of bliss or joy. Instead we want this positive feeling to be sustained as part of our general mood. A sense of lasting contentment over time.
It can feel elusive. Especially if we are overcome with the external circumstances of our lives. The story we tell ourselves that ‘I will be happy when’ can rob us of the ability to seek happiness in our current situation, even as we dream of the future. At times, we must give ourselves permission to be happy rather than feel guilt about feeling that way when others are worse off than ourselves. The last few months of world events have individually challenged us to hold empathy and compassion for others while retaining our own inner happiness.
The very purpose of our life is to seek happiness
DALAI LAMA
During life we can search for happiness in the wrong places. Happiness is not bound by wealth. If we have a comfortable level of finances that supply our basic needs and some available for enjoyment, we are living at a sustained level of potential happiness. Increased wealth has not been found to equate to increased happiness.
Happiness is not obtained by complicating life with endless striving for material possessions. The appetite for ‘things’ is never satisfied. The more you acquire, the more you want. Many people in later years find that they are disposing of their material possessions as they downsize. Unsurprisingly they are also finding contentment in having less to care for.
Happiness is also not found in being self-absorbed. We find happiness when we surround ourselves with others. They can be a great source of confiding our worries, sharing our stories, getting advice, having fun, dreaming and making plans. Serving the wider community by sharing our knowledge and abilities also creates meaning. This can be through our paid work or volunteering efforts in supporting others.
The U Curve theory of happiness points to happiness being found in the simplicity of life. When we witness a young child in awe, deeply observing objects and absorbed in play, an inner happiness is evident. Nothing is more heart melting than the belly laughs of a child content with life. As childhood disappears and adulthood emerges overall happiness level tends to decrease. Work and family commitments take priority and life becomes a balancing act of negotiating everyone’s needs. It is only when the responsibilities of work and family decrease in later life that happiness levels also rise again. Life is unhurried and choice of how to spend each day is more available. Simplicity has returned.
Where do we find happiness?
It can be found through inner growth. Expanding our life experience by having the courage to try new things and move out of a self-made comfort zone. Taking pleasure and pride in overcoming obstacles and learning new skills. Growth can come in the form of creative outlet. Finding projects that stimulate for us the lovely feeling of ‘flow’ – being so absorbed in our creativity that we lose track of time. Incorporating wellbeing practices that nurture our mind, body and spirit. Taking walks in nature, creating a space for meditation, listening to podcasts, journaling or reading are readily available activities that foster contentment.
Happiness is also found in experiences. They may be as grand as holidays and attending major events or as instantaneous as spending quality time with family and friends. While a level of happiness may be found in solo experience, it is multiplied when shared with those we love. Some of our happiest memories were unplanned but it is also true that we can be happy in anticipating future planned experiences. Maybe even more so than the experience itself.
Finally, a major contributor to our happiness is finding meaning and purpose to our lives. The people of Okinawa, Japan are known for their longevity and happiness level. For them Ikigai – there reason to jump out of bed each morning, is finding purpose through active participation and deep connection. The idea of retiring is remote for these people as they see contribution as essential to purpose. It may no longer be paid but is an essential ingredient of connection and well being. Finding purpose and being part of a wider community are part of our higher emotional needs.
Look for happiness in all the right places. Many of these: – simplicity, growth, experiences and meaning are readily available to you. They rely on inner choice rather than external circumstances. Particularly in the later stages of life, the unravelling of obligation and creation of new meaning can lead to a renewed sense of personal happiness.
